How many of you have had long distance relationships? How did they turn out? What types of things did you do when you weren't with your mate? Were you ever unfaithful, or was the other unfaithful? How often did you talk? How often did you have sex? Did you need sex while you weren't together?
Posts: 30 | From: New York, USA | Registered: Oct 2000
| IP: Logged |
Okie well i've really only been in one really long distance relationship, and that was for 6 months, but i was young (younger than i am now hehe) so we didn't really do anything sexual at all, we just talked a lot. I consider the relationship i'm currently in now to be long distance too tho, because i only get to see him every wknd or so. I've never been unfaithful and i never will be, it's not fair. Hmm, well right now my bf and i talk as much as possible ... at least a few hrs a day
the relationship i'm in now is long distance, kinda. he doesnt live across the country, but kind of across the state (but maryland's not that big). phone calls are long distance, and it takes me about an hour to get to his house. we see eachother every weekend (i am SO grateful to his and my parents, they drive us), but sometimes it gets hard when my friends are seeing their boyfriends on random tuesdays after school, and brandon and i have to plan out our weekends way in advance in order to see eachother. we've stayed faithful, but its not like we dont see eachother often and temptation is everywhere. as far as sex, we basically get intimate every time we see eachother. this situation has been working for 8 months, with glitches here and there, and i hope it keeps on working!
Posts: 28 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2000
| IP: Logged |
Personally, I think long distance relationships can be hard. I've never been involved in one, but one of my friends is in a long distance relationship right now. We'll see how it goes. All I can say is, I know that the temptation is there.
"No day but today,"-RENT
RIP Jonathan Larson *************************
Posts: 70 | From: a boring life in a boring town with the same old crowd | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
I was in a long distance relationship. i really cared about the guy, but the distance made it sooo much harder. it started to get to be like a joke, because how could i consider someone my "boyfriend" when i saw him about 4x a year? We were both unfaithful, but we told eachother about it....which goes without saying that the relationship didn't last. I loved him, and I really wanted it to work it's just SOOOOO hard
Posts: 543 | From: NY | Registered: Sep 2000
| IP: Logged |
I was in a long-distance relationship last year. In September of last year, I left to go to university, while my girlfriend stayed behind in the city where we both grew up, so she could finish high school. We didn't have sex (intercourse sex, at least) until we were both in the same city again, so that wasn't really an issue. We did miss overall intimacy, though, and each time we got to see each other, we pretty much just took care of those needs. I ws really lonely without my love, I was in a new city, new school, well...you get the idea. To the best of my knowledge, neither of us were unfaithful at any time. We kept in pretty close contact, also, talking on the phone about every other day. We saw each other twice a month, usually, because we didn't really live that far away from each other (about 200 kms). We also mailed each other lots of letters that I treasure now...they're still fun to read. As you may have guessed from the tone here, I'm still with my partner of a year ago...in fact, we've since moved in together.
Posts: 1515 | From: Montreal, Quebec, Canada | Registered: Jun 2000
| IP: Logged |
I'm currently in three long distance relationships (yes, Erin, you're a glutton for punishment.)
My sweetie of almost five years (who arrives tomorrow, woohoo!) lives about five hours from me. We see each other roughly every few months, and will often spend a lot of our univeristy vacations together when they coincide.
Another sweetie lives in Seattle. I see him two or three times a year, since it's an expense to visit him, being as I live in Indiana.
My most local sweetie lives about three hours from me. I see him the most often, which works out to about every three weeks.
I talk to all of my sweeties usually daily, either online or on the phone.
The thing that has helped me in my long distance relationships is to remember to have a life outside of the relationship and to remember that my sweeties have them too. It always ensures that we have a lot to talk about.
I dont think theres anything wrong with LD relationships. PPL just have to know what their getting into it for, and make sure they are rdy for it. Having a life outside your significant other in an LD relationship is important and helps a lot. I kinda fell short there
Posts: 69 | From: Canada | Registered: Oct 2000
| IP: Logged |
I was in a long distance relationship 3years ago which lasted for a little over 18months. It was across the ocean, in asia and we were only 1 month into the relationship when he moved. Long distance relationships are hard to maintain and keep. it only takes 2 determined and loyal individuals to make it work. The cost of the phone calls, the travel bills weighed down on me so bad that i had to break it up. Plus there were trust issues for me. I am not trying to say yours won't work or anything, it was a very good experience and as i said, it takes more than love to make it work, theres more to it-commitment, understanding, patience, finances and so on. If you are currently in one, I wish you all the best.
