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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Grandma passed away and not sure how to say goodbye..

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Author Topic: Grandma passed away and not sure how to say goodbye..
Typical Young and Dumb Teenager?
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Member # 37530

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My biological father, who lives hundreds of miles away, just called about an hour ago and said my grandma passed away after having a heart attack around 10:45 last night. We've been knowing she was very sick and having heart problems for a while, and I had accepted, or thought I did, that she wouldn't be around for much longer around New Years. But now I'm not sure how to say goodbye.. We weren't really, really close because I only got to see my dad's side of the family on major holidays (easter, christmas, thanksgiving, summer), but I've felt for a while now that she was the only one on my dad's side who truly understood how I felt most of the time because my dad and I have never really seen eye to eye- and it's not just because I'm a teenager.. I can't go to the funeral Wednesday, for obvious reasons, and besides my friends, who've I've already had to lean on too much because of the breakup, I have no one to talk to about it. I can't talk to my mom because she doesn't like her, and I just know she won't help.. and I can't talk to my dad or grandpa because I don't want them to know I'm too upset about everything, especially since when I called my grandpa, he choked up and said he had to go. So, even though my dad said everyone is "good", I'm aware everyone just needs time to mourn.

What do I do? How do I let go? I told my ex, because I thought he deserved to know, but I just don't know who to lean on. I'm afraid when I go visit in a little over a month it'll all be too hard. I don't want to have a breakdown, especially when I'm with my dad. (He once screamed at me for crying when I was at his house and found out my great aunt had just died.) I just don't know how to say goodbye without saying goodbye, you know? It's like I feel like I need to see her before I can fulling accept everything. Any advice?

Btw, I only have two pictures of her, and they aren't too recent.

[ 03-02-2009, 04:55 PM: Message edited by: Typical Young and Dumb Teenager? ]

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Young and Dumb.
"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." - Keith Urban

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, one option might be to write something someone else who is going to the funeral could read out loud. How might that feel for you?

You also could ask your Dad or someone else in the family if they have any photos they might be able to give you copies of if you'd like to have those.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Typical Young and Dumb Teenager?
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Member # 37530

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I actually called my dad and we talked a little while; when I go visit, he's going to give me pictures. Writing anything would be pointless, though. It wouldn't be read, and even if it was, I still can't see her.. I guess it's more of a realization thing. My mom's mom offered to bring me, but because it's over 500 miles away (one way), and I know she needs to work and make money, I said no. That would just be selfish of me..

I think talking to my dad helped me a little, though. And my ex reassured me that I could talk to him, although I'm not, which helped in it's own way, I suppose. It's just going to be hard when I go to visit my grandpa in April and it actually sets in that she's not going to greet me and give me a hug or anything. I guess time will heal things; it usually does.

Thanks, Heather.

[ 03-02-2009, 08:31 PM: Message edited by: Typical Young and Dumb Teenager? ]

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Young and Dumb.
"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." - Keith Urban

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You know what else? Why not just write that letter to your grandmother yourself, and create some kind of ritual for yourself so you can read it out loud to her? You can put out one of her photos, light a candle, and say what you want to say.

Obviously, who knows if she'll be able to hear you, but the important thing is that you'll be able to express yourself and have something for you in this.

I'm glad you're feeling better, and I'm so sorry your grandmother has passed. My best blessings to both you and she, wherever she may be now.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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meladie
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i'm really sorry to hear about your grandmother. my granny died a few years ago, so i understand how hard it is. one way that i dealt with it is that i wrote letters to her, wrote poems about her, and sometimes i sang songs to her, like when i was driving or walking by myself. remember some of the things you two did together, and if you can or want to, do some of them and imagine what she would say or do if she was with you. i used to sit with my granny on a swing and we would sing. sometimes when i miss her, i go and sit on the swing and pretend she's with me. it leaves me feeling a little better.
you'll always miss your grandmother, and sometimes the sadness never goes away, but think about the good things that you two shared.

Posts: 15 | From: indiana | Registered: Jun 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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