i'm too shy and introverted, so i don't get to meet people and don't know how to conduct myself around them, and i have no idea how my own body works or what i like. i try exploring myself but i feel like it's not really doing anything for me or that i'm not learning anything so it's frustrating. add in that i'm too scared to stick anything inside myself (even though it's been done before and didn't hurt), and i make up one big mess.
I was a virgin and my boyfriend is more experienced. A lot of his girlfriends in the past were also experienced. I feel so stupid and clueless. I feel like I'm sometimes still in pain and I feel nervous so I can't orgasm and because I'm in pain I do not enjoy it as much as he does. I just feel like a disappointment. Like I just don't know what I'm doing and I'm not as good at sex as his past partners.
You know that none of his previous partners could have walked into sex with him knowing what he likes either, right? They could only have known what their previous partners liked, which may or may not have been what he did.
Have you asked him to clue you in some more? The way any of us -- no matter our level of sexual experience -- learn what we and our partners like is by communicating, experimenting, and communicating some more. That's it, I promise. It also sounds like being honest with him about how you're feeling, if you haven't been yet, might lighten your load a whole lot.
And by all means, if you're having pain from any kind of sex, staying in pain -- rather than taking a break to figure out what's wrong -- is...well, the way to stay in pain and also feel pretty awful emotionally. So, do check in with a sexual healthcare provider, and if the pain is with vaginal entry or other genital intercourse, see if this doesn't help you out:
From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse
After a couple of years as a sexually active person, I'm finding that I want to step back and "relax" a little, take time to figure out what I really want, but I struggle to feel that this is okay. I feel like the attitude is "once you've done it, you should keep at it or you have let yourself down and succumbed to conservative, neo-puritan values".
Wanting to take a break from sexual activity is perfectly okay. Don't ever let someone tell you that since you're not a virgin you just have to keep doing it or else something is wrong with you. This is a choice I have also made for myself. I wasn't ready to start having sex at 17, but I did anyway. At 20, I decided to refrain from sexual activity. I'm now 24 and I realize that it was the best decision I could've made for myself and not a day goes by that I'm not thankful for this "freedom". I've found my true self by really taking the time to get to know ME.I know what I want, where I'm going and how to get there. I believe that is one of the greatest gifts a person could give themselves. Do what's right for you! Happy trailblazing.
My greatest challenge is finding a sexual partner of my preferred gender in the first place. It's so impossible and depressing. Five years single and counting, and not for lack of trying.
I haven't met or gotten to know someone that I want to have sex with. It doesn't help that I'm very shy and don't meet a lot of people.
One of the biggest problems with my sexual life, and really my whole relationship with my boyfriend is the fact that we have the hardest time getting time for each other at all, much less any sort of sexual experimentation. We're both each other's firsts and don't want to start things off in the backseat of a car. We want to find a safe space for the both of us where we can take our time so no one gets hurt and it's most beneficial to us. Unfortunately, we both have conservative parents (in fact, he isn't supposed to even have a girlfriend, as his family is Muslim) in the sexual department so that safe space we want is pretty much non-existent. So we're waiting until we both finish college and move out, which will be in a couple years, but god it's so hard waiting.
aside from my vote: my biggest challenge is keeping my sex life a secret, particularly from my family because they are pretty conservative. It's really sad because I'm so close to them and I want to talk about it. Only a few of my friends know. I have no shame or guilt, but aside that I think this can be personal, it doesn't help that I'm trying to keep it a secret from the people I supposedly trust the most. :(
Very similar to the two anons with vaginismus.
There are not many queer people where i live, including zero who i'm interested in. I'm trans & queer, so while i might be able to get involved with a select few straight people (if there was mutual interest), it'd be more than a little uncomfortable.
I have a problem where I can go months without being sexually aroused or wanting sex. Even when using stimuli I feel nothing. It sucks, because I have a partner with a high sex drive and mine in non existent.
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