A lot of us have had to deal with difficult issues throughout the course of our life, whether it is abuse (be it physical, sexual or psychological), the loss of a loved one, drugs or alcohol problems, family or relationships issues, a mental disorder or medical condition diagnosis or other things.
Itís very easy sometimes when we have been in those difficult spots and have been dealing with those issues to focus mostly on the negative effects that those things have had on us and our life rather than focusing on the positive aspects and outcomes.
We canít change something that happened in the past but we can learn to better accept it and I think that focusing on the positive aspects can help us better do so.
I like to think that there is something positive out of every issue that weíll be faced with during our life, whether itís because it has made us grow as a person, made us stronger, taught us something new, made us appreciate life more, changed our character for the better, brought us closer to somebody, changed our view positively on people or things, led us to making positive changes in our life or the life of others, what have you.
What have been some of the difficult times of your life/some difficult issues that youíve been faced with and what are the positive things that you feel youíve gotten out of those ?
In short, how have those difficult issues that youíve been faced with contributed positively to the person you are now or to the life you are now living ?
I felt very strange the first time I articulated that if I could go back in time and take the actions that would have prevented me from being in an abusive relationship, I wouldn't.
I don't think I'd be willing to relive it, but if someone gave me the choice to go back, and stop everything that happened before it started, I wouldn't take the chance.
As strange as it might seem, I believe that being abused, being raped, and going through the healing process, has made me a better, stronger person. I am more empathetic because of my experiences. I am kinder, more understanding, a better listener, and I hold myself and my partner to a much higher standard than I believe I would have had terrible things not happened to me.
Being raped dramatically changed my life and the way I view the world. But I learned how to use that new viewpoint to help others and to better understand other people in general. I learned exactly how strong I can be, how to get help from others, and so many other things.
I really, genuinely love the person I am today, and I just reached that point within the last year or two. I don't know if I'd feel the same way if I hadn't gone through that trauma. My experiences are a large part of me, and they have had a huge influence on who I am today. And I'm proud of myself and who I am now. I wouldn't risk changing that by changing my past.
Posts: 2262 | From: in transition | Registered: Apr 2008
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I agree with atm1...I was involved in incest, and always had domestic violence...I think that everything I've been through has made me mature a little faster and changes the way I see things...positively tho. And even though I've had unpleasant experiences I wouldn't change them, because they took me where I am today, and I like where I am today =) I've made big mistakes but they're worth it when you learn from them...
-------------------- c0nejitab0nita Posts: 16 | From: new york | Registered: Jan 2009
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I definitely went through a couple of emotionally taxing years between the ages of 12-16. When I was younger I was bullied quite a lot. It started out being about my height, but then someone decided it would be a great idea to start calling me a whore. I was 12. The situation really escalated to the point where some of the harssment called for invention by the police. While it was incredibly painful, it really did make me a strong person in the long run. I had to learn to love myself when all the outside influences at school were telling me that I was useless and disgusting. It was tough, and I didn't manage to until years later. Now I realize too how much my family was there for me during that rough time.
A couple of years after that I became depressed and I started to self injure (I really hate the word mutilation...) and got involved with a really troubled boy. Unfortunately, our relationship turned into a very emotionally abusive one, as well as sexually abusive. Seven months of hell before, once again, my family saved my life (literally, I was suicidal). The last couple of years have been such a discovery time for me because of what happened. I have learned so much about myself, and how strong I can be. I don't think I would be the same person I am today without having to go through the struggle of dealing with a self injury addiction. Another good thing that came out of the whole ordeal is me discovering Scarleteen when I was struggling dealing with being raped. This site has really given me a whole new perspective on everything and inspired me to be a better person.
Another thing that has made me become who I am is almost losing my mother to epilepsy, and what could have been brain cancer (the doctors are still undecided if it was or not). Luckily because of the city we live in, and because healthcare is relatively affordable here, my mom could have thte best treatment available. But it was one of those things that really can tear a family apart if you don't stick together. At the time, I thought it was nothing special, but now I realize that not just any 16 year old could deal with abuse and almost losing a parent and seeing that parent go through brain surgery within 2 years and get out of it okay.
All of these things happened during the most fragile part of my development. I was really just a kid. While all of these things forced me to grow up pretty fast, I wouldn't change it for the world. I have such a different perspective on life than a lot of people my age, and I love how I can use it to help my friends when they need advice.
When I'm in a rough patch, I can look back on everything that happened and think "If I got through that, I can definitely get through this.".
Posts: 206 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2008
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