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And by scared I mean terrified. I'm an 18 year old virgin but I'm petrified at the idea of getting raped. I've heard of so many stories, from women victim to war crimes to a girl from a local college. It doesn't help that I grew up watching shows like Law and Order. At first I was fascinated by this act because as a feminist I think it's the worst way men exert control over women. But now I'm just petrified, and every time I hear or mostly read a story about rape I start to breath a little faster and I get this worried look on my face. I want to cry but the tears never come. I'm so afraid I'll be another victim; after all, 20% of college women will be victims of rape before graduation. Knowing these things haunt me--- I honestly have a difficult time imagining an emotionally healthy relationship because I'm always thinking it could never happen unless I were a victim of rape and the guy I dated had white-knight syndrome or something. Or I imagine myself to be in an abusive relationship. I'm only a college freshmen. I tried contacting my local wellness center but every time they'd try to call and schedule an appointment I never answer. I'm so afraid of telling someone about this because I'm afraid that whatever they tel me is something I'm not ready to hear. But the fact is I am utterly exhausted by this fear. I'm tired of being petrified. I don't want to day dream about unhealthy relationships because I have a hard time imagining healthy ones. I want all of this underlying fear to end. The worse part is, I'm afraid it'll never go away because rape is a HUGE part of a cultures, America included. I don't know what to do.
-------------------- Message me if you want to chat, because I love surprises! Posts: 2 | From: NJ | Registered: Mar 2011
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Hey there ChickFlick, welcome to Scarleteen!
It does indeed sound to me like you're experiencing some pretty serious anxiety around this. While we definitely always want to be aware that these things are possible and do what we can to prevent them - living in constant fear is no good and will not add anything positive to your life, nor will it prevent you from actually being raped.
A note on getting an appointment at a wellness center - maybe try just walking in? Most places will allow you to make an appointment for later at a front desk.
Serious anxiety is something that is near impossible to control on your own. You need to learn tools for dealing with it, and also having a professional to help sort your feelings with is extremely helpful, too.
In the meantime, focus on the positive. Think about the ins and outs of a HEALTHY relationship, and try not to dwell on the unhealthy ones. Definitely be aware of what the unhealthy/abusive red flags are, but don't try to imagine yourself in one.
Another thing? Rape is awful, you are right. It's a horrible thing that happens to way too many people. I have been raped and more than once. I survived. I'm a fully functional adult with a life and a kid and a boyfriend, and with education and career goals. It CAN happen to you, but the fear of it doesn't need to ruin your life, and the potential act of it doesn't, either.
-------------------- The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King Posts: 1180 | From: WA | Registered: Apr 2006
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I think that it would be best for you if you talked to someone, like a therapist and tell him/her about it. That's the first thing I can think of.
Another thing, there are many, many things you can to do reduce your risk. Carry pepper spray, wear high heels on the first couple dates (the heels can hurt the other guy!).
Above all, don't let this fear control your life.
Best of luck, -Hannah
-------------------- "Being Happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections" -Unknown Posts: 11 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2011
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