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If sex creates fear or anxiety for you, but you still engage in it, why?

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Tue, 2013-07-23 11:51
Submitted by Heather Corinna on Tue, 2013-07-23 11:51

Asexual with a sexual partner

Thu, 2013-08-22 13:19

I am not a huge fan of sex, and I've come to realize I am asexual. I could do with having sex once a month-- ovulation makes me horny and to quell the irritating horniness, sex helps. Otherwise, not interested. My partner however is a very sexual person. We compromised: we have sex once or twice a week, but I have complete control over when (so I can be as "in the mood" as possible and not start to completely resent it or him). He gets more of the sex he needs, while I get the control I need to be able to tolerate it. It's working well for us so far-- 3 years.

A bit late, but

Sat, 2013-09-28 06:59

Your reply gives me hope. :) I'm asexual - same way, too; ovulation makes me horny. I've recently realized I do want a romantic relationship, but I've been rather terrified that no sexual person would ever be able to stand being in a relationship with me.

Knowing at least one couple out there's been able to find a good working compromise - you may have just given me the courage I need to really start dating. Thank you.

I had a fear of sex or any

Wed, 2013-08-21 19:41

I had a fear of sex or any kind of penetration for most of my ;life, but with the help of a good therapist and a patient partner I'm starting to get over it. I engage in sex with my partner because I want to conquer my fear. However I started out slow (at first just having a finger or tampon inside was scary and painful) but I've managed to work my way up. I enjoy other forms of sex, and love being intimate with my partner so I don't mind conquering my fear of intercourse because I feel it will be worse it in the end. the most important thing is that this is something I want and I decided, and I wasn't pressured into.

What do I *not* feel anxious or fearful about?

Tue, 2013-07-23 22:07

Another possible option: *because I experience anxiety and fear about practically everything. This is a mental health issue, not a (or solely) sexual issue for some people. But maybe the word "creates" is key here. In the cases I'm talking about, sex (or the sex I'm trying to have right now) didn't *create* the anxiety. I feel anxious (about heights) going out to enjoy the view on the top floor of a building . . . but I try to work through it. I feel anxious in cars . . . but I'm not satisfied with just not going anywhere. I often experience less generalized anxiety (for an extended period of time - days even) when I have good sex, so maybe "the positives it gives me are worth it". :)

This is a very interesting poll. I am an adult, so I did not vote.


Tue, 2013-07-23 15:05

In my teenage years I was very active sexually, and I felt very unambiguously positive about sex. In the past couple years (I am in my mid twenties), I have struggled with anxiety and depression generally, and have also all but lost my zest for sex. My fiancee and I have taken a major step back from how sexually active we were in the first few years of our relationship. That has been a mutual decision, because she is a sexual assault survivor and stepping back has helped her to work through those feelings. Still, we both miss the intimacy and passion of a more active sex life, and we have both been quite frustrated by our attempts to rekindle our sex life, which seem never to go anywhere. When we do engage in sexual activity, I sometimes feel uncomfortable about the pleasure/physical aspect of it, but I do it anyway because I value the intimacy that it brings to our relationship.

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