Skip to main content
Hey there. I'm a 20-year-old male and I've been in a long term relationship with my girlfriend for about 3 years and 6 months and well ... we still haven't had sex. As weird as it seem it had never been a problem for me. We are both virgins and well, I just love her enough to wait. We've been together since I was 17 and back then well, sex wasn't that big of an issue.
But now that I'm 20, with college and going out and stuff, it's really starting to hurt my masculinity. I feel stupid really because I feel like by know it shouldn't be a big deal and it bothers me that it only gets to me when we are around other people, or when I'm watching sex advice shows on TV, or even just regular shows were sex life is a big deal.
I just would like to know two things:
- How can I deal with this thing? I mean is there like .. . some mental yoga or whatever method I can use to just go back to not caring that much about not having a sexual active life (which I've wanted since I'm like 15)
- How can I explain what I feel to my girlfriend? She doesn't really understand what I go through.
I'll be waiting for your answer. THANKS!
I read about this site in a book that I'm currently reading. I thought I'd check it out for myself. I think the content of your site is terrible. You think that you give teens all the information that they need so they can make informed decisions about their sex life. What bologna. The only decision that teens need to make is to not have sex until they are married. Certainly we all need to be informed about our physical health, our bodies, and how to have a healthy sexual relationship. But what about talking to teens about abstinence?
I'm a fourteen year old girl turning fifteen very soon. I've always loved to flirt, and am even somewhat of a romantic. I've always believed that I should maintain abstinence, not only to respect my parents' wishes, but also to live up to their expectations. However, a few months ago, I've been touched at a school dance by an older boy. It wasn't a violating touch, it seemed like the guy just wanted to see how much I would allow. He very polite (as much as possible in this situation) about it and would stop when I made it clear I did not want to be touched in that manner. But ever since, I think I've been horny! I'm starting to rethink my values of having sex. I know that the sole reason I've believed in abstinence was reflexive to obeying my parents, because I never really thought about having sex before. But now that I have thought about it, I want to try and experiment. Of course, I don't want to jump immediately at the first chance I have, but I definitely want to try when I find someone I'm comfortable with. I'm just worried whether I'm too young, or if going against my parents' expectations is acceptable. I would prefer it if I did not have to tell my parents, because I know they will not approve of this. If I go through with having sex, is it right or are there any better alternatives?
I am a 23 year old virgin and have pledged to remain so until marriage. I recently had an intimate moment with one of my guy friends. I sat on his lap while he kissed my neck but he had an erection and I felt his pennis almost at the entrance of my vagina thought I had all my clothes including trousers on. We had agreed from the start that we wouldn't have penetration as that would break my virginity.
At some point he wanted to demonstrate to me the so-called "doggy style" and he did but still with my trousers tight on. However I did feel his erect pennis around my virginal area but no entrance. This was quite a vigorous activity and I did get well stimulated and wet and some bumps up and down!
All through this I did feel his erect pennis round my vagina even with my trousers on but didn't feel any penetration nor had any bleeding or pain afterwards. My concern is that could I have lost my virginity by any chance through this??
I am 21 years old and am a virgin. I am currently single, but I had a boyfriend in high school and part of college and we never actually had sex, but did everything leading up to it. A part of me always felt like I wasn't ready to be having sex with him even though I was attracted to him. Maybe it was because I was so young then. I always thought I would wait until marriage to have sex, but I also always thought I would be getting married quite early in my life (around 22 or 23). Now I have realized that I have no desire to get married that early, but I don't want to wait until I am in my upper 20's to experience sex. I recently met a guy who I get along with quite well. We are able to communicate very easily and I also find him attractive. He is from another country and is quite experienced sexually, and we have talked about this before and about how I am a virgin. I have been having thoughts about losing my virginity to him if something were to happen between us. Right now we are friends, and not in any sort of relationship, but that doesn't bother me. I am not wanting a boyfriend right now. My question is whether losing my virginity to him (if the opportunity arose) would be a bad idea? I feel as though I could trust him with that part of myself and I feel like I would be okay with us remaining friends afterward. I have not mentioned any of this to him, as 1) I am not sure how to go about it and 2) I don't know if he is even thinking anything like this. Any thoughts, help would be appreciated!
