In any sex ed that someone else (school, parent, etc) provided for you, what wasn't included you wish had been?

Comments

same-sex relationships

Anything at all to do with trans and queer issues.

Always pee after intercourse (girls)! So much urinary infection could have been avoided.

Queer, trans, and intersex issues and issues people with vaginas will face/have with their vaginas.

LGBT--same-sex relationships, that some people are born one gender but are a different gender, etc.

Gender issues, queer issues.. basically everything MOGAI/LGBTQPAI related.

Also, how to actually have healthy sex.. I've discovered more on tumblr than I have anywhere else in my life.
For instance:
- vaginas do not "stretch out", they loosen up when aroused and return to normal size afterward
- uncircumsized penises are not "dirty"
- not everyone is a girl or boy.. some are both or neither and genitals don't have anything to do with it
- speaking of genitals, we only ever talk about penises and vaginas what about some intersex genitals i feel like intersex people miss out on a lot
- nipples are not sexual organs. neither are breasts. stop sexualising them. they are literally there for children (or for myself)
- more forms of birth control, like IUD's vaginal rings, depo shot... and idk if it's released but the pill for people with penises
- which brings me to my next point - penis =/= boy vagina =/= girl so let's stop using transphobic language like that in school
- the health of our reproductive organs, not just sexually transmitted things - like ovarian cysts, breast cancer, yeast infections, bladder infections, etc.
- proper consent practices and things like "the taste of rohypnol is actually salty, watch out for that"
- but also consent towards boys like "clothing =/= consent" etc - at my alternative school we had a workshop called "only yes means yes"
- HOW TO STORE CONDOMS - like everything thinks it's okay to put it in a wallet wtf
- how to make a dam if you only have condoms
- benefits of internal condoms (aka "female condoms") such as preventing hsv
- anal sex (lots of lube, protection, etc)
- after-care, like how it's good to pee within 15 minutes of having sex to prevent UTI's
- pap smears vs pelvic exams

there's more but i can't think right now

information about consent and sexual assault, and queer relationships

- sexual coercion
- how to identify and deal with an abusive relationship - not just for girls!

Same-gender relationships, as well as trans and intersexed people. From what I've heard, people think Sex Ed is only to educate either about condoms/STDs, or "abstinence".

Masturbation for girls. How a girl should be wet in order to be comfortable before something enters her. How your first time actually shouldn't hurt at all. Consent.

Anything related to gender, sexual, or romantic minorities-- support for people who are questioning, inclusion of non-straight, trans, & intersex individuals in sex discussions, discussion of romantic identities, how sex is different from gender...
Consent
What to expect from sex
Protection, especially for same-sex relationships-- dental dams, condoms for two male-bodied individuals having sex
Pleasure in sex and masturbation-- the clitoris
Sexual health, like when to start seeing a gynecologist and when to get tested for STIs

Anything about external female anatomy (the clitoris, the vulva, the labia). We talked about the penis. I find it ridiculous that I learned what the fallopian tubes were several years before I even understood that the clitoris existed.

-different methods of birth control (pill vs. implant vs. iud, etc)
-how to properly apply a condom
-the purpose of a clitoris

Why is it good to learn about things about sex that might effect you now, or five years from now or ten years from now and none of those timescale options are really better or worse.

What might a good relationship look like? What might a bad relationship look like?

And I really wish more people were excited about the biology of uteruses, because its really really cool and the gym teacher definitely wasn't. Some positive "human bodies are fascinating" slant would have helped overcome the ooh gross factors.

Natural Fertility: I'd love to see anything about understanding natural fertility, like the information found in Toni Weschler's book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility"

Mostly consent and LGBT+ issues:

1. That it's NOT normal to be terrified the first time you have sex.
2. That it's ok to stop sex at any time, for any reason.
3. That PIV doesn't have to hurt the first time.
4. That same-gender attraction is perfectly ok.
5. That transgender (including genderqueer) and intersex people exist, and being one is perfectly ok.
6. How to use birth control (and that it's not a sin to use it).

I wish someone had told me earlier that parenthood is entirely optional and not wanting children is completely okay. A complete, anatomically correct, and accurate (ie. not romanticized) discussion of pregnancy and childbirth would have been helpful too, as well as a discussion about the realities of parenthood (again, NOT romanticized).

I also wish someone had taught me how to shop for body-safe sex toys (so that I wouldn't have to embarrass myself in sex toy shops), that consent is more than just yes/no (coercive rape, etc), and that nobody should tamper with my birth control or threaten to keep me from getting (or force me to get) an abortion if I want one.

