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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » ?!? confused ?!?

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Author Topic: ?!? confused ?!?
Member # 96418

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OK so before I start with what I wanted to say/ask. I want to appologize for my words and actions the past few days. Not following some of the rules and guidlines. I know some of my words have hurt others and I am sorry about that. I know I was wrong and I am sorry. So I am sorry Heather, Robin, and all the others.
I am confused. So i am very afriad of being close to any males. I am afriad they will hurt me to. On the other hand I want a boyfriend and am like ok lets do it lets have sex and do what ever. I dont care if i get taken advantage of and if i get raped again. I am almost craving that. I am scared I dont want that. I cant help but think it tho. AM i insane? crazy? nuts? stupid? and dumb? Why would I want to get raped again? So I am looking for some support and advice. any thing in that line. Thanks in advance.

Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 79774

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Hi, diamonddust.

You've said before that a number of men have assaulted you during your life, and because of that it's unsurprising that you're feeling afraid of men and afraid that they might hurt you. If we're women who've been assaulted by men, particularly more than one man, it's not uncommon to feel like that. Obviously it's not a nice or comfortable way for us to feel, but we are allowed to feel that way. It's probably good to remember that not all men assault people or will assault us, but if we feel like we don't want to have close personal relationships - including friendships - with men for a while, we don't have to.

Sometimes when we've been assaulted, particularly if we've been assaulted a number of times, we can come to feel almost as if part of us wants it. Those are usually very tough feelings to have. Sometimes, we can feel like that because people who assaulted us manipulated us into thinking that we wanted it, and that can be a hard thing to unlearn. We might also feel like that because the people who assaulted us taught us that that was all we were good for, or they manipulated us into thinking it was our job or role in life. We might feel the things you expressed because being assaulted taught us that our own wants and control over our bodies don't matter or even don't exist. Those feelings you express absolutely don't mean that you're insane, or stupid, or any of the other things. Sometimes people who've been assaulted do have feelings like that. It's usually very distressing and confusing, but it might help to know that you having those feelings doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you; it's simply another effect of being assaulted.

Usually, getting good, supportive counselling helps people a lot with working through all the things you mention above. It doesn't magically make it all go away at once, but with time, things get a lot better.

It's usually a good idea not to become romantically or sexually involved with anybody while we're still in the early parts of dealing with and healing from assaults or abuse. For one thing, we usually need most of our emotional energy to take care of ourself rather than to negotiate a relationship with another person. Too, before we've really dealt with an assault or abuse, we can often have some unhealthy baggage as a result that would make it difficult or emotionally unsafe for us to relate to someone in those ways.

(I did see the first part of your post, and wanted to let you know that I've not said anything about it simply because I don't think I'm an appropriate person to, as I'm simply another site user like you are.)

The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

Posts: 1786 | From: Europe | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 96418

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Thanks ya i know i am getting into counseling really soon. I am really excited about that. Ya i know i am going thro a ot and feel bad for the staff and volunteers on this site.

Im always abandond

Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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