Permalink Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 2011-04-14 10:08
The one partner I didn't ask was a one-off sexual encounter, and we used barriers. If it were to be a regular/semi-regular thing, I would always ask.
Question: Do you advise that people always ask about testing history, even for one-night stands and the like?
Permalink Submitted by Heather Corinna on Thu, 2011-04-14 15:30
That would be our best advice, yes. And in a lot of ways, it's actually way less loaded with casual partners, anyhow.
But asking is still important and can give you information you need in making your choice to sleep with that person. If condoms gave us 100% protection against STIs, it wouldn't really matter, but since they don't, whether someone gets tested or not can matter in sexual choices, especially if you're trying to stick only to partners where your risks are likely to be smallest.
Permalink Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 2011-04-13 19:02
I had been experiencing a lot of pain during sex suddenly. And he was my first and only partner at the time. he had told me that an ex girlfriend of his had called him 2 yrs prior saying she had HPV...and he never got tested. I'll be honest. I did my research, the signs were pointing more towards Gonorrhea. His personality had changed after returning from a trip to New Orleans. So honestly at the time, I wasn't really surprised by the idea that he could have cheated. So I asked him if he was experiencing some strange symptoms, he said no. Anyway I asked my doctor to run a couple extra tests during my yearly exam, and she did! It was a horrific waiting game...but I turned out clean...long story short he had cheated on me...and don't ever be afraid to ask your partner. If they care enough about you they'll be upfront with you. I'll give him props. he was upfront...too little too late...oh and don't be stupid.
Permalink Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 2011-04-14 02:56
I thought that my partner had never engaged in partnered sex before me, and had a 0 risk of STI. By the time I knew otherwise, I had already engaged in sex with my partner, and had a clean STI test.
Permalink Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sat, 2011-04-16 12:39
Really, that sounds bad but their health choices are actually not my business. Since I would NEVER have sex without protection, and since someone having an STI would not necessarily change the likelihood that I would be with them, then it is kind of nosy to ask. Similarly, I think that it is rude to ask how many partners someone has had and if someone asked me that, I would end the relationship. It would imply either that they are judging how "slutty" i am (the answer is - very) or that they are judging whether they can have unprotected sex with me (the answer is - no)
Permalink Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 2011-04-25 20:30
I never asked one previous partner, because I was afraid he would then ask me, and it made it angry to be reminded that I had previous partners. Double standards much?
Permalink Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 2011-05-03 14:17
i was drunk. he was drunk. we weren't thinking straight about our risks. i don't recommend this. horrible sex. horrible feeling afterwards. reckless in all manners.
Permalink Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sat, 2011-05-21 13:40
I was inexperienced with relationships in general and sexual relationships in particular, and was a little uncomfortable phrasing the question. He picked up on this discomfort and broached the subject himself, assuring me that he had been tested, before we started having sex.
Permalink Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 2011-06-08 18:03
My reason is b/c ppl will tell you that they dnt have STD/STIs but either its a lie or they dnt really know if they do or dnt. They just wanna believe that they dnt.
Permalink Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 2011-08-15 13:20
I don't really know how to bring it up. I'm not really confidant enough to bring it up, especially when it is with a good friend. Also, I definitely wouldn't know what to do it they *did* have an STI. I feel like we are taught about what to do if we get a symptom and told to use a condom, but what do you do if someone that you really want to have sex with does have an STI? I would assume that they would understand that situation a lot better (and should tell you), but that puts you in a situation of heavy reliance on your partner.
Permalink Submitted by Heather Corinna on Mon, 2011-08-15 15:10
I so appreciate you adding these things, the latter of which I've never really thought about myself, having literally grown up in public health. We hope to soon get out a piece about having these conversations specifically, and I'll absolutely make sure we touch on the issues you brought up. Thanks!
Comments
STI
STIs = sexually transmitted infections. Some folks call them STDs.
Editor & Founder, Scarleteen: Sex Ed for the Real World
Author, S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-to-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and Col
The one partner I didn't ask
The one partner I didn't ask was a one-off sexual encounter, and we used barriers. If it were to be a regular/semi-regular thing, I would always ask.
