Skip to main content

If you've dated/been in intimate relationships with people with more privilege than you, which has been hardest to deal with?

Share |
Submitted by Heather Corinna on Fri, 2011-08-19 11:47
When they have had more privilege based on gender
21% (71 votes)
When they have had more privilege based on race/color/ethnicity
4% (14 votes)
When they have had more privilege based on sexual orientation
2% (6 votes)
When they have had more privilege based on ability (lack of disability)
2% (6 votes)
When they have had more privilege based on economic class (money)
21% (72 votes)
When they have had more privilege based on citizenship status
1% (2 votes)
When they have had more privilege based on native language
1% (2 votes)
When they have had more privilege based on age
5% (17 votes)
When they have had more privilege based on body size
4% (15 votes)
When they have had more privilege based on educational level
2% (7 votes)
When they have had more privilege based on something else (tell us in the comments)
2% (7 votes)
It's hard for me to choose one as hardest
8% (26 votes)
I've never dated/been intimately involved with someone with more privilege than me
13% (42 votes)
I've never dated/been intimately involved with someone, period.
15% (49 votes)
Total votes: 336

A lot intersect!

Sun, 2013-11-10 11:09
Cassandra Leveille

The last person I was really interested in, a lot of privileges intersected and I think it was hard for me. He was a cis white man with economic privilege (he was unemployed when we met, but he came from a family where he was at least getting an allowance and I'm sure he never wanted for anything, and I used to have that same economic privilege, but when we met, I only had enough money to pay for food for my internship, so there were a lot of instances where I felt I had to pretend I was in the same socioeconomic class with him to "keep up." When we got dinner together we'd put down the same amount but I think that, looking back, perhaps we should have worked out an "equitable" arrangement instead of an "equal" one (to borrow a concept from bell hooks).

Later, after he dumped me for someone who was closer for him to get to, I realized he had a lot of other privileges too: his race privilege and his ability to be connected to communities meant that it was easier for him to simply find someone else and enjoy the privilege of being a "feminist" in predominantly white spaces where he would be congratulated for that, and being a white man means he'll never have a problem with people finding him attractive or wanting to be committed to him in relationships. My isolation (as both a function of my class and race) meant that I couldn't take the same things for granted - that I could be loved after he broke up with me, that people would want to commit to dating me because I lived in an area that was really isolated from public transportation. I'm still dealing with all of this over a year later, so it's hard for me to say what is more difficult.

None?

Fri, 2012-09-14 10:35
Johann7

I hit pretty much every category of privilege except close conformity to beauty norms and physical ability (I have chronic back problems, though they don't *usually* impede my day-to-day functioning), neither of which have been problematic (as far as I can tell) when dating someone who is advantaged relative to me along those two vectors. Being aware of that, I try to check my own privilege as much as possible, especially in intimate relationships.

privilege you wouldn't expect

Wed, 2012-08-29 00:05
Anonymous

I have run into problems with this in two unexpected areas. First with people who grew up in nuclear families, it's not a dynamic I grew up in so I don't understand it all. People don't always get why I have a difficult time bonding with all (male) members of their family. Secondly, I always have problems with people who have been more emotionally privileged than I have. It's ridiculously frustrating trying to explain that I have literally almost no emotional IQ. on the flip side I notice that people who are very Erroll emotionally versed have no idea how to reach something that Congress so second nature to them.

privilege you wouldn't expect

Wed, 2012-08-29 00:04
Anonymous

I have run into problems with this in two unexpected areas. First with people who grew up in nuclear families, it's not a dynamic I grew up in so I don't understand it all. People don't always get why I have a difficult time bonding with all (male) members of their family. Secondly, I always have problems with people who have been more emotionally privileged than I have. It's ridiculously frustrating trying to explain that I have literally almost no emotional IQ. on the flip side I notice that people who are very Erroll emotionally versed have no idea how to reach something that Congress so second nature to them.

I voted economic privelege,

Mon, 2012-07-09 08:07
Anonymous

I voted economic privelege, it's never been a huge problem but I sometimes feel guilty about leeching off my boyfriend even though he's told me more than once not to worry about it.

I wasnt sure if it counted,

Tue, 2011-12-27 08:52
Anonymous

I wasnt sure if it counted, or if it might be under education (:P), but the hardest 'inequality' i have found in a relationship was having a relationship with someone who had a lot more sexual experience. The boyfriend who i lost my virginity had quite a few previous sexual partners and i always worried that i wouldnt live up to them, or that he would think i was prudish/naive/immature. Luckily, we were in a relationship and he had ended his days of sleeping around (which is where he got his experience from), and he was very understanding and loving when it came to my nervousness about sex

Just in case some of you

Fri, 2011-08-19 11:56
Heather Corinna

Just in case some of you don't know what we're on about here, when we talk about privilege, we mean: a right, immunity, or benefit enjoyed only by a person beyond the advantages of most, or the principle or condition of enjoying special rights or immunities.

For example, white privilege, male privilege, heterosexual privilege, privilege based on citizenship status, size, money, etc.

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.