abuse

Healing and dealing with triggers and fears as a male sexual abuse survivor

DAN
asks:
I'm a 18 year-old male. I was raped twice in my life (6 and 10 years old) and I took it pretty well. My life was quite normal until now, and had no problems with girls. I never had a girlfriend, never been the type who commit, but I'd had a lot of sex with a lot of girls. Two weeks ago I had contact with the man who attacked me when I was 10....

Why I Deeply Dislike Your Older Boyfriend

I feel like he chose you because he thinks you can be convinced he's as good as you're going to get: when the truth is that you are the one who is as good as HE is going to get. I feel like dating someone as smart, gorgeous, fabulous and awesome as you are is something he does in part to make himself feel more important than he actually is. I feel like he thinks it's okay to use you to make others think better of him than he actually deserves. I feel like he chose you because he thinks "getting" you is an achievement all about him, not a partnership about both of you.

Why I Deeply Dislike Your Older Boyfriend

He may be older but he's not wiser, and he's not acting like a grownup. He doesn't want to grow up, which is part of why he's dating people he perceives as not grownup themselves. He also doesn't have the bad stuff that happens to you because of him happen to him to make him want to change: if he was in your shoes, he'd ditch him in a heartbeat.

Why do I still feel so guilty?

Erin
asks:
I was dating a guy and the whole time I was dating him, he kept wanting to have sex with me. And I told him I wanted to wait for marriage. He said he'd wait for me and never ask me about it again. Well......that didn't happen. Every time we were together he kept asking if I wanted to move to the next level and I said no....

Dealing with Date Rape & Abuse

HurtandUsed
asks:
Okay, this happened to me a few months ago but it's been really bothering me. I was dating a guy for a while and when we started dating, I told him I didn't want to do anything sexual till I was 18. He promised that it was okay for him and he wouldn't do or try anything. Well, after we were dating for about 8 months, he started to change....

Dueling Libidos

Ruby
asks:
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and I am lucky if we have sex once every week or once every 2 weeks. A healthy sex life means a lot to me, I would rather every day or every couple of days, but when I ask him for sex he is tired, he uses the excuse that he works shifts and we have a baby. Well, she is my baby too, but I always have the time and energy for sex....

Why does male sexuality seem so repulsive to me? Am I just too feminist?

Anonymous
asks:
This is more of a psychological issue, I think, than a physical one, and possibly unsolvable, but I'll ask your opinion anyway because this site seems pretty clued up and sensibly feminist and lovely. I have recently become disgusted with the idea of male pleasure. It's like I'm... too feminist to function....

Don't Be a Bystander: Abuse in the Public Eye

A lot of times we think about abuse, whether it's physical or emotional, as something that goes on behind closed doors, and it's hard to change that frame of mind when, in reality, nobody sees the vast majority of abuse that occurs. Like many of the ST Staff, I've seen my share of abuse as the victim, not the witness. So it seems somewhat surprising that I was so shocked to see it, in full daylight, on a busy downtown street this past weekend.

I'm going on a trip alone, but I wonder if I should be prepared for being raped.

Tash
asks:
I'm going traveling alone soon, and do realize the risks of it. I've recently been thinking about the prospects of rape, I know it may not be more likely to happen in a foreign country than here, but I do live in one of the safest places in England, so I'm quite ignorant of the likelyness of it. I'm a virgin, and have no idea if it would hurt more than if I were not....