Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Strange, random insecurities.

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Strange, random insecurities.
Atticus Girl
Activist
Member # 13561

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Atticus Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I am currently an 18-year-old female, unsure of just a few things here. I'd first like to address that I am not at all the jealous, clingy, or possessive type.

My pre to mid-teens were the years where I'd often self-evaluate (like everyone does at those ages) but I lacked self-confidence and self-esteem. Not too long afterwards, it slowly began to change; and I thought I was finally reaching a level of self-assurance where I never had doubts or negative thoughts on myself...but it was just recently that I realized that perhaps I was wrong.

A great example is a situation that occured just 2 days ago.

My best friend is very tall girl (5'10"), and verrry pretty. I only stand at 5'4", and am honestly not much to look at unless enough effort was put in. But anyway...

We went to the mall to pick something up real quick. Just walking into the store made me sweat, because I immediately became self-conscious. I've already noticed through shopping with my older sister (who stole all the good gorgeous genes), store employees will often greet HER and ignore me, or will be more willing to tend to her needs. I really think (and I swore I've read) that the more attractive you are, you are more likely to receive more attention in those types of situations...or something along those lines. I can see why, because she dresses very nicely; and while I try to look pretty and presentable, I guess it isn't good enough to be greeted by a salesperson (especially at those high-class storesr like Neiman Marcus). It really makes me think that physical appearance and being aesthetically pleasing to the eyes are factors.

I guess I was afraid that that was going to happen when my best friend and I came in (them treating her like a queen, and me like a ghost). I remember thinking to myself at the time, "Why am I even in here with her? They'll just see me as her ugly lil sidekick and totally ignore me or not be as nice to me," and I almost felt like I wasn't pretty or attractive enough to just be in that store. This is probably why I only enjoy shopping by myself. But after all, we were inside an Abercrombie & Fitch.

Another thing...

I trust my best friend completely, and she has never once betrayed me. She's the person I can seriously tell everything and anything without fear of being judged. Although she and I have only been best friends for one year, she and I share a bond that can never be broken. This may sound bad, but neither of us value our other friends as much that we'll drop plans with them just to hang out with each other.

But not too long ago, I was browsing through MySpace and noticed that she left comments on her other friends' sites. She herself has even said to me, "I just don't care enough about my other friends to actually hang out with them outside of school..." yet her comments proved otherwise. It showed interest in wanting to spend extra time with them and immediately I felt a little flame of slight jealousy ignite. Not so much because of that, but I allllmost felt like I was lied to. I think I also got jealous because a lot of what she planned on doing with them were things that mostly she and I do. I know she can have have other friends, but I have NO IDEA WHY I'm being selfish and possessive like this. This kind of behavior for me is out of the ordinary.

We were at the gym a few weeks ago, and tells me, "I'm going to _____'s house on Sunday....I'm only going because I'd feel bad if I flaked like I usually do." Okay, so she'll just hang out with _____ for a couple hours, that's fine. Yet the thought of her having fun and sharing laughs stuck in my mind for a few hours, but I shook it off and let it go. However, a few days later, she tells me what happened at her friend's house and it turns out that she actually spent the night...and I immediately felt my stomach grumble with jealousy once again. She could possibly be making empty plans and just saying "Let's hang out and do this," just to be nice and seem interested, who knows.

Through many of our previous conversations, my best friend and I have made it crystal clear that we'll never betray one another, and there's an intense amount of unbreakable trust. Yet, a part of me almost gets scared that she'll end up sharing what she and I already have with someone else, and I don't want to be robbed of that.

It's strange, because at first I didn't care about her hanging out with friends and even encouraged her to do so while she can before high school ends in just a few months. I wanted to blame some sort of hormonal imbalance for my random insecurities, especially since the moodiness and jealousy occured shortly before my period, but I still find myself occasionally checking her and her friends' MySpace comments to see if any plans are made.

I'm never this territorial. And I haven't told her any of this to avoid possible drama or putting all her plans with other friends to a halt. I'm already aware that in her life (and mine as well), that many friends will come by and potentially become close. Again, I think it's just that fear of being robbed, even though it's already clear that I'll never be replaced.

Okay, so then why is my mind coming up with the most ridiculous things?

[ 12-30-2006, 03:03 AM: Message edited by: Atticus Girl ]

Posts: 105 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Atticus Girl
Activist
Member # 13561

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Atticus Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I also forgot to mention one thing. She told me that when she went to our friend Linda's house that one day, Linda played the piano and my best friend was awed by her skill. She said to me, "Yeah, she can even play the Pirates of the Caribbean theme. All she did was take out a piano book and was able to play each song as she flipped through random pages."

