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Dear Middle School Guidance Councilor and Principles.
If adults are oh so wise and know exactly what I should be doing with my life, why did they:
Tell me to stop drawing? This was, and still is, a stress reliever.
Tell me that I'm terrible at math? I love math, especially Algebra. And if I wasn't so interested in language, I'd try my hand at computer programming.
Put me in a room with a potential murderer and tell us to 'talk it out'? Gun threats are serious. So why in the name of whatever deity you believe in... why did you treat me like a stupid child when I did as instructed? I reported a gun threat, and I get punished and potentially put in a position to be murdered? Thanks a lot.
Not take my harassment complaints seriously? Yes, other kids were teasing me about my religion. And when I reported it, you treated it like it was nothing. And when I complained about being sexually harassed?... Thanks a lot for doing nothing.
In short, I hope all of you were fired. Just because I'm a minor doesn't mean I'm stupid. And just because you're an adult doesn't give you any right to treat me like I don't know what I'm talking about.
I can't trust adults very easily anymore. I prefer to have my peers help me than turn to the guidance councilors at school, which would be a hell of a lot easier. But I'm worried she'll end up being like you.
Thanks a lot. -The little red headed girl who you treated like crap for two years.
Posts: 116 | From: SL | Registered: Mar 2010
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Devanie, I know what you mean. I reported someone for sexually harassment and they didn't do anything about it. All they did was talk with the guy about how he shouldn't do it! Not to mention the fact that other girls reported him for harassment before. He should have been expelled or at least suspended.
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To all the adults who take advantage of the nice, respectful, honest, good girl....
ALL OF YOU WHO TALK **** AND JUDGE ME FOR MY DECISIONS CAN ALL STFU! YOU PLACE EXPECTATIONS AND RESPONSIBILITIES ON ME THAT I FOR ONE, DON'T NEED!!! WHEN I MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS OR THINK HOW I WANT TO, YOU TELL ME IT'S WRONG! WELL YOU KNOW WHAT?! YOU'RE WRONG! THIS IS MY LIFE AND I'M GOING TO LIVE IT AS I SHALL DAMN PLEASE TO!
YOU CAN LEAVE IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY DECISIONS. YOU TALK ABOUT HOW YOU SAYING ALL THIS BULL TO ME IS OUT OF CONCERN, WELL YOUR CONCERN SUCKS! YOUR CONCERN IS NOT CARING FOR MY WELLBEING AT ALL! YOU'RE JUDGING ME AND TRYING TO MAKE ME LIVE YOUR LIFE! I'M A GROWN *** YOUNG WOMAN! SO LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! YOU'RE EITHER WITH ME OR AGAINST ME! YOU CHOOSE! I'M NOT GONNA BE NICE ABOUT THIS **** ANYMORE! I'M TIRED OF BEING RESPECTFUL TO YOU WHO'S NOT GIVING THE RESPECT BACK! BEFORE YOU TRY TO CONTROL MY LIFE, LEARN HOW TO CONTROL YOURS! STARTING NOW, I'M GOING TO HAVE CONTROL OF MY LIFE. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, **** OFF!!!
I AM A GOOD GIRL AND WILL STAY THAT WAY, NOT FOR YOU, BUT FOR ME. JUST BECAUSE YOU MAY HAVE ****** UP YOUR TEEN LIFE, DOESN'T MEAN THAT I'M GOING TO FOLLOW IN YOUR FOOTSTEPS, MOM. I'M A TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON, SO DON'T YOU DARE COMPARE ME TO YOU OR SOMEONE ELSE!!!!!! I'M SMARTER AND SEEK MORE KNOWLEDGE FOR THINGS I DON'T KNOW ABOUT. THINGS THAT YOU DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF DOING WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER! I'M RESPONSIBILE FOR ME AND MY WELLBEING. WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK I'M GONNA WALK INTO A SITUATION, NOT KNOWING WHAT THE HELL I'M GETTING INTO? I'M NOT GOING TO GO INTO TERRITORY I'M UNFAMILIAR WITH. THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE TO DO IN THE FIRST PLACE! I'M A THINKER, AND YES, THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I OVERTHINK THINGS BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?? IT'S GOTTEN ME REAL FAR! THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THINKING THINGS THROUGH! IF THERE WAS SOMETHING DAD TAUGHT ME, IT WAS TO ALWAYS THINK THINGS THROUGH BEFORE TAKING ACTION. THAT WAS DAD, MOM. NOT YOU! SO GO AHEAD, DO WHAT YOU MUST TO TRY AND STOP ME FROM DOING WHAT I BELIEVE IS RIGHT FOR ME. TAKE AWAY MY PHONE, GO ON AHEAD. YOU CAN SURE TRY TO STOP ME, BUT I AM NEVER GOING TO STOP TO REACH MY DESIRES AND MY GOALS. YOU CAN EITHER SUPPORT ME OR NOT. I WON'T BE ONE BIT HURT BY IT BECAUSE I'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE WITH YOU. I'VE GOT MANY OTHER PEOPLE WHO SUPPORT ME AND ONE LESS PERSON WOULDN'T HURT ONE BIT. I'M NOT AFRAID ANYMORE TO STAND UP FOR WHAT'S RIGHT FOR ME. SO GO AHEAD, TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT.....
-------------------- Life's a gift full of sweets, bitterness, and everything in between, so just accept it! ^_^ Posts: 55 | From: US | Registered: Nov 2009
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You know what? Mom? Dad? All you say is ,"Dont try anything. We know EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU". Ha. I hVe some news for you. I I am a lesbian. Yeah on of those "horrible AIDS filled creatures" that prey upon anything that moves and doesn't have a penis. I have a mental illness. Glad you noticed the cuts on my arms and legs dangsrously close to major veins. Thanks.
