So here is my story..I posted a while back saying that I am a lesbian and I have a wonderful girlfriend whom I love and cherish with everything I have in me. That is still very true.
The problem this time is that my mother is not accepting me AT ALL. I don't really expect her to ever, but she can at least be decent around me right? It is always a fight when I am around her. I am disregarded from her every move and her everyday life. I am forced to hide many things from her. First of all I have to lie about where I am going when I am going to see my girlfriend. Whenever I use my car or even get something out of the fridge she says that I do not deserve anything and that I am nothing and won't ever be anything. Also, I have kept things that my girlfriend has given me meaning just little things from places we have been to remind me of good times, especially during this bad time right now, they basically help me keep my sanity. It breaks my heart everyday to know that she doesn't love me enough to care even a little bit.
I am sorry this is long but I just need to vent and my friends are not helping me very much either and I have no where to turn to right now. I talk to my girlfriend but I don't want to put this stress on her b/c she's already worried about getting me out of this house safely. I am just so sick of hiding things. Today when I got home from work my room was torn apart and she found a shirt my girlfriend gave me with her name on the back and a note that says I Love You on it from my girlfriend. I am so afraid of what is going to happen when she comes home...I am sick of being treated this way and I do not knwo what to do. I am leaving for school in a few weeks so that will save me, but it is getting down to the wire and I am stressing about every little thing and I can't just be left alone. She hates me and does not care what happens to me, and I highly doubt she will ever care. I just can't take it. I'm struggling badly at this point.
Posts: 97 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2007
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Look forward to leaving soon, and try and be out of the house as much as possible, maybe stay with a friend for this last few weeks. I know its really really hard. She may come around when she sees that shes lost her daughter to her own hatred, or she may not. Your time away at school will help her figure out how she really feels and what she will do from then on. Maybe she will come to her senses, even apologize. Maybe not now, or maybe never, but while you are at school she will have some time to deal with her feelings.
If you can't get out try and fly as low under the radar as possible, don't do anything to make her mad, try to be the model daughter, or at least to become invisible.
I'm really really sorry that this is the situation you are put in and though i know it sucks now, know that when you finally deal with it emotionally you will learn an important lesson. I've been through some gruesome stuff with my mom and now that I'm dealing with it, I know that I've become a more tolerant and strong person with good self esteem and confidence in myself that I wouldn't have in the same way if so many of these sucky things hadn't happened.
Posts: 70 | From: Fullerton, CA, USA | Registered: Jul 2005
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