Posts: 3 | From: Minneapolis, MN USA | Registered: Oct 2000
| IP: Logged |
I have been with this guy who lives 2 and half hours away from me.. we have been together for over 2 months and man.. its better every time we see eachother.. we appreciate our time together.
Posts: 111 | From: Toronto, ont,canada | Registered: Oct 2000
| IP: Logged |
Since age 13, I've had 9 relationships. 6 of them were long-distance: Jesse in Greensboro, North Carolina, Jon in Rolla, MO, Dan in Mesa, AZ, Michael in Santa Cruz, CA, Erik in Bowie, MD, and my current sweetie, Jeremy, in Columbia, MO, about 45 minutes from here. They were also, ironically, the relationships that worked out best. I get annoyed with people easily, so it was nice to not have to see my guy every single day. When I wasn't with my boyfriend, I'd spend time by myself or with my girlfriends (before I had responsibilities, that is), just doing normal things. Or I'd write letters to my boyfriends. Of the six, I was faithful to all of them, and one, Michael, was unfaithful to me. We'd talk at least once a week, either online or in person, depending on how long the distance was. I've only had intercourse with one of them, Jeremy. (although Erik and I did a lot of other things, but I digress.) We have sex at least once a weekend, and when we're apart I don't really feel a need for sex. Sex, to me, isn't something I ever feel like I *need*. It's just a really great way to express emotions or get out frustrations. Safely, of course.
Oh, and my name is Brianna, and my quest is To Seek The Holy Grail, and my favorite colour is blue, no greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnn.... *thunk*
yes, I've been in one long-term long-distance-relationship, and I'm in one that's going to be not long distance anymore in a few weeks, if all works out.
the first one actually 'turned out' rather well. we dated for a year and a half, and are still really good friends, and I still love him and think I always will. but it was just too far (houston to cincinnati) and I just couldn't take it - I was having some really difficult things going on and I needed support, turned to another friend who I'd had a romantic relationship with in the past...and what do you know, found myself in a relationship again.
and it's that one that's a long distnace from me right now. I moved up to go to college, and though he was going to follow me, he was sick for a month this summer with mono and out of work. so he's supposed to be up in a few weeks, and in the meantime, lots and lots of phone calls.
when I'm not with him I write a lot, lots of journaling (like my diary, to which there's a link at the end of this post). lots of long letters and emails to him, and we send each other little things back and forth. I've been known to sleep with a shirt he's worn before, and he's been known to call me up at four in the morning, much to the dismay of my roommate, to tell me that he loves me and misses me.
we talk every day, usually wind up on the phone in the wee hours thanks to http://www.i-link.com (check it out!) the last time I had sex...um...when he was up here about a month ago to visit and look at apartments. *smirk* need to know what positions, or what?
yeah, I admit I want it, but you know, that's one of the things that masturbation is for.
I've been in several long-distance relationships in my (somewhat brief) lifetime - none of them were as far as the lemming's houston-cincinatti, and most did not survive for more than a month. The pressure of absence was too great for the spindly-legged romance... (ooh, bad analogy...)
At the moment, I, like the lemming, am in a long-distance relationship that will not be such for much longer. But my situation is a bit more relaxed - we're only four hours from each other, and I get to see him for two days every two weeks. And in between: *lots of Internet chats and phone calls. He'll be moving up here with me in January (thank God).
Being in a long distance relationship - and I mean honestly being in one, remaining faithful and all - is a very trying experience. Sometimes it's worth it and sometimes it's not. It needs to be thought about very seriously; you can be attracted to someone and like them a lot but still decide that it's not worth the stress. If you love someone strongly enough, though, it can be worked through.
It's hard sometimes - there are times when you need to be held, times when you need to be smiled at in that certain way, times when you need someone there who'll give you a shoulder to cry on and then tell you you're beautiful even though you've just been bawling your eyes out.
For me... well, I get lonely a lot and wish I was with him. But every time he emails me another poem and I remember how much I love him, I know that it's worth it all (ooh, cheesy romance-movie line there... but I meant it).
I am in a really long-distance relationship....my guy lives 16.409 km (about 10.000 miles) away from me, basically at the other end of the planet.
We have been together for a year now...and trust me, people, it is difficult and I wouldn't be doing this, if it wasn't for him. We met when he was over here in Germany and after being apart for 5 moths, I had the opportunity to stay with him for about 2 months this summer....
In the beginning, being away from him was unbearable - his ex was still constantly hanging around and I found it very hard to trust that things would be ok and to believe in *us*. It was weird to not know what his normal life looked like - now that I've lived with him for a while, it's easier.
What I miss most in our relationship is normality and intimacy. Sure, there is eMail, and cheap calls and cheaper fligths, but if I am feeling down, he can never come over and simply give me a hug. I miss him at night. I miss having a *real* sex life. I miss his input in my life. I just miss him. A lot.
