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What's the biggest challenge for you so far with your sexual life?

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Submitted by Heather Corinna on Wed, 2012-05-30 13:06
Being assertive about what I do and don't want
8% (135 votes)
Feeling comfortable with other people's bodies
3% (51 votes)
Feeling comfortable in/with my own body
23% (390 votes)
Consistently - or at all - using safer sex and/or birth control
3% (49 votes)
Negotiating sex and consent with partners
2% (37 votes)
Being okay with/real about my sexual identity for myself
3% (47 votes)
Communicating about sex with partners or others
5% (79 votes)
Figuring out what I really like and want
10% (168 votes)
Sex and/or sexuality after abuse or assault
4% (73 votes)
Having, holding or respecting limits and boundaries
3% (55 votes)
An upbringing that said/says sex is bad/wrong
7% (119 votes)
Making sexual choices that are emotionally or physically safe for me
3% (56 votes)
Feeling judged or unaccepted about my sexual choices or sexual identity
4% (62 votes)
Working out how sex, like or love are and aren't the same things
4% (65 votes)
Feeling free to explore my sexuality without guilt, fear or shame
12% (207 votes)
Something else (tell us in the comments!)
5% (90 votes)
Total votes: 1683

I've never even successfully

Thu, 2014-07-17 11:58

I've never even successfully flirted with someone I've liked , so my challenge is finding mutual interest. Also considering I don't want to have sex in somebody's parent's house or my parents house it's 99.9% not happening anytime soon.


Tue, 2014-04-22 22:45

I've been sexually active for a couple of years but recently it started to hurt too much to have sex. I went to the doctor and she diagnosed me with vulvodynia. It was really hard on me since my fiancé and I are very active, it made me feel like I was less of a woman and that I was being punished for finally having an amazing sex life(which I had never had before being with my fiancé). At first it seemed like the treatment wasn't working at all, my doctor prescribed lidocaine to numb the area. It's gotten much better in the last month and I really hope it's gone for good. Most cases of vulvodynia takes years of treatment just for the pain to improve.

Gender oddness

Thu, 2014-03-13 11:59

I'm female-bodied and attracted to guys, but I am genderqueer and only feel comfortable in men's clothes, so my biggest challenge is finding a guy who accepts that about me. So far, I've only had one sexual relationship, with someone I liked but found completely unattractive and so didn't enjoy sex with. And even he kept asking me to wear women's clothes because he was attracted to my body, but hated the way I dress. At least he liked that I don't remove any of my body hair, though...I mean come on, when am I even going to find that again?

Biggest Challenge

Tue, 2013-11-26 11:59

My biggest challenge was none of the above. I feel like I am ready for sex, or at least a relationship that could lead to sex. However, the challenge is that I have not been able to find anyone who is interested in participating in said relationship with me. For the longest time I was insecure about that because I felt I was too old never to have had a boyfriend or any kind of sex- outside of masturbation(even though I am only 19). Now, however I am fine with it. It will happen when it happens. The most important relationship I have and can ever have is with myself. So I would not call this a "challenge" per se, it is just the reason I have never had any type of partnered sex.

I feel I am ready. My challenge is..

Sat, 2013-08-24 16:57

I feel I am ready. My challenge is finding the right partner to introduce me to it. I have someone I really like. He is older, sweet, kind and caring. But he is my older sister's boyfriend.

A huge number of reasons: I'm

Thu, 2013-06-20 23:32

A huge number of reasons: I'm an introvert and I don't know how I would actually even manage to get a boyfriend. Then, another huge obstacle is that the society I live in frowns on sex before marriage, and dating is also done in secret so as to 'protect the family honour'. Archaic, yes.
And then there's this problem of mine where I haven't been able to have any really good orgasms yet. I don't even know whether the slight spasms in my vagins are real orgasms. So if I have a sexual life, I may end up disappointing him.

my problem?

Tue, 2014-04-15 03:55

i'm too shy and introverted, so i worry that i wont be able to please my girlfriend or that i'll be ready for sex, and i have no idea how my own body works or what i like. i try exploring myself but i feel like it's not really doing anything for me or that i'm not learning anything so it's frustrating. add in that i'm too scared to stick anything inside myself (even though it's been done before and didn't hurt), and i make up one big mess.

being bad at it

Mon, 2012-08-06 19:43

I was a virgin and my boyfriend is more experienced. A lot of his girlfriends in the past were also experienced. I feel so stupid and clueless. I feel like I'm sometimes still in pain and I feel nervous so I can't orgasm and because I'm in pain I do not enjoy it as much as he does. I just feel like a disappointment. Like I just don't know what I'm doing and I'm not as good at sex as his past partners.

