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abstinence

Waited until marriage... but sex isn't working out.

anonymous asks:

I feel a little weird asking this here because I'm 26 but I was waiting til marriage before sex so this is new to me, and everyone my age seems to have been having sex for years and I'm embarrased to talk about this stuff. This site has been a great resource for me so far - it has saved me so much embarassment of not knowing what's going on (especially embarrasing at my 'old' age!)

So I just got married about a month ago and have started having sex with my husband but it has been disappointingly unenjoyable. My expectations weren't super high because I know it takes awhile to get used to things. But before we were married we did other activities that I really enjoyed and I'd get turned on a lot. Now, however, those same things don't even turn me on anymore. From reading articles here I've realized that sex isn't going to be pleasant if I'm not turned on and it's not about me being 'too tight' or anything. My husband is making a lot of effort to be patient with me and to engage in a lot of foreplay, but it's not doing anything for me. I used to get really aroused by him stroking my nipples/clit areas, and he still is trying that beforehand. But I keep finding that I am not enjoying him touching me at all, and I just want him to stop. He tried oral sex too and I just did not like it, it felt so weird. I feel so horrible because he was so great about waiting til we were married (he has had sex before with his previous girlfriends) and I really want to share this with him now, and he is trying so hard but it's not doing anything. And I'm also really sad that I don't feel turned on because it felt so good and I don't want to have lost that! We are both frustrated, and I feel especially bad because he's had experience and I haven't, and he said he's never had issues like this with any other girls. Any advice as to how I can get more turned on, so that we can actually have sex? We've realized that we shouldn't attempt intercourse when I'm not getting into things, so I also tried pleasuring him in other ways but I'm finding that difficult too... it takes awhile and honestly my mouth/jaw get tired, and I'm worried about how to finish things (the spit/swallow debate). Right now I'm feeling like a terrible wife for not being able to pleasure my husband and also really missing the sexual pleasure I used to get. I don't regret waiting at all... but I'm impatient for things to improve and any advice would be hugely appreciated. Even just letting me know what's a normal amount of time that it takes for this to start being fun instead of stressful. Thanks!

He wants to wait: I can't!

Yesenia asks:

We are both virgins but he wants to wait until marriage. I can't wait. I get too horny and I'm tired of having to rely on myself to take care of my sexual needs. He's just afraid of sex. He won't even say the word and he's 22. I tried talking to him but it doesn't work.

Usually the guy wants to have sex and the girl wants to wait but it's the opposite way around for us. What should I do. Should I just be demanding and go for what I want because I think that's what I'm going to end up doing. Help please!

Teens Want More Than Sex "Mechanics"

(Thanks for the AU link, Stephen.)

...a Federal Government-funded study revealed teenagers are crying out for better advice on sexual intimacy and relationships.

The groundbreaking study, funded by the Australian Research Council, shows that while an increasing number of youngsters are sexually active under the age of 16, they feel they receive little to no direction from parents or schools in the areas that matter most.

The research concludes that rather than the basic do's and don'ts of so called "sexual mechanics", what today's teenagers are desperate for is advice on the complexities surrounding sexual intimacy, negotiating consent, handling peer pressure and the potential for violence.

Youngsters who took part in the study also wanted further opportunity to learn communication skills in an area where many adults themselves fall short; dating and continuing relationships.

The chief researcher, Associate Professor Moira Carmody, from the University of Western Sydney's Social Justic

Read more...

Go Congress, Go!

(From Common Dreams Today)

Challenging the "Luxury" of Abstinence
by Haider Rizvi

NEW YORK - While there is no indication that the George W. Bush administration is willing to roll back its current restrictions on funding for HIV/AIDS, it may find it difficult to maintain the status quo when Democrats take charge of the U.S. Congress in January.

U.S. efforts to promote abstinence as a cornerstone of sexual education have not lowered levels of sexually transmitted diseases, two former U.S. surgeon generals said on Thursday.

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Gender key in addressing AIDS epidemic

"In a community hall in South Africa's largest informal settlement, Soweto, about 20 men and women are seated in a semi-circle, talking about sex and gender roles. Working in groups, they have just completed two lists, one beginning "I'm glad to be a man/woman because ... " and the other, "If I were a man/woman I could ... " The "I'm glad I'm a man" list, compiled by the male group, includes, "because I can have multiple partners," while the women's "If I were a man" list says, "I could sleep around the way I want." The resulting discussion is heating up faster than the corrugated iron roof of the hall. "If a woman says 'no' to sex she's destroying her family because her husband will be forced to go outside for sex," one of the men says.

Dean Peacock...pointed out that so far AIDS awareness campaigns focusing only on women had proved redundant, as women were unable to negotiate safe sex with their male partners.

Research conducted in preparation for designing the MAP project revea

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Safe, Sound & Sexy: A Safer Sex How-To

What's safer sex? Find out how you can best reduce your risks of STIs and protect your health and how to do it and be supported in it without feeling like the Sex Decency Brigade or bringing on the buzzkill.

Does Abstinence Make the Heart Grow Fonder?

What we are talking about here is celibacy, the deliberate choice not to have a sexual partner for any period of time. There's nothing ambiguous about that. Being celibate entails sharing NO sexual acts with a partner: any kind of intercourse (vaginal or anal), oral sex, manual sex, and so forth. In other words, no physical, sexual contact with others; meaning any genital (penis or vulva) touch, with mouths, hands or anything else between you and someone else is off limits.

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.