As a stright girl who has had a few sexual partners who come reasonably fast (within half an hour, say?), it feels as if I'm somehow not sexy enough if the guy doesn't reach orgasm. I've actually just got together with someone who consistently takes ages to orgasm, but we've talked about it and it has been that way all his life, so I'm trying to be a big girl and not take it personally.
There's also the issue that a guy's orgasm tends to signal an 'end' point, after which something else happens, be it cuddling, sleep, or cooking dinner. If he doesn't come, it becomes har to work out when to stop (I totally lose track of the time during sex), and can actually leave me pretty sore.
There's also the issue that a guy's orgasm tends to signal an 'end' point, after which something else happens, be it cuddling, sleep, or cooking dinner. If he doesn't come, it becomes hard to work out when to stop (I totally lose track of the time during sex), and can actually leave me pretty sore.
What if you don't frame it that way, though? How about if sex simply stops whenever one or both people feel finished and things don't feel awesome anymore? If soreness is happening, after all, then clearly at some point things stopped feeling very good, right?
As well, the way you're setting this up makes it seem like a dynamic where not only are you putting a lot on the guy, but sex may end before you want it to sometimes, too.
It might help to think about what you'd do if you were not straight and with a male partner, if you were with a woman as a partner: how would you manage this then? And however that is, why not manage it the same way with a male partner?
It's interesting, 'cause for me personally, having an orgasm isn't that big a part of sex. I suspect if I were with a girl, I might expect her to feel the same way, or at least to discuss it, whereas I've kind of assumed that men are more orgasm-oriented. Makes me feel like I've been making an assumption or two about male sex drives, but I'll talk to my man and see what he says.
As for soreness, it's not during sex so much as afterwards - as I said I tend to lose track of the time. But you're right that it's a bit irresponible to just wait on the guy, so I'll have to find some way of making sure things don't go on too long for comfort.
Thanks for your input, it feels like I've seen things from a whole different perspective...I'll try it out and get back to you with the results!
I usually want to have a more drawn-out make-out session followed by quick, furious sex. So, when sex takes longer than I'm prepared for I get confused, and unfortunately, sometimes bored.Bored might be a good additional option if others feel that way as well.
On the other hand, when I don't want to have sex, but instead go for giving head or jerking him off, the orgasm point is when I know to stop because it's painful if I don't. If there's not orgasm, that point never comes, and so I could keep doing whatever I'm doing until . . . until I pull a muscle I suppose. Except that's usually not what he wants. So the lack of communication is a little discombobulating.
If he puts a lot of importance on his orgasm, I'll feel more disappointed. If it's no big deal to him, then it's no big deal to me either.
I'm a female and I think that I'm more often on the other side of this question, but I've found this to be true for both my (male) parter and I: it's usually alright if I (or my partner) simply says, "This is wonderful, and I'm enjoying myself, but it's not working right now." The only time I feel disappointed is if I'm really trying to pleasure my partner, paying special attention to them, and for some reason or another they can't. Usually there's some underlying issues (they're stressed or worried about something) and we can work them out later.
I just want to make sure that my partner enjoyed themselves, and that isn't always the same thing as having had an orgasm. If I know they feel satisfied and had fun, whether or not that involves an orgasm or orgasms, then I'm happy.
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