She's complimented me many times on the way I play guitar and piano, but I was so eager to impress her more than Linda did that the second I got home, I tried to learn many different pieces in hopes of later winning her back over again. I want[ed] so badly for her to think of me that way too, and I was/am slightly jealous of Linda.

Alright, The End. [Smile]

Posts: 105 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Sounds to me like you have a bit of a friend crush or some hero worship going on here.

Do you know what I mean?

In other words, like romantic crushes, friend crushes have a lot to do with idolizing someone, with kind of wanting to be them in a way, with their approaval being paramount because you've put them on something of a pedastal.

There may even be a romantic element in this: I don't know if that's something you've looked at, but it certainly isn't unheard of.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Atticus Girl
Activist
Member # 13561

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Atticus Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think part of it has to do with the fact that she's my REAL best friend that I've ever had. There's honestly nothing bad I can say about her...and strangely, I've even TRIED to think of negative qualities, but failed.

She is seriously everything I can ask for in a friend. I already know she feels the same way about me, and I couldn't care less if she doesn't feel as strongly because I feel grateful to have her by my side.

You could indeed be correct though. She knows that I am bisexual and is completely fine with it (and we occasionally shoot out jokes about it), but has made it crystal clear that she is straight as an arrow, and would never be sexually or romantically involved with another female. Thus, there've been times when I've actually thought of myself in the position of the guys she's liked, and what it would be like if I were her boyfriend....but I would feel guilty about and try to ignore those thoughts. Her personality is everything I would also want in a male counterpart.

And yes, her approval to me is golden. There have been times through our conversations online where she has complimented or flattered me in some way, and I would read it over and over again.

When I'm getting ready to hang out with her, I make sure I look and smell good to keep up my image of always looking pretty, clean, and well-kept...even when at the gym. Normally when I work out, I look and smell bad and wear no makeup; but on the days that she and I train together? I put on a little bit and do 3 sprays of bodyspray. There was one day when she even said, "Woah, I just got a good wiff of you. You smell good. Like laundry. [Smile] " And of course, I smiled and all that mushy junk.

I go through great lengths for this girl.

Examples (skip if you think it's irrelevant/are too lazy):
- For her last birthday card, I planned out what to write in it months in advance...so every time I thought of something good, I would type it in a notepad file, save it, and keep doing this until the months were winding down and her birthday was getting closer. By the time it arrived, I had literally handwritten a 98237342-paged novel in perfect writing, all in a handmade card that I started from scratch and worked on from 3PM to 2AM the following morning.
- I was just about to buy her an intermediate nylon-stringed acoustic guitar this Christmas up until I found out that her parents already planned on it.
- Back when I was still in high school (I'm a year ahead of her), I used to leave treats and small gifts underneath her car. There was even a time when she didn't show up to school for a week because of a family crisis, but when she came back, I made her a "Welcome Back" packet with letters for each day she was gone with activites (crossword puzzles and stuff) that I made on the back, one of them in which she had to solve herself; which revealed my message to her that I left a gift underneath her car.

There are plenty more, but I'm way too lazy to list. But you get the point. [Smile]

I admire her height very much, and wish I was as tall as she. When we stand or walk with each other, I tend to feel slightly inferior. Here we ago again with the self-doubting.

I certainly don't know what my deal is at this point.

[ 12-31-2006, 07:12 PM: Message edited by: Atticus Girl ]

Posts: 105 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You know, while everyone's different in their comfort levels with this stuff, in my mind, someone I am very very close to -- or is a best friend -- really isn't someone I should feel I need to get dressed up for. To me, part of being really close to someone is to have them love me as much on my ratty-panted, shaggy-haired, skipped-a-shower days as on days when I'm all cleaned up.

(On the other hand, there are people out there, maybe you're one, who just feel like they can't be okay with anyone at all seeing them on those days: sometimes -- more often -- that's insecurity stuff, but now and then, it's just someone's nature, so.)

It does sound to me like you're nursing some romantic feelings here, and that'd certainly explain feeling hypersensitive, insecure, a bit wigged out, seeing NO failings at all in the other person even though we all have them...well, feeling like people in love tend to feel, especially when they know or are uncertain that the other person might not share those feelings.

