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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Idk What's Going On

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Author Topic: Idk What's Going On
Kaito
Neophyte
Member # 108858

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I've had my account here for a while, and just never used it, but anyways, my life is slowly spinning out of control. In 2012, I started questioning my gender identity and sexuality. Mid-2013, I came out of the closet as transmale. Shortly after, is where the storm blows in. I got some hate and stuff, and shut the hater out, but they did their damage. I soon became depressed (I haven't been diagnosed yet, and still not diagnosed), and started cutting myself. Well, it somewhat backfired because at a water party, I forgot I'd cut the night before without realising. So here I was, at a party, not covering my bright tomato red cuts. Few days later, my parents all found out, and there was a small talk. Nothing major happened between me and them. But from there to now, my social life has gotten worse, I had several friends. Now I just can't bring myself to talk to them, I'm constantly a third wheel, or even the frickin spare tire, of the group. And recently, I had two "silent" panic attacks during class due to being scared to death (note that it was completely unintentional, except the first one was. I was scared three times). The second day (which is the worst of it), a friend made me jump a mile, then my other friend glomps me from behind, making me really freaked out, shaky. Like a deer, and I ran off to class, shaking pretty bad. I calmed down enough to go in class without being questioned. Then, I was deathly afraid that I'd lost the two as friends because they didn't talk to me at all that day. One of my biggest fears is losing a close friend, and I've lost a good handful of very close friends. I've become pistanthrophobic, and am extremely careful when I meet new people. I've just been really scared this past week, and I don't feel comfortable being alone, with people, I want to just disappear for a little while in my little hole. The past three months, I've been cutting heavily, but not deeply, and I grew addicted quickly. I'm really wanting to get out my razor and just hack away my thighs. My friends shrug it off, too, they just say "No, Kaito, you shouldn't do that. . . Okay what was last night's assignment?" and talk about other things, completely forgetting I self harm. I want help, but I dunno how to talk to anyone about getting it, and for free/low-price too.

I'm sorry this has been a wall of text. I'm just a rambling little monster, I just feel like the little ragdoll nobody likes, and promptly throws out without glancing back. I guess I can Kik someone, but I'd prefer if someone PM'd to get it instead of posting it.

Posts: 4 | From: Sacramento, California | Registered: Nov 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I am so sorry to hear how things have been going for you.

The good news is, you are in a state where getting some help and care is likely very doable.

Would you like us to look into what support and mental health services are potentially available for you in Sacramento or very nearby?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kaito
Neophyte
Member # 108858

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That sounds good. If this helps any, I prefer if it were located near Rancho Cordova or Downtown. Thank you
Posts: 4 | From: Sacramento, California | Registered: Nov 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sam W
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 108189

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Hi Kaito,

I'm not sure if Heather had specific places in mind, but one possible resource you might be interested in is the Gender Health Clinic. A lot of their services are aimed at trans folks, and they do offer mental health services. You can look into them here:
http://www.thegenderhealthcenter.org/about.htm

[ 02-10-2014, 02:07 PM: Message edited by: Sam W ]

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Kaito
Neophyte
Member # 108858

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Sorry I forgot to check in.
That sounds really nice, I'll look into it

Posts: 4 | From: Sacramento, California | Registered: Nov 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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