Consent Consent Consent! There are a lot of things wrong with sex ed. that is available to young people, but that is my biggest source of rage at the system. I did not learn about coercion and "yes means yes" until WAY too late in my life. When you don't teach people what rape is in a basic high school sex ed class, you contribute to deflecting responsibility and fault from the rapist and that just makes me seethe.
Another thing that I can pull off the top of my head is the whole hetero-normativity thing that goes on. Well, not just hetero-normativity, heterosexual-normativity. I heard nothing about asexuality at all in high school sex ed. It's a stupid construct that people have made, "You're supposed to want sex, but don't do it, 'cause then you'll be a slut, but don't turn it down if you're offered, 'cause then you're a prude." It's aggravating! And then if you're gay and you rely on high school sex ed for your education you have NO IDEA what sex even IS for you. Sigh, sorry, this question provokes a lot of feelings. Rant off.

I wish I had not been taugh the lie that "No man wants a girl who has already been used". By placing such a high value on virginity, they kept me from reporting that I had been raped by an acquaintance. I wanted - needed! - support and medical attention, but since the only thing I'd have gotten was blame and pity, that kept me silent.

I also wish someone had explained to me the differences between a healthy romantic relationship and one based on pure physical attraction, because things can get really blurry when you're starting to explore these things.

Also, that even if you're in a physical relationship, no one has the right to make you feel bad about your body, or to expect you to conform to their definition of "beauty" or "normal".

consent, and general relationshippy/communication skills - we were taught we should 'only do it when we feel ready' but that was literally it! what did 'ready' mean? how can you tell?
Also had next to no information about contraception and STIs - they were seen as some terrible thing that happened to 'other' people, not a real risk of being a regular, sexually active person.

1. Affirmative Consent and having the right to decide what you wanted to do / not do without feeling guilty about either.
2. Queer issues.
3. Masturbation.

How to go about exploring sex for the first time (and not just straight, penis-into-vagina sex), and different sexual and gender orientations. Including Asexuality and fluidity and the fact that it's OK not to not really know what your 'proper' label is.

that vagina, ovaries and a uterus don't equal being female. Likewise, that a penis doesnt equal being male. And that intersex exists.

I wish I had had sex ed at all! Went to a strict christian school up until college and the only "sex ed" classes were about how to stay abstinent

My school doesn't even have a sex ed class. It really should though because I was talking with a friend (who's 17!) and she told me that vaginas were literally just inside out penises. Um???

Consent, sexual coercion, masturbation, self-care/healthy habits, how the genitalia that you didn't have worked (seriously, they made us sit in separate rooms to learn how out own genitalia worked...), healthy/not healthy relationships, hands-on demonstrations with various birth control methods and pregnancy tests (like putting a condom on a banana or seeing how the sponge works, etc.), the list goes on.

the fact that asexuality exists

I wish that it had been both inclusive and comprehensive. Because it wasn't something tailored to everyone, many kids, myself included, walked away with no message of importance. I wish that sex hadn't been treated as something shameful and embarrassing, and that we would have been allowed to have open, honest, discussions about our experiences and our questions. I wish that those of us in the room who identify as female had not been treated as lesser beings, as though cisgender men were our only options, and that they would only care about us if we were virginal and pure. I wish that we were taught that virginity is a social construct, and that sex isn't something to be afraid of. I wish we were taught that sex (outside of marriage) can be a healthy, positive, beautiful, incredible, experience.

I really wish my school would have informed up properly on the anatomy of the vagina at different angles. Seriously, if I have to sit in an auditorium filled with my 13 year old peers having to view infected vagina's as if it were some sort of warning for abstinence while listening to a christian couple talk about their virginity and how it was so precious the least they could have done was show me a proper diagram of the vagina. Also, the knowledge of how to put on a condom as well as birth control types would have been at least satisfactory considering they were warning us against infection and pregnancy. They made us view a birth! As if we really needed to see that. They should have also taught us that losing our virginity is not a bad thing and that we should not be afraid of feelings or social stigma. How women cum would've also been great considering my first experience with fingering resulted in a spew of liquid and a mad dash to the bathroom. Also information on lube would've been great as well since some women may be sensitive to different ingredients in the lube and instead of them making a mad dash to google. The effects of sex in terms of chemicals and how it makes us bond closer to our partners, this could have been warning enough to wait. Being taught about different sexuality and genders is also super important. A girl can have her own private pleasure without a partner there and examples on different orgasms/masturbation places. Anal sex! Anal sex in terms of dangers and its pleasures or how it can be pleasurable. Examples of positive relationships and mindsets such as wait until your ready and don't let anyone push you. How after sex should be or could be, cuddling or peeing. Finally, women neither have to look like nor should push themselves to look like porn stars for their partner. Such as shaving pubic hair or preforming the female ejaculation.

