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Author Topic: Just lost someone dear and I'm in to much pain to handle
michan
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Tonight I found out that my favourite and closest mentor has died. She died last night. She meant the world to me. She was my voice teacher for over a year and I had two absolutely amazing years of knowing her. She was inspiration to me and I will never in my life forget what she's done for me.
She has made me so much better at music, she has given me courage to do so many things musically that I never would would have done before and I really wished that I had really truly been able to say thank you to her.
Beverly Medford, or Bev for short, was my idol. She was my hero and the person I truly looked up to. Since I met her she has been nothing but kind and always with a smile on her face. And it pains me that I have to right something so horrible that is speaking of her death. However, she should not be mourned. She should be thought of only for the good things she has ever done, which truly was everything she did. She brought joy into so many peoples lives, and gave the best gift she could possibly give anyone. She gave us the gift of music.
Now as I write this, there are tears streaming down my face because I have just found out about it tonight and my heart is completely broken. The only thing I'm feeling is sadness.
Bev gave me things that nobody else could have ever given me as well as her. Not only did she give me the gift of music, but she gave me the gift of confidence. She gave me chances to sing solos, to sing in front of large crowds so they could admire my song. But if they were admiring anything, it should have been the talent and heart that Bev brought to absolutely everything in this world.
Bev meant everything to me. I looked up to her more than I looked up to anyone else because of what she's done for me. Bev has helped me find, through music, who I am, what I want to do with my life, and to no matter what's happening, to give it your all.
And despite how badly I'm hurting right now, I need to remember these lessons that she's taught me and use them to my advantage. And I will continue to sing, I will continue to learn piano, and I will continue to perform no matter how hard of a time I'm going through, and I will do this because this woman who has taught me so much would have wanted me to and would have encouraged me to. So now, every time I sit in front of a piano, or anytime I am about to go on stage and perform a song, or even just singing on my own, I will do it with the memory of Beverly Medford in my heart, god rest her soul.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To Bev,
There were many things I wish I'd told you that I never did. I wish I told you that I thought you were amazing, I wish I told you that you have changed my life, and I wish I'd told you that you are my hero and Idol and that I love you. You truly meant the world to me when it came to my music, and for that I will never stop spreading the music in your memory. No matter where I am, no matter where I go. I will spread the music for you.
~Sincerely, a pupil who really loved you, Miyuki Hayashi

To Bev Medford, may you rest in peace and keep us in your heart forever just as we will to you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm in so much pain because of this, I've been crying off and on since I found out a few hours ago, I have a headache I'm crying now, I'm tired and can't sleep. I'm in so much pain I'm almost feeling nothing. My eyes are red and dry.
I just don't know...... I don't know anything right now...

[ 11-04-2009, 12:53 AM: Message edited by: michan ]

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~Mi-chan

Posts: 34 | From: BC, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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Hey Michan, I'm really sorry to hear about the loss of your mentor; she sounds like a wonderful person who did so much to help and inspire you and others. I'm sure she sensed your commitment and enthusiasm when she was with you, and it sounds like her legacy will really live on. I do understand how such a loss can be really hard to deal with... give yourself time, look for ways to reflect and honor her if you'd like, and talk to others if you get a chance. It does get easier/better with time but this is extremely recent; please also do give yourself the time and space to grieve. <3
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Kalex
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I'm so sorry to hear about your mentor. I can't fully imagine how it would feel to lose someone so important to you.

I just wanted to say, like Ecofem, that maybe you never said those things to her in person, but I think she knew anyway. When we care so much for another person, they can tell. I think you had an impact on her life too.

Your love of music is really inspiring, and I wish you luck in the future.

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Jill2000Plus
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Michan, you have my deepest sympathies and please do take as much time as you need to grieve this loss, it's clear she was very special to you and it's wonderful that she inspired you so (though, don't be hard on yourself if you ever can't find the strength to play or sing, everyone has days when it's all too much), my mum's cat died a couple of months ago and I'm still thinking of them, I realised that maybe we don't get to a point where we're ok with someone's death because we don't stop loving someone and it is sad to remember that they are gone, we just try to remember to enjoy the good that we do have in our lives, our bodies and our thoughts and all the wonderful things we can do and everyone we care about who still exists, who is still alive. I'm quite sure your mentor did know how you felt.

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Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

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michan
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Thank you very much for everything all of you ^^
I've been thinking about it very hard, in between my ridiculous amounts of crying today >.>
I've decided, that when I have all of the understanding of music theory I'm going to teach music lessons just like her, just to continue on what she has done. I'm going to pay it forward to others just as she had to me.

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~Mi-chan

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Jill2000Plus
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Michan, I just wanted to check you are doing ok, I hope you are still doing things that make you feel better and you have space to process this.

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Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

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michan
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I am doing much better, thank you. The celebration of her life was yesterday and me along with a bunch of other people had the chance to sing at it. I'm sure she absolutely loved it and I'm sure she was somewhere among us laughing and smiling at the stories that were told. ^^

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~Mi-chan

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Jill2000Plus
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I'm glad to hear it.

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Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

Posts: 840 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
michan
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Ya, I've actually just had something really good happen. I found out I'm going on an exchange to Japan.... I think that all of this was meant to turn out this way. I think it's a sign for me to move on and to live life the way that she would have wanted me to.

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~Mi-chan

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Jill2000Plus
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Eeto... subarashii! Gambatte ne, Michan, BANZAI!!!

I apologise for that...

That sounds really great, I hope you enjoy yourself and learn new things.

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Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

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michan
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hehe don't worry about it ^^
ya, I'm super excited

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~Mi-chan

Posts: 34 | From: BC, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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