It's also difficult once we're actually in the same country again to get used to having a "real" relationship. Thankfully, it looks as if we might live in the same country soon.....so keep your fingers crossed me
I have been in one long-distance relationship before - My ex and I were together for about 2 years. He lived about 800 km away from me but we still managed to see each other at least every three weeks or so, because we both had flexible schedules. It was a lot more *normal* than my current relationship. It ended for reasons other than the distance - in fact we broke up just after he moved about 600km closer....bad luck, I guess.
I believe that LDR can work, if both partners are willing to work on the relationship. Trust is important. You need to discuss your level of commitment. You need good communication skills and you need a realistic view of your relationship and its future....
For me, trying whether the relationship between my guy and me would work was the only choice. I at least wanted to try it - better try and fail and learn from it than not try at all.
------------------ Just a regular lunatic. Go inside Alaska's head...
[This message has been edited by Alaska (edited 11-17-2000).]
Long distance relationships.... Whoo do I ever want to talk about those....
My boyfriend and I have been together for about five months and we're both sublimely happy. I very much used to be a bitter cynic about love and relationships and all related aspects, but I've never been in love like this before. I've had other similar deals, but nothing as strong as this. We went through a rough spot about a month ago, but we managed to overcome it and with some hard work we're now better than ever.
Recently I've been forced to really think about the future year. I'm taking a year off from school (he and I graduated highschool last year) right now, but next year we're both going back. And that's the problem. He would like to go on a school exchange program that would send him to England and so would I. Unfortunately, I'm not as good a student as he is and he's more likely to get in. I made him promise not to allow me to affect his decisions over the future and vice versa.
I have the opinion that it's unlikely that we'll be going to school together in the same geographic area. But we've talked about it lately and even though it's a long way down the road I want to try the long distance concept. I know that if he says he'll wait that he will NOT cheat on me. And the same thing applies for me. I would never do that if we agreed we'd wait for one another. And that's what I'd like to do.
You really need to figure out how committed you are to the other person and how committed they are to you. You both have to understand how hard it will be. I think my boyfriend and I are prepared for that and that's why it may work, but I can't know until we reach that point.
quote:Originally posted by Aria51: [B]Oh, and my name is Brianna, and my quest is To Seek The Holy Grail, and my favorite colour is blue, no greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnn.... *thunk* B]
Um....The only thing that comes to mind is Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail. I had to watch it for English a couple years ago...And watched it with my ex before we broke up. Am I close?
I watche one of my best friends struggle with a LDR. It was very difficult for her, and she broke it off. Her parents disapproved, but only because he was black. I wouldn't want to be in one...I went to my gramma's for ONE week and nearly went insane with out my sweetie. It was very difficult. More so, because I couldn't call him. Or talk to him. That was hard.
------------------ "If stupidity kills, then why aren't you dead? Obviously stupidity is a survival trait" -P.K. Dick
Ooh! I know exactly how this goes. I was in a relationship for 6 months with this guy. We loved each other very mich but he lived in TX and I live in MD. *Quite the distance*
Anyway... We never had sex. I was faithful, so was he. We seperated because I missed him too much and he worked a lot. We're closer than we ever were before. I trust him so much; I can tell him anything. We're best pals! I guess I could say I'm sort of glad we broke up. I like the way we are!
------------------ "No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap." --Carrie Snow
"A mistake is simply another way of doing things." --Katharine Graham
Wow what a great question. I too am involved in a long distance relationship. Mine is totally strange tho. About a year ago while I was online this guy IMed me and we hit it off. So we planned this winter (during my college break) to meet up. He's still in high school so I'm gonna drive down south to see him. I have to admit I'm currently unfaithful. I haven't told him either...yet. I've never had a boyfriend before and because of this online guy I lost 30 pounds right before college. I pictured him meeting me the way I use to look and getting totally turned off so I lost some weight. Anyway, long story short guys were notcing me so now I'm "seeing" one and he knows about the online I'm going to visit. I'm hoping when I go down there things will straighten out and I'll either find the love of a life time or know that back at home someone better is waiting for me.
Posts: 2 | From: NY | Registered: Nov 2000
| IP: Logged |
ThisGuy, am really sorry. I guess my guy and I beat everyone regarding distance.
16.409 km! - Germany and Australia.
You do, however, beat us in the time thingy -my guy and I, we've been together for a year now (Anniversary coming up in 2 weeks). Hope you'll get to see your girlfriend soon...Visa-problems...urgh. And of course congrats and all the best for your Anniversary.
