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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Just need someone to talk to (Page 3)

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Author Topic: Just need someone to talk to
Djuna
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Mmm, I know what you mean - I only started getting flashbacks a few months ago to do with a sexual assault a year or more before that. I found it odd the lapse in time, I suppose it's a coping mechanism.

Personally, what I found helps me is having a little book I write that sort of thing down in (all my dreams, as often as I can, actually). Often I think a lot of my anxiety about a bad dream would be trying to remember what I'd dreamt, you know? I don't go back and read them particularly, but it's good for me to brain-dump like that.

From my own experience, even so, flashbacks are pretty horrid, so I hope you're doing OK. [Smile]

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In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I dont know what I am. I dont know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.

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bookwormfairy
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Thanks Joseph.

Now I have a problem with a friend, lets call her Beth. She and I and another friend were at the mall today most of the time we were talking about my ex who is also Beth's ex. My ex cheated an me with Beth. My other friend and all were trying to talk Beth out of getting back together with the ex. When I told her that I reported him for harassment but should have reported him for attempting to rape me three times. She, Beth, texted the ex to say I was saying stuff about him. By accident she sent it to my phone instead. I didn't confront her about it since I'm not that type of person. She's my friend, shouldn't she be on my side and not tell the ex what I said eventhough the ex is also a friend of ours.

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~Lillian

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Heather
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You know, I think you can talk to her about this. You can explain that you got the text, and just be mellow about it instead of confrontational.

You can explain that you told her what you did not to talk trash about someone, but because you care about her and wouldn't want her or anyone else to have to be harassed and abused the way you were by that person. You can make clear that you still honor her right to make her own choices, but you just didn't want to see her making them without information you thought she might want to have in terms of her own safety.

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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bookwormfairy
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Yesterday I texted my friend and told her that she accidentally sent that text to me and I asked her why she wanted to send it to him in the first place. She said she didn't know why. I then told her that the only reason I told her about the attempted rape was because she's my friend and I didn't want her to get hurt the same way I did.

She didn't reply to that, so ten minutes later I asked whether she believed me. It took her like 15 minutes to reply and she said yes. But, I don't know if I should have confidence in that "yes" because usually if someone believed you they would respond right away.

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~Lillian

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Heather
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I don't know that I agree with you on that.

Not only do you now know what else she was doing in those 15 minutes, that information is tough to process, and someone saying they believe it means they have to acknowledge a truth out loud, which is often harder than hearing one.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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bookwormfairy
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I haven't posted anything in a while so I thought I might gave an update.

I now have both my drivers and nail tech license. My advocate finally called me back after three weeks and when I get back from vacation in two weeks I will schedule an appointment to meet her and a counselor.

My brother is sortof insensitve about the whole issue, as in, when we are watching a movie about a girl being raped(movie was triggering), he says the girl wasn't raped because she responded back to the rapest(his words were also triggering). I understand his reaction to it all since he needs someone to blame and he doesn't really understand the situtation. I think I might ask someone to talk to him about it after I'm back from vacation.

Overall I'm doing well, haven't self harmed in two weeks and intend to keep it that way. My goal is to not self harm for a month when I accomplish that then I extend it to two months, etc. Hopefully I won't do any injuring for the rest of my life [Razz]

[ 07-30-2010, 05:18 PM: Message edited by: bookwormfairy ]

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~Lillian

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Heather
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It's great to hear all of the good stuff! Good for you, and so glad you're doing so well.

With your brother, at the very least you can make clear that you're not down to discussing rape, period, and just ask he NOT discuss it with you. Perhaps obviously, you also get to opt out of movies about rape or with rape scenes, okay?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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bookwormfairy
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I'm back from vacation and would have wrote sooner but had no internet.

Heather, I forgot to write in my last post that I wanted to watch the movie because it was about rape and figured that it might be triggering. I guess I wanted to see it to see how it compared to my situation.

For english class, I have to read a book about a 17yr old girl who falsely accuses a 30 something yr old guy of rape. I can't even bring myself to open the book which is wierd since I read that book when I was in 8th grade and today I finished reading the book Speak for like the 10th time.

I'm debating whether or not I should call my advocate to schedule that appointment with her and a counselor. On one hand, I've been dealing with everthing on my own fairly well. Though, on the other hand, I need a counselor to talk to, to help sort everthing out instead of me bottling it all up inside.

The main issue is my mom, what am I going to say to her when I leave the house? If I be honest with her then she is going to start saying how I can tell her anything and ask why I didn't tell her I wanted counseling earlier.

