The Answers (for Now) - Jack

real-life questioning stories

When did you start to question your sexual orientation? What in particular made that question arise?

I started questioning my sexuality in High School when my girlfriend started referring to us as lesbians. It just didn't feel or sound right. I knew I liked women, but men were great too. Except I definitely didn't like men the way my straight and bisexual female friends liked me.


This is part of a series of personal stories about questioning & coming to understand one's sexual orientation! Check out the other experiences, from: 

AsherBen • Gerbil • Mo • Riley • Riss • Ruby • Sam • Sebastian • Wyn


When (if ever) did that question resolve itself?

Everything just sort of clicked into place when I realized I'm trans and the reason why I didn't like men the same way my female friends did is because I'm not female.

How would you describe your sexual orientation as you understand it now?

It depends a lot on who I'm talking to. I will describe myself as just queer when I'm talking to an LGBT person, but stick with bisexual when talking to straight people.

How do/did you feel about being questioning? Positive? Negative? Something else entirely?

I mostly just felt confused. There are so many portrayals of straight people and, to a lesser extent, gay people but so few bisexual ones that I could identify with.

What is or was the most confusing? When you thought "maybe I'm [x]," what made you feel unsure or second-guess yourself?

The most confusing part was that I didn't (and to some extent still don't) feel attraction the same way as my peers talk about it.

Was there a defining moment that clarified things for you, or did you come to a more gradual realization?

As soon as I figured out that I'm trans and that it was a valid "option" I figured out that being bisexual was too.

Did you talk to other people about being questioning, or compare notes with other people of an orientation you thought you might be?

I asked a lot of "so when you say you like him you mean...?" and "so what is a crush exactly?" type questions to my entire peer group.

What would you say to past-questioning-you if you could send a message back in time?

This is not worth stressing out over. You are okay. There is nothing wrong with you.