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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Boyfriend leaving for university

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Author Topic: Boyfriend leaving for university
Member # 59604

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My boyfriend will be leaving for university in September (he's 19, I'm 17). He'll be just under 100 miles away and it will take me about an hour and a half on the train to go and see him. We've been together for over seven months now and I'm genuinely in love with him, and he's in love with me. I don't know what I can say about our relationship without making it sound as though I'm just another silly teenage girl, but I can definitely see us staying together for a very long time. Not only do I love him but he's helped me discover so much more about myself; we have a very healthy relationship. However, I'm really quite scared about him going away. I just want us to be able to stay together despite the distance, but I don't know where to start or what to do. And I'm scared because so many people just seem to brush it off as a silly relationship, which I really don't think it is. While I know that if we do break up there'll be other people, I really don't want anyone ese.

I know I've written a lot, but essentially I want advice from people who've gotten through a long-distance relationship. How did you make it work?

Posts: 5 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Peer Ambassador
Member # 35643

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Hi Cephei,

This article might be a good place to start:

"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

Posts: 1326 | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
B. Adriana
Member # 66741

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I was in the same situation you are in a year and a half ago. The difference was that I was 18 and he was 21. I had met him halfway through my senior year through a friend, by then I was already accepted to a college on the other side of the state (we're from Los Angeles and I went to school in San Francisco). By the time I left we had been together also for 7 months.

For my first year, I came home once a month for holidays. Since the fastest way from home to school was a flight, my bf never took the trip up due to money problems. But everyday we'd talk on the phone and text through out the day. The sad part is that a lot of people I knew were breaking up within the first month of school due to trust issues. I did go out to the city and party but I was never tempted to do anything stupid. Now I didn't text my bf every hour on the hour, and I only called once a day. We had a set space of time to call each other which was usually between 8 and 9 pm. As a girl it did bother me that he'd go out with our friend who is also a girl and hang out with girls I didn't know. But I soon got over it when he'd talk about how ridiculous they were, I personally think humor does make everything better because all we did was talk about people we hung out with. We also got skype and played games together online and on systems since were both gamers.

It depends on the people in the relationship to make a long distance one work. I only did 1 semester my second year and came back home after, it was a personal decision on my part. I feel that we are much closer and stronger as a couple because of that experience, we've been together for over 2 years now.

If you're able to visit him once in a while because of the distance then I say go for it. It means so much to the relationship if you're both able to travel back and forth for each other.

Posts: 13 | From: California | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 70707

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I'm in the same situation right now. I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 18. His college is an hour and a half car ride from our home town.

The most important thing would be to remember that if you really love someone, you can make it through anything. Try to have a plan. My boyfriend and I are planning to have a short, 2-5 minute phone call in the morning, maybe a few texts throughout the day when he's not in class, and a phone call or video chat before bed. He's planning on coming home to visit once or twice a month and on vacations.

Try to figure out a schedule that works for you both. It's very possible to make it work, all it takes is a little bit of effort [Smile]

Best of luck!

-- Zooey <3

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bump on a log
Member # 60751

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What subject is he doing? Because depending on the subject, over here (UK) he may end up with at least one day a week when he's not in class. That's less likely when you're a fresher, but even so, he may end up with a long weekend, which would obviously help out, so fingers crossed, eh? Either of you got a summer job for extra cash? It'd help for visits.

What everyone says in these situations is "Get Skype", and they're right. Get Skype if you don't already have it.

Posts: 170 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 71335

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im about to get into that situation right now. im 16 my bf is 17, in a few months ill be 17 and he'll be 18 and leaving. he trys to avoid the topic all the time, but i think its because it will be esier on him than me. but there is something to help
my sister when through it and said the one thing that can help is kinda branching off. not pushing away from him, but finding other things u love. new people that WILL be there next year, hanging out getitng to know them, finding things that make u happy. and kinda melting back into life before life slaps u with him leaving


Posts: 13 | From: california | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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