Can I ask if you generally feel you have to work hard to earn people's care, attention, respect? Because while certainly, it's awesome making great gifts for friends or giving them surprises, the examples you're giving here are sounding pretty elaborate to me.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Atticus Girl
Activist
Member # 13561

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Atticus Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Occasionally I'll do the no makeup, sweat pants, oversized shirt, and UGG boots thing if I'm seriously lazy. But for the most part, yes, I'm usually conscious of my appearance.

As for my feelings towards her, I almost feel like I'm denying them. When we first became best friends, I always got butterflies and got antsy in excitement of seeing her and hanging out at school...and she was the main reason I went during my senior year. I never really get that feeling as much anymore nowadays. I keep thinking to myself that maybe I'm just emotionally attracted to her, because I admire her in so many ways. I already know in my mind that I would never do anything sexually with her, and I can never actually see myself in a real more-than-platonic relationship with her. I think that would be too awkward.

To answer your question, earning people's care/attention/respect isn't difficult for me. It's just that with the people I care very much for, I always willingly go that extra mile for them. I've noticed that with people that I either have crushes on, want to be friends with, or people I'm already close to and want to gain more approval from for whatever reason, I try to be extra funny with my jokes because I love seeing them enjoy it. With my best friend, making her laugh is effortless, and I love that. Nobody else laughs that much at my dumb humor.

She appreciates all that I do for her and is very grateful, and I feed off of that. Making her happy and making her laugh makes me feel good inside. She's very easy to satisfy, and she's not the kind of person that I have to lie to to impress....and that's a first.

Also, I'm pretty sure I've done the most for her out of just about everyone else in my life thus far.

When I was still a senior and she was a junior, we'd exchange a spiral notebook full of notes written back and forth. In the notes I wrote to her, I'd always start with the heading "Beanstalk," (a nickname I gave her, obviously for her height), with a comic in the back. Both of those and some parts of the notes were decorated and fully-colored flawlessly. I often gave myself deadlines and tried to give it back to her ASAP - usually staying up late and not caring about what little sleep I'd be getting.

To me, she was (is) worth it.

I thought that maybe I'm doing all this because I'm grateful for having a friend like her, and I'm still in such shock for having a TRUE best friend. I tend to brag and talk about her with my other friends and family sometimes, but refrain from doing it too much to avoid people thinking that anything romantic is going on (which a recent then-boyfriend of mine once thought).

Speaking of my ex, I even kept her ahead of him. He and I had plans one night...but a few days afterwards, my best friend wanted to hang out and sleep over at my house. Sadly for my boy, I chose her over him in an instant. To me though, a guy may come and go; but I knowwww that she'll always be with me...so that's one of the reasons why I made sure she was always first one the list.

I have a feeling that when she gets her first real boyfriend/married, I will be proud of course; but slightly jealous because I'm being selfish and almost want her all to myself. Her having a man would mean that she would have to dedicate more time with him and cut ours short, and that would make me a little sad. I never wanted her to feel that way when I had a boyfriend and made sure she saw that, which is another reason why she was chosen over him. I know this can later cause problems in my future relationships. :\

Overall, she just proves that there really are good people out there. We've already planned out a future of travelling all over the world together, and I can seriously see myself growing old with her and being dumb until we're corpses. [Smile]

[ 01-01-2007, 03:21 AM: Message edited by: Atticus Girl ]

Posts: 105 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
Activist
Member # 13388

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ecofem     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by Atticus Girl:
We went to the mall to pick something up real quick. Just walking into the store made me sweat, because I immediately became self-conscious. I've already noticed through shopping with my older sister (who stole all the good gorgeous genes), store employees will often greet HER and ignore me, or will be more willing to tend to her needs. I really think (and I swore I've read) that the more attractive you are, you are more likely to receive more attention in those types of situations...or something along those lines. I can see why, because she dresses very nicely; and while I try to look pretty and presentable, I guess it isn't good enough to be greeted by a salesperson (especially at those high-class storesr like Neiman Marcus). It really makes me think that physical appearance and being aesthetically pleasing to the eyes are factors.

While I do agree this certainly can be true, I wonder what type of body language people are displaying? Like are your friend and your sister outgoing in general? Do you look greeters/salespeople in the eyes or do you sort of look away and try to avoid them? Because they can be shy, too, and just looking towards the most seemingly "receptive" person to address?
Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think one thing that keeps coming up again in discussion of this -- and leaving me wondering what the what is -- is the sort of status you affix to having her be your friend.

