If you have or have had any kind of sex with a partner, what's been your number one motivation?

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I'm not sure if this is where we're supposed to post questions or not, but I'm going to anyway. I am a thirteen-year-old female. I've been masturbating for about a year and have been thinking about sex a lot. (That's not why I'm writing) I've noticed at school that I find both guys and girls attractive, so I'm thinking I'm bisexual. I don't have any issues with that whatsoever. I am perfectly comfortable being bisexual. My issue is that my friends aren't as comfortable. I have been suspecting this for almost a year and I "randomly" asked my friends what they thought of gays/lesbians/bisexuals. They are really against it. They are my best friends and I couldn't stand to lose them. Please keep in mind that I am not comfortable with coming out right now. So how do I get them to accept me without "coming out of the closet"?

It's strange how people react when they're asked something in the abstract, and how they do when they connect it with a person, their friend. Sometimes people can just repeat what their parents say, or what they feel makes them sound like they fit in without actually thinking about the subject much. I put off telling my closest friends that I was bi for years, because I was afraid of them rejecting me. In fact, when I did tell them, because of our friendship, they started to think more about it and, once it had sunk in, they were fine with it.

Your friends, if they are good ones, should put your friendship with them above any judgement on your sexuality. But only you know if that would be the case, so only you can decide.

Obviously, your friends might not react positively, or maybe not initially. Of course you don't have to tell them, or maybe you could confide in one friend who you think might be more open-minded about sexuality first, rather than announce it to everyone at the same time. That way, you have support.

Whatever you decide, do try to find some support in at least one friend or other person you trust if you are coming out. Some people leave it until they have a relationship. Some people don't talk about it at all.

I wish you all the best with it, whatever you decide to do.

I thought I'd also add that you're still fairly young and have a lot of time to learn about your sexuality and what interests you. During the teen years, lots of people feel "confused" about their orientation or find themselves attracted to both sexes. While this could definitely turn out to be bisexuality, it may just be part of you wanting to experiment and discover what you enjoy. I would recommend keeping it quiet from your friends for awhile until you are sure. And if you do discover you are bisexual (or a lesbian), if they don't support you, they aren't the friends you need or deserve.

well i know exactly how you feel, when i was about your age i was physically attracted to females, and it was hard not to let my best friends know seeing that i told them everything. but i swallowed my pride and told them. they took it as a joke for the first few months, then came around to it, and came to me talking about that they too were physically attracted to the same sex. its ok to be expirencing these feelings, its all a part of growing up and finding yourself. you're young, but you'll soon realize that you cant call everyone a best friend, your best friends ultimately are the ones who stick around, NO MATTER WHAT. if you dont feel comfortable telling them then dont, its not anyones business anyway, follow your heart, the real friends will stand out from the fake ones.

Ok, I get the point that everyone is trying to make here, but easier said than done. I don't blame my friends though. They were both brought to think that anything other than being straight is abnormal and wrong. And I'm sorry if I sound like a stubborn little teenager, but I can't just get rid of them . . . or just tell them for that matter. I'm not in a point at my life where I feel comfortable admitting to anyone that I'm probably bisexual, but I AM at a point where I need my friends. And believe me, they are great friends, but it's been morally embedded in their DNA that gays/lesbians/bisexuals are wrong. So does anyone have a solution that will reverse the whole "Bisexuals Are Evil" thing? I'm a little bit desperate.

And thanks for the help to everyone else who replied to my first plea.

I just want to say how glad I am for this website. It has been really helpful and informing. I think all the creators of this website should get big medals showing that they are in fact heaven sent.

(Sorry, just thought I'd get that out of the way.)
My issue is that I think I like sex too much. Now before you get on my back saying how you're SUPPOSED to enjoy sex and all that, it's not that. I haven't had intercourse yet, only masturbated, but I always feel like I HAVE to masturbate. It's more than just curiosity or deriving pleasure from it. It's like I need it. I know how seriously disturbed that sounds, but I want to know what to do to make it just about enjoying it and not needing it. (Therapy isn't an option, by the way, because I can't afford it, nor can my family. Not that I've told them this.)


I just anal sex for the very fist time, but im really concern. We used protection, but my problem is, when I went to the restroom I notice I was bleeding? Is that Normal? I'm very scared?

Just FYI, advice questions can be asked either at the message boards (which is usually quickest) or through Sexpert Advice.

But, here are a few links to get the three of you started with your different questions:

• On anal sex issues: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/anal_sex_lowdown
• On masturbation: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/pink/is_masturbation_okay_yep
• On bisexual acceptance: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/i_think_i_might_be_bisexual_but...

Editor & Founder, Scarleteen: Sex Ed for the Real World
Author, S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-to-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and Col

Any time i have any sort of sexual experience, I dont really let him touch me.
It's not that I'm embaressed or self-consious or whatever, but I just want him to get all of the pleasure. My boyfriend's going through a hard time in his life, and it makes me feel good to know i can get his mind off those kinds of things.

I like the ability of being able to find sexual pleasure through my partner & knowing that I can satisfy them as well is my prime motivation. There is nothing wrong with satisfying your sexual appetite from time to time, but don't let it get the best of you and affect your performance in school, work, etc.

I didn't care about sex, and what it was going to do to me. I enjoyed the thought of sex, and I love to masturbate and anything that gets me aroused. When my boyfriend got me aroused, we just started going further every time we were alone and started "fooling around." Then we ended up having sex before we knew it. It was something that pleasured us both and made both of us happy. We were fine with it, and it just came to us without much concern.

I wanted to connect with someone and be intimate by exploring and experiencing sexual pleasure with them. I feel like the two options implied the other wasn't there or something. I feel they are intertwined.

I masturbate for my own pleasure. It makes me feel GOOD. And then it's for the sake of my future partner whoever that may be. I want to be in tune enough to with my own desires and body to be able to function with them as well. God, I thank you for the clitoris.

I don't know, I just don't think this fit under any of the categories to be voted on, but I first had sex because I felt ready and I knew that the guy I was dating was the only guy I would ever want to FIRST experience sex with. The second partner (after my first partner and I broke up), outside of a relationship, was for the sex and the adventure and the experience. And now I am back with my first partner.

I lost my virginity to my boyfriend in large part because he hooked me up with pot afterwards. :p

I agree with some other comments that this was a really tough question to answer. Even though it says the "number one motivation," I believe that there can be several different motivators at various points in a relationship- or we can experience multiple ones concurrently. Sometimes I want an intimate experience that doesn't need to be sexually pleasurable, and sometimes I just need a "quick fix" so to speak. When we're trying something new, I'm largely in it for the adventure. And what may be a number one motivation today might not be sufficient in the long term. Just some thoughts.

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