My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years now. I knew before that his mom had a gambling problem, but for awhile she was over it.
Well now it's back, and I'm afraid that it's tearing him apart. You see, his parents divorced a pretty long time ago, and his father lives in China most of the time. My boyfriend's an only child and he and his mom are pretty close. He waits up for her all hours of the night so that he's sure she gets home safe. Sometimes she'll promise to be home with dinner, and not come home until the middle of the night.
I can see the hurt in my boyfriend's eyes and that he's just holding back showing a lot of emotion. He tends to be pretty introverted, and he's just bottling all this up. I'm concerned that it's not that healthy, and I've told him that I'm here to talk whenever he needs me, but I don't want to push him to feel when he really doesn't want to.
I guess he and his mom are taking a step in the right direction though, as she confessed that she's gambling again to him last night. It seems like that's the first step towards help. I looked up some local gambling addiction resources for him through our university's website and he's going to show them to his mom.
I think I've done everything I CAN do at this point but the problem is is that I'm feeling mighty alone here... I want to talk to my parents about it, but my boyfriend wants me to keep this to myself (I think he's kind of... for lack of a better word, embarassed about the situation). I guess that I need some support to... I'm incredibly close to my boyfriend; we've been best friends for over 3 years. It's painful to watch him get hurt by addiction, and hard to see how he feels so powerless about it.
I don't really know what I'm asking for here. I guess I'm finding it a little hard to cope with since I'm seeing someone I deeply care for hurting and can't really do a god damned thing about it. I'm angry, I'm upset, and I just want jam out on guitar and sing but I've lost my voice due to a nasty cold.
Perhaps some words of encouragement? Advice? Anybody else been in a similar situation?
Posts: 206 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2008
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Is your partner getting any help for himself in all of this? There are support groups for family members, friends, etc. of those struggling with addiction. For example, Gam-Anon is that sort of organization (it is founded on religious/spiritual principles, so you'll want to be aware of that at least). There may also be other resources available in your community and/or university. Many addiction counselors will also meet with the family & friends of people with addiction problems. If your partner wants to seek out support for himself, you could also be involved in that if the two of you wanted that.
It sounds like you are being a wonderful, supportive friend and partner here. As much as it hurts to see someone we love in pain, we cannot make their decisions for them or wave a magic wand and take it away (no matter how much we wish we could). You've done a wonderful thing by helping him find resources for his mom. You also might suggest that he look at getting some help for himself as well. Beyond that, just being supportive as you have been is all you can do.
-------------------- Sarah Liz Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000
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