I don't know. If I called to schedule the appointment (I want to do this) then I was going to schedule it for sometime between next week and when school starts.

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~Lillian

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Heather
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Amber: Can you call your advocate and ask her to call your Mom and explain why counseling benefits survivors and could benefit you? It just seems like a solution where there didn't have to be any sneaking around and your Mom supported you in taking care of yourself would be a lot more ideal, if possible.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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bookwormfairy
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Well my advocate did talk to my mom about it a little a think. She called my home phone for somereason instead of my cell and at the time she called, I wasn't home so she talked to my mom. She told my mom that I wrote an impact statment and how she thinks I should be in counseling.

When I got home, my mom asked me how I got the impact statement form and I told her that I wrote my own. She didn't ask me what I wrote on it. Then she asked if I wanted counseling since my advocate mentioned something about it and I just ignored that question.

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~Lillian

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Heather
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Can I ask why you ignored the question?

perhaps you need to revisit it. My guess is, from things you have said before, that you may have ignored it since you feel she's unsupportive of you getting counseling. So, maybe you can bring it up again, explain why you ignored it, and tell her that you DO want counseling?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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bookwormfairy
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I should tell her but I don't know. I do feel like she is unsupportive of me receiving counseling. For one, once we were in the waiting area at my therspist office and all the seats were filled so she and I had to stand. She said to me in our native language are all these people crazy. With this, I pretty much connected the dots that she thinks counseling is for crazy people although she did offer to continue counseling at least three times now.

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~Lillian

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Heather
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Sometimes it just takes people time to adjust wrong/learned ideas they have about something. Obviously, it'd be ideal if your Mom could do that in her own head instead of out loud, and be supportive of what you say you need in the meantime, but unfortunately, that's not what's happened.

But if you feel like you need some extra support, I'd say asking for your advocate to talk to her about this could be a great move.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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bookwormfairy
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Ok, I will do that. I'll call her sometime next week.

I can't believe school will start in a little bit less than three weeks. Sigh, the bad part is I will see the guys that either did stuff to me,will continuosly ask me out(even though they know my answer would be no)or ones that will ask me for sexual favors. Not to mention my ex(the one that attempted to rape me)will probably still call me names. On the brightside, this might be my last year in high school, I really hope it will be because I don't think I can handle another year of this.

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~Lillian

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Heather
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Do you want to take action around this? because legally, you have protection at school you can invoke with sexual harassment. This is not something you just have to suck up and tolerate. Your school has a responsibility to keep all its students safe.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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bookwormfairy
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By action, do you mean talk to the administrators? If it is then I already did that a whole bunch of times and all they did was talk to the guys which didn't do anything to stop them.

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~Lillian

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Heather
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By all means, then, the administration did not take all of the action that they should have. So, you have the right to demand they take more, or to have someone advocate for you on your behalf.

This is something else I'd suggest asking your advocate about. She can probably call in herself or have a lawyer do so on your behalf.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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bookwormfairy
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Ok well now, everything I planned is messed up now. My mom had to take her shop back because the relative that she sold it to won't pay her.The good news is now we have a second income and I also get to have my own car now. But also there are a lot of things that concerns my mom because of this.

I don't want to bother her with the fact that I'm interested in counseling. I still plan to call my advocate on Monday or Tuesday though. But, I have to put it on hold for a little bit.I might schedule an appointment for the week of the 23rd. When school starts I have to pick up my little cousins from school and babysit. If the people at the place don't mind watching 2 kids for like an hour then I'll go.

[ 08-15-2010, 08:41 PM: Message edited by: bookwormfairy ]

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~Lillian

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Heather
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I'm not sure I understand enough of the whole sitch here to get how much this changes things, but I'd just fill your advocate in on the changes when you talk with her.

Just so you also know, many therapists now do online counseling. So, in the case that face-to-face counseling just won't work for you, that's another option.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Djuna
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Hi there Liliamber! I've been away from the computer for a while so I thought I'd see how you were doing. Congratulations on your driver's and nail tech licenses. [Smile] I'm curious to know what a nail tech license involves - is that for manicures and so on?

I study English literature, and I definitely get how teachers can be unreceptive at first to you not wanting to study a certain book - have you thought any more about that? For instance, at my high school there were often different books set for different classes, or you may have options for self-directed study.

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In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I dont know what I am. I dont know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.

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bookwormfairy
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It doesn't change much, it's just that I don't feel like it would be a good time to tell my mom I want counseling.

As for the book, I don't have to read it for school. They give you a list of four books and you only have to read one of them but I want to and started rereading it.

Yes Joseph, mani, pedi and fake nails.