I'm certainly seeing you putting her on a pedastal, and I keep hearing what sounds a lot like part of her being so wonderful is her being willing -- as if she's doing you some sort of favor -- to be your friend.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Atticus Girl
Activist
Member # 13561

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Atticus Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
What do you mean?
Posts: 105 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm not sure how to clarify more, but I'll try.

Maybe putting it in another context?

For instance, let's look at someone dating the most popular person in school, who affixes a lot to the fact that that is that person's position. Maybe they have a good relationship in which both people are giving the other the same amount of attention and care (though I'm not sure if this is the case in your friendship/relationship or not), but that partner puts a LOT of self-worth in the fact that they're dating someone others find so important, who would choose them, to the point that clearly, they think the other person's status or worth is far higher than their own.

That right there -- even if all else in equal -- is something to pay attention to, because it usually is a clue about self-esteem and lack of it, and possibly about objectifying someone else in some way. And both of those things are also intimacy/closeness barriers.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Atticus Girl
Activist
Member # 13561

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Atticus Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
The reason why I glorify her so much is because I've never met anyone else like her. She is everything I've always wanted in a friend and then some, and I highly doubt I will meet someone else like her.

Even if/when someone tells me their opinion of her that may not be so nice, I would ignore it, because it wouldn't make me think any less of her. With my old best friend, many things bothered me, and if people usually said things about her I would chime in with my own input. The only "bad" thing I could say about my current best friend is that she needs to drive smoothly instead of accelerating and braking abruptly. That being said, it hasn't deducted any points from her.

I already know she feels VERY strongly towards me as well, since she has shown it very similarly to how I've done it. From big things to little gestures and the things that she's said. It suddenly made me a big believer in fate and destiny, because this friendship is so surreal to me.

Even without her around (before we met and later became best friends), I was fine by myself and was able to stand on my own two feet. But now that I think about it, I almost don't understand how I was so content with life without her there...because now she's only made it better and better.

She is definitely someone I want to keep for the rest of my life and never lose, and she's shown me that she'll be with me forever.

She also has some qualities I wish I myself had. She is very disciplined and I know that if I were responsible like her, my parents wouldn't nag me anymore and would no longer yell at me when I make a single mistake. Perfect example? We were at Disneyland all day yesterday, and I hadn't called them to tell them how I'm doing at all...and of course, I got in trouble when I came home at 11:15 last night because they were so worried. I know it was my fault and yadda yadda...but when I was getting scolded just earlier, they brought up, "Even your best friend called her own parents." I hate being compared to her like that. But it made me wish I could pick up on her responsibilities and be a good girl like her so my parents would well...not love me more...but see that I'm able to handle myself.

Whenever I vent to her, she gives great input and it amazes me how someone her age (17) is so mature and is way beyond her years. She's very rational, understanding, and optimistic, and it's helped me a great deal with many of my problems and mishaps. She can handle her own problems and get through life just fine, and I would love to be like that. There's so much I've already and also have yet to learn from this girl.


quote:
Originally posted by Ecofem:
quote:
Originally posted by Atticus Girl:
We went to the mall to pick something up real quick. Just walking into the store made me sweat, because I immediately became self-conscious. I've already noticed through shopping with my older sister (who stole all the good gorgeous genes), store employees will often greet HER and ignore me, or will be more willing to tend to her needs. I really think (and I swore I've read) that the more attractive you are, you are more likely to receive more attention in those types of situations...or something along those lines. I can see why, because she dresses very nicely; and while I try to look pretty and presentable, I guess it isn't good enough to be greeted by a salesperson (especially at those high-class storesr like Neiman Marcus). It really makes me think that physical appearance and being aesthetically pleasing to the eyes are factors.

While I do agree this certainly can be true, I wonder what type of body language people are displaying? Like are your friend and your sister outgoing in general? Do you look greeters/salespeople in the eyes or do you sort of look away and try to avoid them? Because they can be shy, too, and just looking towards the most seemingly "receptive" person to address?
I actually look at the salesperson in the eye, smile, and even wave to really make sure I'm noticed and to look extra friendly.

I think I've been taking that too personally though, because usually when I shop alone at least, I get noticed and treated very well. I just have this problem with my best friend and my sister [seemingly]...or I'm overlooking it.

[ 01-03-2007, 09:42 PM: Message edited by: Atticus Girl ]

Posts: 105 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Atticus Girl
Activist
Member # 13561

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Atticus Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Do my feelings towards my best friend sound/seem platonic (but strong), or is it really beginning to sway into something more?

