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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » so alone and looking for a cheering up

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Author Topic: so alone and looking for a cheering up
Harper85
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Member # 48968

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so i have been in this relationship with my neighbor and it started off really good and then turned into a friends with benefits thing. well he got caught with another girl and i was done everything it ended there. a couple weeks ago i was stupid and slept with him again granted no feeling i laughed after words cuz i found it so funny. yesterday i was walking to my room and i heard him having sex and i was so disgusted. than later when i ran into him i told him to turn up his radio louder cuz i dont want to hear it!! well i found out that he is in a relationship and i just dont get it, i know i ignored the red flags of him being selfish and what not, but what i dont understand is why am i not good enough why is it so easy for him to find girls and i cant even find a guy. and thats why i feel alone i know that it may sound stupid or that i have feeling for him but i dont. i just dont understand what im doing wrong. why do i get all the losers and creeps that want to date me. im a very nice person i know im not hot but im not ugly. any suggestions that would make me feel better?
Posts: 9 | From: montana | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
poetrylover16
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Member # 50026

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i have that same feeling all of the time! I don't understand why only the creeps or in my case creeps, older men, and creepy old men are into me... i understand that what am i doing wrong, i have a pretty good personality, i'm not ugly or anything so why can't someone decent like me? when i read your post i was relived someone else felt that way too
Posts: 21 | From: Saskatchewan Canada | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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poetry and Harper, have you seen this blog entry by any chance?

http://www.scarleteen.com/blog/hugo/2010/05/03/your_body_is_never_the_problem_a_letter_on_clothing_style_and_creepy_old_men

I think it might make a good starting-off point for a conversation about this issue.

I certainly don't think age is the only issue, for either of you, and absolutely don't think this is probably about who does and doesn't like you or either of you being not "good enough." But maybe we can unpack a little of OTHER people's behavior like this first before we talk some more about what both/either of you could do to be more likely to get what you want and need.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
poetrylover16
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Member # 50026

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i read it and thats not really how i feel, its more like why dont people think i'm good enough rather then why am i not good enough and its more like i only attract these losers because they have low standards or something
Posts: 21 | From: Saskatchewan Canada | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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As I just mentioned in another post of yours (hard to keep up with you today! [Smile] ), this likely isn't about you not being good enough, or about someone having low standards.

You've mentioned in a few different places today having very low self-esteem and a negative self-image. When we feel that way about yourselves, we tend to be more likely to be sought out by people who either also feel that way about themselves and/or who just aren't very healthy people. We can also be more likely to just be looking for validation, above all else, which isn't a recipe for healthy intimate relationships.

Someone who feels really low about themselves also often really isn't a good fit for someone who doesn't feel that way or doesn't want to exploit someone's vulnerability. That's not because that person feeling lousy isn't good enough so much as that person usually isn't in the right space yet with their own personal development to have those kinds of relationships with. Do you know what I mean?

So, one thing to know is that when you're feeling this awful about you, that's usually the worst time to try and seek out intimate relationships or leave yourself open to those. It's usually a much better time to do work on yourself, for yourself, and to have relationships that aren't about sex or romance, but are more like safe mentorships or platonic friendships.

[ 11-16-2010, 05:25 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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