I wish I would've had a real sex education. All I had was a chapter in my high school health book on sexually transmitted diseases. Nobody ever told me what sex was, anything about genitals, or that protection and birth control were even options.

That it's okay to not want sex, and that there was only one other option- to be celibate for religious reasons. That sex, sexuality, and the human body are not things that are dirty, or immoral. I wish that the people teaching me would be able to say the word 'vagina,' or 'genitals,' without flinching.

Fortunately, i was able to educate myself a lot by using this website and other medical sites, but my middle school & high school sex ed experience was basically what a few sti's are (nothing about testing), a little anatomy & a huge focus on abstinence. I didnt even know until almost college how to use condoms & only knew about birth control because I researched it myself and saw a gynecologist from age 17 on. Not everyone is as lucky as I am, they may not have access to good educational resources all the time. I also find it disturbing that rarely do schools talk about what consent means or healthy communication/relationships. I know many parents dont want their kids learning from teachers they dont know, but too many parents are unable or unwilling to educate their kids about these things. Learning about these things didnt automatically make me want to have sex with 100 people. i think its important to give young people information so they can be in control & know what to do in sexual situations

I really wish masturbation for girls was taught as a good thing! I knew so little about my body. I was really vulnerable and uncertain in my early relationships as a result.

My school didn't actually go on about abstinence, perhaps because it was UK instead of US, but the sex ed was entirely a biological focus.
Nothing about relationships or sexuality was really discussed. Transexualism wasn't mentioned till today, and I've been at the school for over 5 years.

Later things have gone onto topics like homophobia, sexual consent, and representation in the media, but the sexuality side and relationship side was left hugely undeveloped. Finding this site really helped me learn more about topics I could never understand by myself.

I wish there had been more of a focus on communication and consent, what constitutes consent, and how to clearly establish consent. I would have liked to have seen more discussion on non verbal cues that your partner may not be consenting, why your partner might not feel comfortable saying no, and how to create a relationship and environment in which everyone feels completely comfortable saying no.
I wish there was more discussion on the kinds of conversation its good to have before having sex for the first time, and in general with a new partner, surrounding their comfort with various kinds of sex, words, names, discussion with friends etc. It would have been nice to have heard of a limit list.
I wish there had not been such a focus on women being the brakes on sex, and men being the gas.
I wish there was more accurate information surrounding virginity and anatomy.
I wish there was more information about birth control aside from condoms and "the pill"
I wish there was information on safe sex for queer people

I'll be honest. At highschool, my sex education was pretty shit to say the least.

Luckily for me, my Mum is a sexual health advisor, and she's always been very open and communicative about sex, so I didn't suffer as a result, but unfortunately a lot of my friends did.

Here are some things I wish they'd mentioned:

1. Masturbation. In particular, female masturbation. Masturbation is a fantastic way to explore your own sexuality, and yet it wasn't mentioned. Thus, it became a taboo subject.
2. The clitoris. A friend once came to me and cried because she'd had sex with her boyfriend and 'not felt anything'. This was because she didn't know what the clitoris was, and thought that there was 'something wrong with her' because vaginal intercourse on it's own did not feel pleasurable for her. I explained that a large proportion of women are unable to orgasm without clitoral stimulation.
3. Consent. No means no. Yes means yes. Yes doesn't always mean yes. No doesn't always mean no.
4. It's okay to want sex. It's okay not to want sex. It's also okay to be unsure.
5. Porn doesn't always reflect the real world.
6. Gender identity was not mentioned AT ALL.
7. Neither was same-sex relationships. My female friends were all pretty shocked when I explained cunnilingus and anal sex, and we live in a metropolitan UK city, not some small-town American backwater!
8. Shaving your pubic hair is okay. Not shaving your pubic hair is also okay.
9. Rape was not mentioned at all.

There are probably a lot more issues which weren't mentioned, but these are the main ones.

LGBTQQ2SAPI issues.
That dis/abled people can and do have sex (and not just straight sex).
Consent!!!
That it's okay not to have children if you would prefer not to be a parent, and that sex isn't just about reproduction.

Nothing about sex was mentioned! The only things we talked about in our sex ed classes were STI's and raising children. It was a sad, sad joke. And it sucks that so many of my peers still don't know fundamentals about sex and bodies because they were never taught (and were also told that looking it up was a bad thing).

I'm really glad sites like this exist so people can learn about these totally NOT taboo subjects eventually, but I think we'd be a way better society if we didn't have to wait for so long or sneak around to get accurate information about sex, sexuality, and things that are a part of life.

For a Catholic school that educates individuals who identify as/are female, my high school did a good job! Still, I wish I would have known that discharge is normal...I also agree that trans* education would have been nice.

