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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Bullying after a thing that happened

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Author Topic: Bullying after a thing that happened
Member # 40057

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I created a new name because Iím to embarrassed to use the one I usually write under since I donít want some people I know online on this forum know its me.

Iím a girl and Iím 13 and everyone hates me because after a thing that happened and everyone tells me how gross I am and what a baby I am. I need help because I donít know what to do or say! I have never been popular but never bullied or anything like that before, but now I am.

What happened was that I peed in my pants BUT IT WASNíT MY FAULT! Please understand!!?? We (me and 4 friends) were going home on the subway after seeing a movie. We got on the subway but on the way home something happened and it just stopped between 2 stations! And it stood still for 2 hours and we were stuck in there!! And I already had to use the bathroom before it stopped and I had drank a big soda during the movie and when we sat there I had to pee more and more and after maybe 1Ĺ Hour I had to pee so bad I just had to pee no matter what and I tried opening the doors but it was impossible! And I asked my friends to help me but they didnít know what to do either. I tried to hold it but I had to pee so bad I couldnít wait and I just sat there and peed in my pants. And they promised me never to say to anyone but 1 girl told everyone so now EVERYONE knows!!!

Everyone think Iím a baby and gross and they say that to me all the time and do really really mean stuff to meÖ

I just donít know what to say and do? Please Help! What can I say to make everyone understand it wasnít my fault and maybe not to think Iím a baby and gross. No one has ever peed their pants since kindergarten so noone understand!!! I know I shouldnít be peeing my pants when Iím 13 and Iím really really ashamed of myself, honestly I am!! I can understand they think Iím a baby and gross!! But I just canít take the bullying any more it hurts too much, I just canít take it!!

/From a anonymous girl
PLEASE understand and even it everyone thinks Iím a baby and gross, please help me anyway and please try to understand that it wasnít my fault! I tried holding it but I had to pee so very bad that I just had to pee no matter what and I just couldnít help peeing in my pants, please understand!

Posts: 1 | From: Toronto | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You know, this is an issue that doesn't go away for plenty of people. After all, there are people of every age with bladder control issues -- now and then or chronically -- and situations like you're describing just plain happen sometimes. No one here is going to tease or think poorly of you: our bodies do embarrassing things sometimes we can't always control, and that's just the way it goes.

(I had to do what you did once in my car in my twenties when stuck on an overpass bridge in traffic for hours if that makes you feel any better.)

When people are being stupid about something like this, it doesn't usually help to make arguments in your defense, especially if a rise out of you is exactly what they're looking for. Usually, in time, this stuff passes: people who are preying on you now will find someone else to pick on for something new in time.

So, my own suggestion would be to be pretty disaffected about it. In other words, they say something about it, you roll your eyes, maybe even laugh and say "Yeah, I just love peeing on trains, so I couldn't help myself," or whatever, and walk away. You also might even comment that you think bullying people is something to be more embarrassed about and more juvenile, which I certainly think it is. After all, they are acting like babies, for real, and CAN control it and aren't choosing to.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 38122

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Hey. It sucks a lot that you're being bullied. I was bullied quite a bit in elementary school for something that, just like you, I couldn't control.

Like Heather says, it helps to have a sense of humour (or appear to) about what's happening or what people are saying. And, I know this sounds cliched, but seriously, ignoring it really helps. Of course, ignoring it doesn't mean pretending it's not happening. It's more like...ignore what they're saying and *then* go home and vent about it later. Having someone you can talk to always helps. For me, I always felt really loved by my family, and I had a few close friends that helped me see that what people were saying about me wasn't true and I made sure I remembered them when I was feeling bad about myself or ashamed. Writing it out helps too. I wrote a poem about shame awhile ago:

My reflectionís scared of me
And, some days
The shame, it pounds
It scalds my cheeks
Clutches my throat
And whispers in my earÖ

ĎNo-one wants to know
Youíre different, youíre strange
Not worthy, stay away! From ďnormalĒ
Youíll never

It binds my legs
And locks my tongue
My hands possessed, they shake
My lids are iron curtains
I cannot look, I cannot know
Donít turn me awayÖ

Writing it down means that you clear your head for a bit. The feelings don't go away completely but at least they're out they're and not locked up and they have a form, you're not just stewing over this shapeless thing.

Music also helps, songs that you can relate to but ones that also make you feel more positive. Here are the lyrics to a song called 'Shame':

What we learned here is love tastes bitter when it's gone
Past yourself forget the light, things look dirty when it's on
Funny how it comes to pass, that all the good slips away
And there's no one around you can remember being good to you

(Chorus 1)
Shame, shouldn't try you, couldn't step by you
And open up more
Shame, shame, shame

What we lost here is something better left alone
Second steps have been forgotten, will you tell me how they go
Set yourself, situate, like a fool try again
There's no one around you can remember being good, for you

(Chorus 2)
Shame, shouldn't try you, couldn't step by you
And open up more
Shame, shame, shame
Shame, shouldn't try you, couldn't step by you
And open up more
Shame, shame, shame

We never thought we'd get so troubled
We could never think that much
It should never get this bad

So let the wind blow ya, across a big floor
But there's no one around who can tell us what we're here for
Funny in a certain light, how we all look the same
And there's no one in life you can remember ever stood, for you, so
(Chorus 2)

Music kind of makes you feel less alone, and again, gives your feelings form. And positive songs are really really good for making you feel better about yourself.

I really hope you feel better soon. You sound like a really cool person who has more integrity than any of those idiots who are giving you a hard time.

Let your clarity define you...

Posts: 25 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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