------------------ Just a regular lunatic. Go inside Alaska's head...
Well lets see, me and my boyfriend have been together 3 years on sunday and I live 2 and half hours away. I get to see him every weekend, but at first it was every other since my mom had to drive, now i do. I have never been unfaithful. And neither has he. He don't need sex to have a relationship, but he do make love to eachother, not all the time, but thats not what love and a relationship is all about. A relationship is based on trust and communication. if you have both of them you could be accross the world and still be happy, ya you need to see eachother and all but you really only need those 2 things. But always follow your heart, because it knows the way! Good luck.
Long distance huh? Well mine is not quite as long distance as some, but 16 hours is still quite a bit don't you think? I met him totally randomly online almost a year ago, and we instantly became friends. We've only been "together"...although we don't exactly like to call it that..for about 2 months now. He's hopefully going to be able to come visit me in Feburary or March, we think. *crosses her fingers and prays hard to anyone who will listen* It's really an amazing relationship, we talk everyday and know each other better than anyone else probably. My only problem with the whole thing is that he's not in school right now...and I want him back in college (he wants to be there too, but isn't because of money and stubornness issues). That one has caused me many nights of tossing and turning. But I can honestly say that I've never been as happy as he's making me right now, I've just never felt like this before. We're not sure exactly how all this is going to turn out, but it sure is a fun ride along the way!
------------------ "If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile." ~Lynda Barry
My current relationship is a long distance one. When we aren't 2gether, we talk on the phone. we talk for hours everyday. i get to see him about evey other week or so. id never be unfaithful to him, i love CJ too much! plus if i was unfaithful, oure relationship is based on trust, so i'd end up telling him about it. and he'd never be unfaithful cuz he's my cousins best friend and he'd have to deal with my cousins plus me. right now, we're not even sexually active, but we plan on it. a relationship doesnt need sex to work.
------------------ For the homophobics: "He who is without sin; throw the first stone."
Wow reading all these posts make me feel fortunate. I've been in a LDR for about 2 months, but no emphasis on the distance compared to y'all; I live about 2 hrs from my beloved. I still don't get to see him much, as he is a poor college boy with no car, and I am a poor high school senior with parents who have yet to be convinced the benefits my spending a weekend in his dorm unsupervised He's come down for 3 weekends so far, I get to see him every 3 weeks or so. Yeah, we have sex rampantly when he comes home, but its unavoidable, and we try to spend some time actually talking and cuddling and whatnot
But so far we've been faithful, that's not really the hardest part for me. I tend to get emotional and assume the worst if I don't hear from him, but seriously, all I have to do is say "I'm upset" and we'll talk and everything will be hunky dory Communication solves 9 out of 10 problems in every relationship, romantic or otherwise. I hope to go up to school w/ him after I graduate, and continue our relationship under more optimal circumstances. But I can wait....
Posts: 4 | From: Jackson, MI USA | Registered: Oct 2002
| IP: Logged |
Im in long-distance relationship,we are fine but missing each other really sucks.We've been together for about 2 years now and still going strong,so i guess long-distance is not really that bad.You would be missing each other soo bad that you wont be bored with your significant other easily.But one word for someone who's about to enter a long-distance relationship..*DON'T* I've learnt my lesson.
Posts: 6 | From: Malaysia | Registered: Nov 2002
| IP: Logged |
I'm currently in a long distance relationship and I love it. Sure it's hard, we live about 5 hours apart by train. We've been together so far going on strong for 4 1/2 months. You have to put in a lot of effort and LOADS of trust. I believe that our relationship will work. We've been through hard times, don't get me wrong. With the majority of those hard times being a lack of trust or insecurity. Thinking that we are less than what we are really are. We have our ups and downs, but it's all a learning experiance. We see each other on average once a month for one weekend. So we have to make the most of the time we see each other, but we love cuddling, and just watching a movie together on the couch. Because we aren't able to do what "normal" couples do. We usually communicate through Email or telephone, I miss her all the time. I love her with all my heart, she's amazing. To me I'm the luckiest guy in the world, I'd love to spend the rest of my life with her.
Posts: 7 | From: Oakville, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2002
| IP: Logged |
I'm in a LDR. I have been with my honey for 4 months now, but I have known him for 3 years. We have always lived in different states, which we are 4 hours away from each other. We were great friends first, now that we're a couple it things haven't changed. We talk every night on the phone thanks to Verizion free nights & weekends!! so we commuicate really well with each other. We have phone sex almost every night which believe it or not helps. We see each other for a couple a days in a month, and when we do finally see each other we can't keep our hands off each other, and we take full advantage of the time we have together. I think about cheating on him sometimes when I'm feeling lonely, but I love him very much and do not want to hurt him or our relationship. He wouldn't cheat on me because he does love me, and he knows I'll hurt him if he did. I know he has his life there & I have my life where I am. I go out with my friends, and do me, but when I feel like I need him I call him. It helps to hear his voice, but it's not the same as him hugging me. He always makes me stronger, and we are very supportive of each other. It sucks being apart, and it is hard but all relationships are work. If we are really meant to be together we'll wait this time out, until we can be closer. I guess you can say don't knock it until you try it.