Things I didn't learn in high school 'sex ed' (I had abstinence-only):
-the first time a girl has sex isn't supposed to be a huge bloody pain fest she won't enjoy
-how orgasms worked and how to make sexual activity fun
-what consent really means
-that if someone takes advantage of you when you're intoxicated, it's considered assault or rape
-certain STI tests aren't conclusive immediately (HIV can take up to 6 months)
-sometimes, certain condoms won't fit (may be too small or too big)
-how to open and put on a condom
-the real effectiveness of many contraceptives (they told us they didn't work)
-potential side effects of birth control to be aware of
-you can be allergic to latex and/or semen (even your own)
-what entails a pelvic exam and why they're necessary for all women of reproductive age
-what entails a healthy relationship and how to communicate your feelings, needs, and anxieties with a partner
-it's okay if someone you're sexual with doesn't work out, or you don't want to be with them forever
-antibiotics and other meds can make the pill less effective
-most abortion procedures are actually quite safe and done professionally
-what Plan B really is and how it works
-pregnancy tests can have false positives or be taken too early
-many STI's don't show symptoms for a long time
-the HPV vaccine won't give you a disease, and is safe as well as important for girls and boys before they become sexually active
-Sex isn't supposed to hurt (unless that's something you're into)!!!
-porn is often quite unrealistic in how people have sex
-there are numerous fetishes and things that people enjoy, and that's okay, as long as everyone consents
-how important lubrication is, and what kinds are good and bad
-some lubricants do not work well with certain sex toys or can irritate the vagina
-very little is known about HPV, and many people treat it like it's a death sentence (it isn't as long as you get checked out regularly)
-Kegel exercises are important (and guys can do them as well as girls)
-sometimes it's difficult for a guy to feel sensation with a condom (still have to use them, but more may need to be done)
-how important foreplay is
-'just saying no' isn't something a lot of people think about in the heat of the moment
-you really need to use some form of birth control
-there's no limit to how many people you can have sex with before you're 'too dirty' or there's something wrong with you
-it doesn't matter how a girl dresses, it doesn't mean she's 'asking for it'
-men can be raped, even by a woman
-The Pill has many other health benefits (irregular periods, pain, heavy flow, acne, etc.)
-how a miscarriage happens and what to do if you have one
-risks of childbirth and how to deal with the possibility of having a baby
-females self-lubricate when aroused
-aside from possible sti risk, there's nothing inherently bad about swallowing semen
-you're not a 'slut' or 'whore' if your sex life, how you dress, or your behaviors are different than what someone else thinks you should be doing. It's your life and ultimately your right to make your own choices.

Feeling attraction to the same sex is okay, not being a virgin's okay, some people don't want to marry/have sex/have kids ever which is also okay. vaginal discharge is usually normal (wish they'd gone over what isn't normal)

-how to deal with uti's & yeast infections
-pthalates are not good, and you should always make sure if you buy sex toys they dont have it in them
-where to get pregnancy & sti testing done. I only found out about somewhere in my town when i was almost done graduating high school
-age of consent laws should have been mentioned. I knew about them from an assignment I did my senior year but almost nobody else I knew had any idea what this meant, which could have helped a lot of them in the event of legal issues with a partner's strict parents
-the importance of breast self-exams (i learned this from my gynecologist, but many girls don't go to one because they're scared, parents won't let them or they don't know how to find one/why it's important)
-sometimes there's a chance of getting pregnant even if you don't have vaginal sex or the guy pulls out, if there's semen/precum contact close to your vagina
-nothing discussed about lgbtq+ people, asexuality, or intersex. I had never even heard of a lot of these groups except what gay & lesbian meant
-the 'education' i received was not very inclusive of gender, sexual orientation, cultural beliefs, or ethnicity. The abstinence-only approach i had assumed everyone was straight and wanted to eventually marry and have children
-the cost of sti treatments or where to get them
-effectiveness of birth control, especially two together (like the Pill and condoms together)
-sexual assault doesn't just mean being forced to have intercourse. It can mean groping or all kinds of unwanted sexual contact
-what to do if you or someone you know is sexually assaulted, raped, stalked, or harassed
-Sexual harassment is a very real issue, especially for young girls in the U.S., and it can happen to anyone. One can be sexually harassed by a peer, friend, partner, coworker, family member, boss, teacher, neighbor, or complete strangers, and no matter who it is or their 'reasons' for saying or doing things like this, it is NOT okay
-If someone takes advantage of you sexually, no matter your age, how much you drink, if you went out alone, how you look or dress, how many people you've had sex with, it is NOT YOUR FAULT!

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