I really believe that if either one of us was of a different sex, we would probably be a couple. Then again, our personalities would be different so I'm not quite sure.

Posts: 105 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Honestly?

It's hard for me -- maybe someone else can get a better read on it -- to even assess that because I still can't read past what looks like idol worship from where I'm sitting.

Someone we're REALLY close to? We see SOME flaws in (beyond being a crappy driver): everyone has them. Ghandi had them. Martin Luther King had them. Mother Theresa had them. Your best friend? She has them, too. When we love and respect someone, we often still accept them, and may even cherish some of them as that person's unique quirks, but when we're really connecting with someone AND see them as on our level, we see many facets, not just this list of endless things about them that are perfect, perfect, perfect, SO much more perfect than us.

See what I'm seeing?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Atticus Girl
Activist
Member # 13561

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Atticus Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Exactly.

Despite her little quirks, it's made me love her even more. Deep down I already know she has her faults, but it hasn't stopped me one bit or made me think twice about her.

And if you saw my 'heroes' section on MySpace, I think you'd be pretty surprised. She's plastered ALL over it with pictures and a two short paragraphs of why she's so amazing (which she's done for me on her's). It's ridiculous.

Aaaanyway, thanks so much for your input.

Posts: 105 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Okay -- and excuse my frankness -- but idol worship is obsession more than it is love. It is, in many ways DEhumanizing someone.

I'm not saying you don't have love for your friend: clearly you care for each other. And maybe you know she has faults -- and by all means, when we care for someone who treats us well, acceptance does tend to be the order of the day -- but the way you've talked about her doesn't address that. Just one post ago, you said being a cruddy driver was her only fault.

Idol worship -- that's not love -- of someone you're close to, who you call your closest friend, isn't so much ridiculous as it generally isn't healthy, not for either person. Food for thought, okay?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Atticus Girl
Activist
Member # 13561

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Atticus Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Dang, am I truly showing signs of obsession (according to how I've written everything)? From my point of view, I just saw it as a strong admiration and never really thought anything more of it. She's someone I would like to learn from (and still continue doing), and someone who possesses certain traits that I wish I had in myself. She makes me a much better person, and I feel that in a way, her just being herself is already doing me a favor because I can learn and pick up on everything she does and is.

I'm not at all just using her for my own advantage, but the fact that she helps me is almost like an extra feature of hers that was never asked for, but given to me. Nobody else has the patience for me like she does, and she can literally sit for hours and listen to me ramble on a tangent and still [seem] interested by giving insightful feedback. I do the very same for her as well.

Of course her driving isn't perfect, but it's something that can be fixed. Well, fixable or not, I don't care, because it's something so petty that will never affect our friendship. She does have her quirks, and I fully accept that because they make her who she is as an individual.

[ 01-06-2007, 02:19 AM: Message edited by: Atticus Girl ]

Posts: 105 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Part of my tough time with all of this is that I'm only hearing from you, not from her. So, who knows: maybe that makes everything sounds more obsessive and one-sided than it actually is.

But I keep coming back to what you're really asking about, which is feeling these insecurities, and it's that, combined with the way you're talking about her and presenting her, that leads me to think that it isn't so mutual here.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Atticus Girl
Activist
Member # 13561

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Atticus Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I already know that she feels strongly towards me too since she has proven and shown it many times.

After re-reading through what I've written, it does look like I'm some obsessed and jealous maniac, when that isn't at all the case. All these weird feelings came out pretty recently, and they were never here before. Like I was never at all jealous of her other friends or paranoid that I may be replaced (even though I KNOW that would never happen). I'm trying to think of any event that could've caused this, but my mind is absolutely blank.

I will say that at one point, she did get slightly jealous of my old best friend, and feared that I would be "taken away" from her...but she quickly got over it once I cleared it up and confirmed to her that it would never happen.

I suppress these feelings by ignoring them and keeping quiet....and I'm the kind of person who talks things out, but have decided to keep this one under wraps to avoid any problems. I want to avoid looking like a needy, obsessed, controlling, jealous psychopath...because that's not me at all. I never call her unless it's actually necessary, I'm not at all clingy, and I give her all the space she needs without smothering her at all. These feelings just all came out of nowhere.

Fortunately they're gradually fading as the days pass on by, and I think I'm just getting over it. For some reason, our little Disneyland trip helped with this a lot, and I felt so much closer to her.

Posts: 105 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3