Posts: 5 | From: new york, ny, united states | Registered: Aug 2002
| IP: Logged |
Yes I've had a long distance relationship. How did it turn out? Well we've been married 14 years now. What did I do when I wasn't with her? Go to college, trying to get to where I could earn a living and marry her. Where we unfaithful? No. Did I need sex? Sure, that's what your hands are for dear. How often did we have sex, most times we were together, not every time but most times. Long distance is tough, and I don't recomend that you START a long distance relationship, but I'm living proof you can MAINTAIN one.
------------------ We are starstuff, we are the universe made manifest, trying to figure itself out
hm. well, my relationship is long distance right now, but not so bad. we've been dating for about 9 months, only 3 so far have been long distance. (dated in high school, then went to college) he's at least 12 hours away, and i've got no car (neither does he) but greyhound buses are serving us well. i've seen him once since school started, and he's coming up here the saturday before thanksgiving. things really aren't so bad; there are moments when you have to watch all of your new friends hooking up with each other and get very, very jealous of them but i don't think i'd have it any other way.
but i'd have to also say that i don't think i could start a long distance relationship; this is just long distance because things worked out that way. if i hadn't known him in person for half a year, there's no way this could have happened.
I am in a LDR right now. 10 months I am proud to say and not once havve I been unfaithful. Its hard yes. But he coems to see me whenever he can, on holidays, weekends, breaks, yadda yadda. when we have time to ourselves yeah we play ;-) . But we have fun when we are together hanging at the mall or whatever because being far away makes the tiem you spend together more worthwhile. Sex isnt an issue, bcuz that is something that the couple should decide yes its harder for LDR couples to have sex but you can always have cybersex, thats the mother of all of sex! you can enjoy it and its safe! lolbut seriously, depending on the age that you are and the age your bf gf whatever is if they are able to drive or you are,m, go for it, or if you have to catch a bus do it it is worth it if you have not done this yet. LDR's can be tough but they can fun if you want them to be too. they;re actually kinda romantic in a way....
Posts: 22 | From: LA, CA, USA | Registered: Sep 2002
| IP: Logged |
i, too am currently in an LDR. he lives around 200 miles away. he's junior in high-school and i am a sophomore. we don't drive...yet. i don't see him very often...only twice in the two month period...and i won't see him again until january. even those two times were only a couple of hours. it is hard dealing with the loneliness of it all. he can't hold me when i want him, too. he can't even tell me he loves me with his voice because he and i are both too poor to pay for LD phone charges. However..AIM is a wonderful thing. He and i met through mutual friends. we exchanged sns and started talking online..and immediately hit it off..unfortunately he was already packed up and ready to move. our friendship grew...and before i knew it...i was in love. he knew how to make me laugh..make me cry...and i was head over heels for him. took me a while to tell him...since i had been dating one of his friends before it occured to me that i liked him..but that is another story. i believe that LDRs can work. mine has been going just fine, so far. i love him..he loves me...thats all that matters. and we have our own ways of letting it known of our feelings for eachother. if i just read one of his e-mails im set for the rest of the day. all it takes is a little bit of faith and a whole lotta love.
------------------ what if my star is not to come? will my dreams fade to nothing? when the horizon darkens most...we all need to believe there is hope!!
Posts: 33 | From: A place where dreams end | Registered: Nov 2002
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by OmnipotentLover: all it takes is a little bit of faith and a whole lotta love.
and (without wanting to rain on the parade here)
a whole lotta communication and - yup- work.
i've found, in one 2 year ldr and a current one which has been going for just about 3, that love and faith alone, while being very important, of course, alone just will not do it.
sometimes, an ldr quite simply needs work.
you need to remind yourself to communicate efficiently, you need to work on all the tough issues when not face to face (expectations, money, phone costs, plans for the future), you need to make an effort to let your partner be a part of your daily life when (s)he's far away, you need to share all the mundane and the important. i can not stress enough how important communication is - no matter in what form, emails, chats, phone calls, real old fashioned letters, whatever works, really. - but talking, talking, and talking some more, can help make the ldr thing easier and more bearable.
Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.