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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » An Experience With a Stalker

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Author Topic: An Experience With a Stalker
creakytom
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Member # 48904

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I guess I just need to get this off my chest, and in the absence of people I feel comfortable talking about this with face-to-face, this will do.

I'm an 18-year-old girl and I recently emerged from a situation in which I had to deal with an ex-boyfriend's stalkerish behavior. We had been together for over two years, and his jealousy in the final six months or so was becoming much more than I could handle (he ALWAYS had to know where I was/what I was doing/who I was with and had at one point accused me of sleeping with a close male friend and thrown me into a wall). After I ended the relationship, he just couldn't let it go.

I'll admit that what he did doesn't compare to what some people deal with with a stalker--he never showed up at my house uninvited or made death threats against me or my family or anything like that. However, he did constantly blow up my cell phone with unwanted calls and texts, followed me around school, and generally tried to insert himself into almost every aspect of my life long after I ended our relationship. I tolerated it because his constant suicide threats--brought on by our breakup as well as his toxic home life which I had witnessed while we were together--led me to believe that he really was capable of ending it all. I couldn't deal with the guilt. In my mind, if he were to kill himself, the blood would be as much on my hands as on his.

I have since graduated the high school we used to attend together and moved halfway across the country for college. However, over the last seven-odd months since the stalking began, it has put incredible stress on me--sleepless nights spent on the phone desperately pleading with him to put the gun/razor/knife away; screaming matches with my dad (who could see how badly I was being manipulated and wanted me to file for a restraining order; I wouldn't hear of it); tension in my personal and romantic life (in one particular case, the stalking freaked the guy out so much he stopped wanting to date me altogether); etc. Eventually I got fed up with his trying to intrude into my life when all I want is a fresh start in a new city, so I called the guidance office at my old high school (which he still attends) to inform them of the situation and blocked his phone number. I feel so much better having made this decision.

My problem is that I can't get over it. I'm still so angry at him for not just letting me go, angry at myself for allowing myself to be manipulated to that extent for so long, and resentful of the people who turned their backs on me because of the situation. How do I stop dwelling on it and move on? Is there anyone else on Scarleteen who has dealt with a stalker and wants to share?

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Devanie
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Member # 46095

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I've dealt with stalking issues before. It's a bit of a complicated story, but if you want to hear it, I'd willing to share.

I'm STILL getting over it, actually. I have anxiety attacks sometimes, and sometimes I'll dwell on the fact that he might have been sneaking into my room at night...

I went to a behavioral specialist, and I might be getting on medication for my anxiety due to the whole thing.

But that might not be something you want! And that's totally fine!

I can try and come up with some helpful suggestions, if you'd like...?

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creakytom
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Oh that's creepy about the sneaking into your room. I feel lucky that it never went that far with mine...I'd love to hear the story though =)
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-Firefly-
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 26516

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Hi Creakytom,

I'm so sorry you went through such a tough situation. You're very strong for managing to get out of it and cut off contact. I went through a similar situation in my first year of university, and I definitely understand the anger and resentment you're feeling now. It takes time to get over this kind of abuse and manipulation, and it's not your fault in any way. Try not to beat yourself up about it. You didn't "allow" yourself to be manipulated. I know from experience how hard it is to get out of something like this, especially when someone threatens suicide and puts the blame on you. Even if it had happened, it would not have been your fault.

With all that said, in my case, it really helped me to have some in-person counseling. Just the fact that I was able to honestly discuss things with someone made me feel so much better and it helped put things into perspective. Do you think that in-person counseling would be something you'd want to try? If so, do you need any help finding resources in your area? We can also continue to talk about it here if you'd like.

I hope this helps!

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Vero
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creakytom
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Member # 48904

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Thanks so much blysse_norwood...I've considered taking advantage of the counseling center at the university. I don't know if I would have to pay out-of-pocket though, cause that's definitely not something I can afford right now.
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-Firefly-
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 26516

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Many universities offer free counseling services for their students so it would be worth looking into it. If it isn't free, they might operate on a sliding scale, meaning that it would cost very little for people with low/no income. They may also be able to refer you to other services too if they don't offer what you're looking for.

If that doesn't work out, let us know and we can try to find other services in your area that might be good for you.

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Vero
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creakytom
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Member # 48904

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Well I talked to the counseling center, I have a time slot on Monday.

So we'll see how that goes I guess..

Posts: 4 | From: US | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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