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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » my friend talks too

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Author Topic: my friend talks too
Ste-Funnie
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Member # 50934

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I talk to my friend on the phone and he goes on and on. I'd try to say something and he wld go on. I wld even say his name and he'll say "let me talk". I wish I cld talk to him about it but im worried that he'll think I dnt accept him for who he is. He is a nice guy tho. What shld I do?

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~Stephanie Gabriella Murray
I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not

Posts: 251 | From: Long Island | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
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Have you talked with him about the way these conversations have been going? Outside of the times where this is happening, I mean. So in other words, at times other than those when you feel like he's monopolizing the conversation, have you brought up the fact that you feel like there is a problem? If not, then that's the place to start. Sometimes we need to have conversations about the way we communicate when we're away from the problem communication.

One good way to start this might be by using a good, strong "I" statement. The best way to usually do this is through a 3 part statement. First you want to describe the other person's behavior. Then state your feelings, and finally describe the consequences the other person's behavior has for you. So, for example "I've had a really hard time talking with you lately (consequence). When you don't allow me to participate in the conversation (behavior), it makes me feel frustrated and uncomfortable (feeling)."

Talking about communication that is not working does not mean that we don't accept someone. It just means that the communication has problems...until we address those issues, things likely won't get better.

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Sarah Liz

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Ste-Funnie
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Explain it again?

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~Stephanie Gabriella Murray
I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not

Posts: 251 | From: Long Island | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Karybu
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Member # 20094

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Have you told him that you feel like there's a problem with the way your conversations usually go? If not, he may not have any idea you're upset about this.

The "I" statements Sarah was talking about are just a specific way of phrasing things in conversations. Using those statements tends to help keep conversations about tough stuff going, and helps keep the other person from getting defensive and upset right away.

Does that make more sense?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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