You know that none of his

Fri, 2012-08-10 10:20
Heather Corinna

You know that none of his previous partners could have walked into sex with him knowing what he likes either, right? They could only have known what their previous partners liked, which may or may not have been what he did.

Have you asked him to clue you in some more? The way any of us -- no matter our level of sexual experience -- learn what we and our partners like is by communicating, experimenting, and communicating some more. That's it, I promise. It also sounds like being honest with him about how you're feeling, if you haven't been yet, might lighten your load a whole lot.

And by all means, if you're having pain from any kind of sex, staying in pain -- rather than taking a break to figure out what's wrong -- is...well, the way to stay in pain and also feel pretty awful emotionally. So, do check in with a sexual healthcare provider, and if the pain is with vaginal entry or other genital intercourse, see if this doesn't help you out:
From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse

After a couple of years as a

Sun, 2012-06-10 14:13

After a couple of years as a sexually active person, I'm finding that I want to step back and "relax" a little, take time to figure out what I really want, but I struggle to feel that this is okay. I feel like the attitude is "once you've done it, you should keep at it or you have let yourself down and succumbed to conservative, neo-puritan values".

Wanting to take a break from

Wed, 2012-06-13 02:30

Wanting to take a break from sexual activity is perfectly okay. Don't ever let someone tell you that since you're not a virgin you just have to keep doing it or else something is wrong with you. This is a choice I have also made for myself. I wasn't ready to start having sex at 17, but I did anyway. At 20, I decided to refrain from sexual activity. I'm now 24 and I realize that it was the best decision I could've made for myself and not a day goes by that I'm not thankful for this "freedom". I've found my true self by really taking the time to get to know ME.I know what I want, where I'm going and how to get there. I believe that is one of the greatest gifts a person could give themselves. Do what's right for you! Happy trailblazing.

My greatest challenge is

Sun, 2012-06-10 13:22

My greatest challenge is finding a sexual partner of my preferred gender in the first place. It's so impossible and depressing. Five years single and counting, and not for lack of trying.

I haven't met or gotten to

Sun, 2012-06-03 11:45

I haven't met or gotten to know someone that I want to have sex with. It doesn't help that I'm very shy and don't meet a lot of people.

Waiting for Independence.

Sun, 2012-06-03 00:21

One of the biggest problems with my sexual life, and really my whole relationship with my boyfriend is the fact that we have the hardest time getting time for each other at all, much less any sort of sexual experimentation. We're both each other's firsts and don't want to start things off in the backseat of a car. We want to find a safe space for the both of us where we can take our time so no one gets hurt and it's most beneficial to us. Unfortunately, we both have conservative parents (in fact, he isn't supposed to even have a girlfriend, as his family is Muslim) in the sexual department so that safe space we want is pretty much non-existent. So we're waiting until we both finish college and move out, which will be in a couple years, but god it's so hard waiting.


Thu, 2012-05-31 23:53

aside from my vote: my biggest challenge is keeping my sex life a secret, particularly from my family because they are pretty conservative. It's really sad because I'm so close to them and I want to talk about it. Only a few of my friends know. I have no shame or guilt, but aside that I think this can be personal, it doesn't help that I'm trying to keep it a secret from the people I supposedly trust the most. :(

Pelvic Floor Dysfunction

Thu, 2012-05-31 20:04

Very similar to the two anons with vaginismus.

heterosexuality everywhere

Thu, 2012-05-31 17:03

There are not many queer people where i live, including zero who i'm interested in. I'm trans & queer, so while i might be able to get involved with a select few straight people (if there was mutual interest), it'd be more than a little uncomfortable.


Thu, 2012-05-31 16:36

I have a problem where I can go months without being sexually aroused or wanting sex. Even when using stimuli I feel nothing. It sucks, because I have a partner with a high sex drive and mine in non existent.


Wed, 2012-05-30 13:29


Me too

Thu, 2012-05-31 09:35

Me too

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