I'm an 18 year old girl looking for advice to give a (just-turned) 26 year old male. That sounds odd, but my best friend is 8 years older than I am, and we're both virgins. While I'm proud of my decision to wait, my friend has become increasingly insecure with his. As our friendship has progressed I've found that my words have become less comforting, I suppose because of the difference in age and gender. There is so much unspoken pressure on girls and their sexuality in our society- but with males it is so much more overt, and his increasing age only increases his shame. I can't go to an adult sexuality site for an answer because those are irrelevent to me, and you're my favorite internet source of advice and information, so I hope you can help me deal with my friend. How can I let him know that nothing is wrong with him, and how can I build his confidence? How can I avoid seeming condescending (especially with someone so much older than I am)? All of his friends have had sex, so there's a significant wall in the conversation whenever he tries to talk about it with them. I'm scared that that wall is growing between us, not because of a difference in experience, but, again, in age (and possibly gender). How can I approach him with this topic without him becoming defensive? How can I make sure he knows I'm there for him? In college he saved himself for a girl that led him on because she was afraid of her own sexuality, she's now a proud lesbian and they're close friends, but I think it makes him feel worthless and incapable of a real relationship. He's so good to his friends, how can I get him to let me be the friend he is? How can I protect him from self-destruction and stop the label "virgin" from ruling his life?
I am 20, in India, and my periods are irregular: I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. I've never had sex in my life, not even a thought of doing so before marriage. Somewhere around the the 18th of May, we were alone and talking together and God knows how, my boyfriend and I just indulged in heavy kissing on bed with clothes on for say 3-4 minutes. Before we could go any further we came to our senses and withdrew from each other. I belong to a very conservative family but god knows what happened to my senses for some moments. However I had my period on the 4th of June (the date is around 25th during regulars), and it lasted for 4 days. But I haven't got my periods this month and my guilty conscience scares me to death. I had read in some magazine that it was possible to conceive even with clothes on. I'm scared. Can it be true? Am I really pregnant? Please help me soon I'm in a big dilemma and have become emotionally stressed out.
I sent this in response to the New York Times piece published last week regarding abstinence-only education. Alas, I didn't hear back from them, so I offer it up here instead. I feel it's important to get as much informed commentary out there on this issue as possible right now, especially considering the recent continuance and increases given to abstinence-only funding.Read more...
I feel a little weird asking this here because I'm 26 but I was waiting til marriage before sex so this is new to me, and everyone my age seems to have been having sex for years and I'm embarrased to talk about this stuff. This site has been a great resource for me so far - it has saved me so much embarassment of not knowing what's going on (especially embarrasing at my 'old' age!)
So I just got married about a month ago and have started having sex with my husband but it has been disappointingly unenjoyable. My expectations weren't super high because I know it takes awhile to get used to things. But before we were married we did other activities that I really enjoyed and I'd get turned on a lot. Now, however, those same things don't even turn me on anymore. From reading articles here I've realized that sex isn't going to be pleasant if I'm not turned on and it's not about me being 'too tight' or anything. My husband is making a lot of effort to be patient with me and to engage in a lot of foreplay, but it's not doing anything for me. I used to get really aroused by him stroking my nipples/clit areas, and he still is trying that beforehand. But I keep finding that I am not enjoying him touching me at all, and I just want him to stop. He tried oral sex too and I just did not like it, it felt so weird. I feel so horrible because he was so great about waiting til we were married (he has had sex before with his previous girlfriends) and I really want to share this with him now, and he is trying so hard but it's not doing anything. And I'm also really sad that I don't feel turned on because it felt so good and I don't want to have lost that! We are both frustrated, and I feel especially bad because he's had experience and I haven't, and he said he's never had issues like this with any other girls. Any advice as to how I can get more turned on, so that we can actually have sex? We've realized that we shouldn't attempt intercourse when I'm not getting into things, so I also tried pleasuring him in other ways but I'm finding that difficult too... it takes awhile and honestly my mouth/jaw get tired, and I'm worried about how to finish things (the spit/swallow debate). Right now I'm feeling like a terrible wife for not being able to pleasure my husband and also really missing the sexual pleasure I used to get. I don't regret waiting at all... but I'm impatient for things to improve and any advice would be hugely appreciated. Even just letting me know what's a normal amount of time that it takes for this to start being fun instead of stressful. Thanks!