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I have a history of sexual abuse which I have just started working on in therapy--including repressed memories. I have never willingly engaged in sexual experiences and I am 25 years old. A few years ago, during an ER visit for extreme pain (kidney stones) I was given an internal exam which felt out of my control. In fact, seemed forced and I left feeling very violated. Now, I have never seen a gyn even though I am much overdue. I feel like I should for health reasons but I am terrified I will have flashbacks again if the doctor touches my vagina. How do I deal with this? It has impacted this and my ability to seek relationships because of fear of being touched vaginally.
If you have been raped by more than one person but as a result you never stay with a male in fear of becoming close to them and then you find a guy that you really like and you want to trust him but you just can't ... what should I do to make us a trusting couple?
I'm a 18 year-old male. I was raped twice in my life (6 and 10 years old) and I took it pretty well. My life was quite normal until now, and had no problems with girls. I never had a girlfriend, never been the type who commit, but I'd had a lot of sex with a lot of girls. Two weeks ago I had contact with the man who attacked me when I was 10. Since then I've having nightmares and have been remembering all what happened. I've been drinking and went back to drugs. I wouldn't want to, but it's the only way I can get some rest. Last weekend happened something that really scared me. I was drunk and high and without noticing I found myself rubbing a guy's leg. I pretty much wanted to make out with him and other stuff. I can't become gay, it's not fear I hate myself so much, I hate the pervert who abused me, I hate everything right now. Yesterday I cut my wrists but it wasn't deep enough. I don't want to die but I find hard living right now. This evening I cut my face. What happened the weekend means I'm gay? Am I becoming gay? What can I do to prevent it? How can I stop remembering? It's just too embarrassing to talk to anybody. If I was a girl I could do it, but come on, I'm a man. Men don't let these things happen. I'm just trash.
I live 1500 miles away from a guy I've been seeing. Without planning it, our travels have brought us to the same cities a couple times in the past few months. Unusual for me, but fun.
We're not dating, but I guess he likes me because he seems to be trying to hold things together between us.
I like him...sometimes.
Problem is he's SERIOUSLY weird and on top of it has waaay more experience than I do. I don't know if I can handle an ongoing physical relationship with him anymore - even if I'm 1500 miles away most of the time.
Yesterday while I was visiting him he told me he was sending porn to a female friend who wanted to see the evolution of his tastes from ages 18-25. Then he said he thought of all porn as art and an uncomfortable discussion followed when I disagreed. Guess I'm down for the count on that subject since I don't watch porn usually.
There doesn't seem to be a week that passes at Scarleteen where we're not helping a user who is in some kind of crisis -- and often a whopper -- with an older male partner: pressured sex or a sexual abuse, a pregnancy scare (usually due to the guy having any and every reason why other guys can use condoms, but he's the great exception to every rule), a newly-acquired STI (again with the condom refusals, sometimes paired with lies about testing and sexual history), an abusive relationship (and often combined with a pregnancy scare, pregnancy or STI), isolation from friends or family (often becaRead more...
I am currently living with my boyfriend (who is considerably older than I am) and he gave me genital herpes. He has supported me through the initial outbreak (which was terrifying, painful, and life-altering), and has continued to comfort and discuss our relationship with me. However, I have become quite depressed and feel that I have discarded my body's purity and feel that if I ever leave this man, I will not be worthy of a regular or healthy relationship.
I want to be married and have children at some point in my life, but feel like I don't deserve that since I was so cavalier and thoughtless when it came to my sexual health. I have been thinking about hurting myself or ending my life (of which I have a history), and have also considered hurting the man who I am beginning to feel deliberately infected me as a means to entrap and emotionally destroy me.
I am 20 years old and alone. I have no familial support and don't feel like I can tell my friends I am infected because they are healthy and may reject me. Any encouragement or advice will be greatly appreciated.
I was dating a guy and the whole time I was dating him, he kept wanting to have sex with me. And I told him I wanted to wait for marriage. He said he'd wait for me and never ask me about it again. Well......that didn't happen. Every time we were together he kept asking if I wanted to move to the next level and I said no. Well, he kept doing this for two years, and we broke up a couple times over it. He'd always just apologize and say he wouldn't ask again. But then one day we went fishing together and he brought a blanket (which I thought was sweet....) and a condom. And he asked again.
Okay, this happened to me a few months ago but it's been really bothering me. I was dating a guy for a while and when we started dating, I told him I didn't want to do anything sexual till I was 18. He promised that it was okay for him and he wouldn't do or try anything. Well, after we were dating for about 8 months, he started to change. He would get ticked off at me if I didn't spend every minute of my time with him. He wouldn't let me hang out or even talk to any of my friends. Then he started saying things to me that were perverted but I just shrugged them off as him just joking around. He then started touching my chest area, and I told him to stop, but he just acted like it was always an accident. He kept on doing it even at school, so I just gave up, and didn't care if he touched me there anymore even though in the back of my head I knew it was wrong. Then one day, we were over at his house lying on his bed, and I guess you could say we were making out. I really regret it now. Then he did something he never did before, He put his hands up my shirt and took off my bra. I couldn't say no because it was already too late.