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~Lillian

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Djuna
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It certainly might be interesting to reread - I'm hearing that you're perhaps a little worried that it might be triggering, and that's absolutely something you can talk about here if you would find that helpful. I've found a couple of times that a set book has been pretty triggering or otherwise upsetting for various reasons.

How much work do you have to do to get one of those licenses? Is that towards a job or is it more of an interest? I have sucky nails, torn cuticles, the works, so I've always wanted to find out how to take better care of them. [Smile]

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In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I dont know what I am. I dont know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.

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bookwormfairy
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I called my adovate today, she was busy so she'll call back on Wednesday since she has off tomorrow. I will schedule and appointment to meet a counselor next week and tell my mom sometime this weekend.

And Joseph, I need 200 hrs at a beauty school and it's for a side job.

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~Lillian

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bookwormfairy
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So I called my advocate and told her that I wanted counseling and to make an appointment for next week but I still didn't tell my mom. She said that I should do that soon and that my mom sounds like she is ok with me getting counseling when she talked to her. Also, she will call me back to tell me when the counselor is available.

Lucky my mom brought the topic up first and I told her. But, I can't go there for counseling since my mom says it's too far for me to drive. Apparently she knows a friend that works for a psychologist and the office is close to our house. So, I'm going to tell her that I want to go there.

[ 08-18-2010, 10:31 PM: Message edited by: bookwormfairy ]

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~Lillian

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bookwormfairy
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School starts Monday. I still don't have a counselor but I'm ok with that for now.

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~Lillian

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Karybu
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I hope the start of the school year goes well for you! (And I do hope you find a good counselor soon.)

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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bookwormfairy
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School starts again tomorrow.

My mom and I are still trying to find a psychologist,(and only a psychologist because my mom thinks they are more skilled).

My advocate called to see how I was doing while I was at school, so she left a message. I called her back to day and left a message.

I'm starting to have dreams again of me getting raped except this time I was able to stop him. I think this is a good sign.

I haven't cut in two months I think. But, for some reason I want to cut right now.

[ 09-06-2010, 03:04 PM: Message edited by: bookwormfairy ]

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~Lillian

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Heather
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Good to hear from you, Amber. [Smile]

I'm not sure why your Mom is being so specific about a psychologist, since other kinds of mental health professionals are also skilled and trained, but a psychologist can certainly provide you counseling, all the same.

I hope you can end your game of phone tag with your advocate. [Smile] When you do talk to her, perhaps she can recommend someone for you to see?

I'm sorry you're having dreams about this again, but it does sound like the nature of them is changing to reflect your healing, which is good news.

How can I help with your desire to cut?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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bookwormfairy
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Well, the urge has passed now,but somedays I think to myself "maybe just one more time to see how it feels, it won't hurt anything". This of course isn't good to think because it will hurt me and other people if I do it.

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~Lillian

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bookwormfairy
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Ok so, I have an appointment with a psychologist on Tuesday. Her office is about 40 mins away and apparently my parents trust me enough to drive there myself. It is good that I have someone to talk to but, now I have to tell her everything I told my therapist which is annoying.

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~Lillian

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Heather
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That's really great.

Frankly, I don't think it's a bad thing to have to retell our histories. It's not like we only talk about big stuff in our lives once or to one person, and usually the more we talk about ourselves and our lives, the more we learn and heal.

I'm sorry I missed your post the other day. Your new therapist can certainly help with this, but one thing I'd suggest is that cutting always does have the capacity to harm, and moving backwards can also undo the progress you've made so far.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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bookwormfairy
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My mom just told me an hour ago that I have to keep looking for a psychologist, someone that accepts our insurance plan. The insurance company will reimberse but not enough. I don't know if the appt. on Tues. will be cancelled. Sigh, insurance companies are annoying.

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~Lillian

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Heather
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I'm really sorry your Mom doesn't seem to be helping you do this much.

Do you have access to any paperwork or tools from your insurance company that can help you find someone they cover? Did you call this psychologist you have an appointment with to see if she might make an exception with her rates, or might be able to refer you to someone your company covers?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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bookwormfairy
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I do, last night I looked up psychologists/ psychiatrists that were covered by my insurance.

But, I'm a really picky person so it is kinda hard to find one. I want someone who is fairly young, (in their 30's to 42) or just looks like shes young, female and has a nice face. I didn't find any.

I didn't call the psychologist but she was referred to us by a friend who told us how she did the billing.

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~Lillian

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Heather
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Do you want my advice on screening for a therapist? I ask because it sounds to me like the way you're trying to screen really may not be the way to find the best fit.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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