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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Being alone vs. being with toxic people

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Author Topic: Being alone vs. being with toxic people
artsygirl643
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Member # 51449

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Hello everyone, I just got done with a very difficult semester. This year I was very involved with the gsa club at my school, and it was a great time, but eventually things got bad. This clique in the group started causing a lot of drama and distracting from the main goals of the club. One of the people in that group was my best friend. He started developing some serious issues and started lashing out at me and bullying me. It's a long story, but basically as a queer person I have not felt safe in this supposedly queer safe space for quite a while. I'm done with the club and school is out for a month and a half, but now I don't know what to do. I went from having a big group of people around me and always being invited to things, to suddenly being very, very alone, and that's kinda scary. I went to a school counselor all semester and that really helped, but I'm just afraid that this is going to be yet another break alone, without any friends, worst case scenario I fall into a state of depression. Obviously I'd much rather be alone than be mistreated by people who don't have my best interest, but it's hard to not internalize sometimes. At my last counseling meeting I made a list of things to keep me busy, but does anyone else have tips to get through this break without moping? Or has anyone else felt sad after "breaking up" with friends who were bad for them? [Frown]
Posts: 59 | From: california | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
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Hi Artsygirl643,

Suddenly going from having a big group of friends to being alone can definitely feel like a huge letdown. it can feel particularly disappointing to come out of an emotionally charged space with people who, from the sounds of things, were being nasty and dramatic. I'm glad to hear you've made a list of things to keep you occupied and hope you find that helpful.

I read something in a novel once that really resonated with me. One of the main characters was asked whether she felt lonely after her marriage broke up. She responded that she was alone, but not lonely.

I wonder if remembering that there is a difference between those two things can be helpful to you.

Maybe not, but I thought I'd just put it out there. [Smile]

--------------------
Robin

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Molias
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Oh no, I'm really sorry to hear that the GSA group kind of imploded from drama. I've been a part of groups that started out supportive and had similar meltdowns and it's really frustrating, especially when it's a group that has at one point been a safe space.

Are there any other people from this GSA group who weren't involved in the drama, or who you feel were also made targets? I wonder if any of them are people you could reach out to and talk with, even if you weren't particularly close in the group before. Maybe some of them have some ideas about other groups you could get involved with next semester, or that's something you could investigate yourself as well.

I do think there is some value in having some nice contemplative time to yourself, to work on personal projects or get a lot of reading done, akin to Robin's alone vs. lonely distinction she mentions above. Maybe you can use this break in between semesters to focus on some solo activities that make you feel good?

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artsygirl643
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Yes, in fact this afternoon I connected with a friend from the group who is very sweet, and she's going to connect me with some former members who I lost touch with, but miss spending time with and they are very mellow, gentle people. She reminded me that I am not alone, so I am feeling a bit better now. I just have those moments of panic or anxiety. It will be ok [Smile] Thank you <3
Posts: 59 | From: california | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Molias
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Oh good, I'm glad to hear that! I totally understand that anxiety moments can feel really big and overwhelming. It's great that you have a way to stay in tough with the more friendly folks from that group!
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artsygirl643
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Member # 51449

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Yes! One of them has been a better friend to me in this past month than some of these other "Friends" have been all year, and it's like I just now realized it. She even asked me if I wanted her to be my best friend. I'm feeling very happy and comforted right now <3 All will be well.
Posts: 59 | From: california | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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