Question: Do you advise that people always ask about testing history, even for one-night stands and the like?
That would be our best
That would be our best advice, yes. And in a lot of ways, it's actually way less loaded with casual partners, anyhow.
But asking is still important and can give you information you need in making your choice to sleep with that person. If condoms gave us 100% protection against STIs, it wouldn't really matter, but since they don't, whether someone gets tested or not can matter in sexual choices, especially if you're trying to stick only to partners where your risks are likely to be smallest.
Editor & Founder, Scarleteen: Sex Ed for the Real World
Author, S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-to-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and Col
I haven't asked because I was
I haven't asked because I was his first partner for any sexual activity
This is also the reason that
This is also the reason that I haven't asked--because my partner was a virgin when we had sex for the first time.
Same for me
We were both virgins, so I wasn't worried about it.
Same here. He was also my
Same here. He was also my first partner.
I've asked.
I had been experiencing a lot of pain during sex suddenly. And he was my first and only partner at the time. he had told me that an ex girlfriend of his had called him 2 yrs prior saying she had HPV...and he never got tested. I'll be honest. I did my research, the signs were pointing more towards Gonorrhea. His personality had changed after returning from a trip to New Orleans. So honestly at the time, I wasn't really surprised by the idea that he could have cheated. So I asked him if he was experiencing some strange symptoms, he said no. Anyway I asked my doctor to run a couple extra tests during my yearly exam, and she did! It was a horrific waiting game...but I turned out clean...long story short he had cheated on me...and don't ever be afraid to ask your partner. If they care enough about you they'll be upfront with you. I'll give him props. he was upfront...too little too late...oh and don't be stupid.
I thought that my partner had
I thought that my partner had never engaged in partnered sex before me, and had a 0 risk of STI. By the time I knew otherwise, I had already engaged in sex with my partner, and had a clean STI test.
Because I don't actually care
Really, that sounds bad but their health choices are actually not my business. Since I would NEVER have sex without protection, and since someone having an STI would not necessarily change the likelihood that I would be with them, then it is kind of nosy to ask. Similarly, I think that it is rude to ask how many partners someone has had and if someone asked me that, I would end the relationship. It would imply either that they are judging how "slutty" i am (the answer is - very) or that they are judging whether they can have unprotected sex with me (the answer is - no)
I never asked one previous
I never asked one previous partner, because I was afraid he would then ask me, and it made it angry to be reminded that I had previous partners. Double standards much?
i was drunk. he was drunk. we
i was drunk. he was drunk. we weren't thinking straight about our risks. i don't recommend this. horrible sex. horrible feeling afterwards. reckless in all manners.
There have been partners I
There have been partners I haven't asked because they were one-nighters, so using a condom was a given.
I was inexperienced with
I was inexperienced with relationships in general and sexual relationships in particular, and was a little uncomfortable phrasing the question. He picked up on this discomfort and broached the subject himself, assuring me that he had been tested, before we started having sex.
Getting a false answer
My reason is b/c ppl will tell you that they dnt have STD/STIs but either its a lie or they dnt really know if they do or dnt. They just wanna believe that they dnt.
New Reason
There's no need, we were both each other's first.
I don't really know how
I don't really know how to bring it up. I'm not really confidant enough to bring it up, especially when it is with a good friend. Also, I definitely wouldn't know what to do it they *did* have an STI. I feel like we are taught about what to do if we get a symptom and told to use a condom, but what do you do if someone that you really want to have sex with does have an STI? I would assume that they would understand that situation a lot better (and should tell you), but that puts you in a situation of heavy reliance on your partner.
I so appreciate you adding
I so appreciate you adding these things, the latter of which I've never really thought about myself, having literally grown up in public health. We hope to soon get out a piece about having these conversations specifically, and I'll absolutely make sure we touch on the issues you brought up. Thanks!
Editor & Founder, Scarleteen: Sex Ed for the Real World
Author, S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-to-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and Col
My boyfriend and I are in a
My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and haven't had any sexual activity with risks. I probably will ask when he visits however.
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