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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Guys who've gotten pressured

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Author Topic: Guys who've gotten pressured
AnxietyDisorder
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Member # 47562

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ok.. YES IT DOES HAPPEN.. im tired of people coming into my health class saying LADIES don't let those guys pressure you.. this year i've been into a really bad relationship that i really regret. i never wanted to do anything sexual at ALL.. i thought this girl was sweet, cute, and had the same plans as me in the future... one day she started to feel my penis through my pants.. i soon got a erection and my hormones did the rest. i let her perform a blowjob on me. I did not know about how you can get pregnant without having sex. another experience i had was when she was on top of me naked.. she told me to just put it in her without a condom and nothign would happen.. i got REALLY mad at that point and told her to get off or i was leaving. she listened. what really got me mad is that she yelled at me for it and said why didn't you just put it in me. from that point on i didn't want to do anything sexual anymore.. but it also scarred me. it made me think that she wanted to get pregnant so she could get money from my family. i ended up breaking up with her and till today i am still sacred about her being pregnant
Posts: 21 | From: New York | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I just want to make clear that we're very aware here that this does happen, and it's not like this is a gender issue where somehow ONLY women or female-bodied people can be pressured. Men and/or male-bodied people, people of all genders, most certainly can.

But just so you know with your health class, the rate of women/female-bodied people being pressured and/or sexually assaulted by men/male-bodied people is far higher, and the stakes are also higher, since female-bodied people can become pregnant. I would personally still prefer teachers talk to people about not pressuring or being pressured in a gender-neutral way, so I'm not excusing those who don't, just trying to fill you in a bit.

Based on what you're saying here, I am not seeing any situation in which she could have become pregnant. So, if you still feel very scared and have (understandably) some emotional issues because of this relationship, have you sought out any counseling or other support to help you through this?

I'm glad you put this thread here, regardless. I think it'd be great if we could all talk some more about this issue in general, specifically about some things we do tend to see here and elsewhere, like:
The idea men are always wanting/ready for sex and will always want to say yes, which is not true and is a double-standard
The idea that women can be harmed by sexual pressure/coercion, but men cannot (also false)
The idea it's somehow more okay for women to pressure men (it isn't)
The notion that it's very important for women to think about if they are ready for sex, and for partners to be cautious and careful in that regard, but many people don't feel the same is true for men (it is)
Heck, even the idea that only men can be dangerous or do harm, and that woman are somehow harmless (both not true, but also way complicated, since that often stems from women being given no power for much of history and thus, presented as powerless and benign -- in other words, backlash and patriarchy is a big part of this, but that still doesn't make it true or okay)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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coralee
Peer Ambassador
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AnxietyDisorder, I'm sorry you went through that, and I totally agree that it's not just women that can be pressured into sex. In my opinion, as well as implying that men cannot be pressured, this attitude also implies that when women (especially teens/girls) have sex,they are likely being pressured into it instead of having sex because they want to.

While sadly a lot of women/girls *are* pressured into sex or have sex without really wanting it, some choose to have sex and I think that should be respected as well.

[ 06-23-2010, 07:30 PM: Message edited by: coralee ]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I think that's a really great point, coralee. Big time.

But in the interest of being supportive of the OP, and his wanting to talk about how men can be pressured and coerced, I think it's important to focus this on men and how men are impacted, okay? [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
AnxietyDisorder
Neophyte
Member # 47562

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Counseling is not a option for me because my family is a family about ANTI relationships.. Which means ANTI sex.. sex as in oral, Manuel, and of course intercourse. Kissing was also greatly shammed upon in my family unless, I was in college and met a women of my same class.. this girl's family was not financially doing well which scared me about getting pregnant for money. it has taken a toll on my life and idk what to do this summer because it is DRIVING ME insane. so advice to people out there men or women.. who get pressured to do things, even if they say they love you.. if you not ready DON'T do it you really don't want to regret it.. even if your ready and hes not don't pressure him wait into you two are both truley ready, so you can get the best experience you can get and u'd feel better about and won't have to worry about it like i do.
Posts: 21 | From: New York | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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