And I am an atheist. STOP TRYING TO SHOVE YOUR BELIFS DOWN MY THROAT!!! I am perfectly capible of forming my own educated opinion on subjects I feel strongly about. Just beacyse i am not a bitter old *censor* like you it doesnt mean that i am compleatly incapible of having intelligent conversations about "adult" issues. And you can't controll everything I do either!! Not my friends or my mind (no matter how hard you try) or even my LIFE!!!
How dare you yell at me for not areeing with you. How dare you scream at me infront of people because I corrected you when you sound like a hick saying "deers" in stead of "deer". And I am not sorry for ANYTHNG I have said to you. I just bs my way through half of our conversations. Carefully tiptoeing around so I don't get a punishment. And the 2 by 4 you call a padle? That is a BOARD!! And feels like one to. I did NOTHING to desevre that.
And do not talk about my friends in a direspecful mannor!! My friends are THE best friends someone could have.
-------------------- I say you love who you love. Lust over who you lust over. And are happy with who you are happy with. Everything inbetween doesn't matter!!! Posts: 29 | From: United States of America | Registered: Jul 2010
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Thanks so much for this, I got to really deal with some stuff once I got thinking.
I'm sometimes disgusted by you. I just close my eyes and listen to the things you say. You think you're "modern" and "tolerant", and somehow you manage to also add that you don't believe it's possible for someone to be bisexual. How is that not possible? What, so you're saying in order for a person's sexuality to be valid, they have to "choose" between one or the other? You've told me before that you thank God sometimes that my brother and I aren't gay. What? What if I was gay, mom? What would you say? Would you even believe me "capable", or do you think I'm too "good" and "wholesome" to be gay? And since when am I good and wholesome, anyway? Do you even notice what I'm saying half the time? Do you even listen to me at all? You block out what you don't like, replace with "no" with "yes". You think you're a feminist because sexism and injustice in the workplace pisses you off. But it only pisses you off because it's happening to you; you wouldn't give a shit otherwise.
You also seem, mother, to have just realized I'm an autonomous individual, that I'm no longer connected to you by umbilical cord. And I know you don't like it. When I was out of state for a week without you, only with my friends and people my own age, I realized how shallow and dull your world is. I realized that I like danger, I like messing up and getting lost and talking to people I don't know. All you concern yourself with is money, and yet you still manage to let dad blow it all on shit we don't need, while none of our windows can open and the pipes are leaking and we need a new god damn lock on the front door. You worry and worry helplessly, needlessly, and allow him to spoil my brother with presents he doesn't need, allow him to spoil my brother and make him hungry for more things. You fill my head with empty promises, and I'm stuck being the adult, because you are not a mother. You pretend to be one, you take up the mantle when it's convenient and enjoyable for you, but you do not mother us. I am the one, always the one, who brings semblance and order; we orbit around you because you're charismatic and fun, but I am always the one picking up other people's mess. I am always the one taking the initiative and making decisions for this family, and yet you still find the gaul to patronize me and look down on me. When I get angry or feel hurt you always write it off as "teenage angst", the intensity is brought on by hormones, you think.
You think you can play it both ways, you think you can hand the responsibility and the hard stuff to me, be my friend, my pal, my confidante. But I don't tell you anything anymore; you think we're best friends, that I look up to you. But you know nothing about my life or what I'm becoming, who I'm becoming. If you want to exert authority over me, then fix the god damn telephone so I don't get cancer from using my cell all the time. If you think you can tell me what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling, fix the locks. But I must admit that even then you won't have control over me, because my mind is my own, and I feel this power, this righteousness inside me. And you can't take that away.
You claim to be "friends" with me, to be close to me, to "trust" me. Trust. What do you know about that? I've trusted you so many times, put myself in your hands, closed my eyes, let go. And when have you ever trusted me? What did I do to make you think that I'm going to do drugs at the first opportunity, have sex at the first opportunity. I've never gotten out of line, I've always been "good". But I'm not allowed to bring my boyfriend upstairs. Me: "So you don't think I should be able to have in my bedroom because you think we'll have sex? Do you seriously think that?" We had been dating for two months, mom, and he hadn't kissed me yet. You: "It's just not right, a boyfriend should not be alone with his girlfriend in her bedroom." Me: "So you don't trust me at all." You: "I trust you." Me: "Then what is it? Do you think that when we get into my room I'll shut the door and suddenly, spontaneously lose control of my arms, legs, and vocal cords? And he'll quietly and quickly rape me on my bedroom floor? Is that what you think will happen?" You: "No." Mom, you are a liar. It's simple, that's what you are. You are delusional, and I think you feel guilty for having sex with dad before you two were married, so you've decided to dump all this shit on me, decided to see me as a stupid, mindless, dirty sixteen year old. Because you believe I am like you. The kicker is you weren't any of those things, you just thought you were. But you've decided to pretend I'm a miniature version of you, even though I'm smarter and tougher. Even though I HATE so many of your decisions, even though I would have taken my life in a completely different direction.
I'm not done.
I have decided never to tell you anything important about my sex life or romantic relationships. Sure, I'll tell you if my boyfriend pisses me off. But you will never know when I start having sex, you will never know anything like that. Maybe I would have been more open with you if you hadn't treated me like a helpless **** toy everyone wants to get their hands on and cocks into. Since when am I an object? That's what you believe I am, an object that has no mind or conscious thought, you think all I do is jabber mindlessly and let men do whatever they want. Don't my good grades and common sense say otherwise? Guess not. Don't my decisions and words speak for themselves? Guess not. You will never know how intensely I hate you for being a prude. You act all surprised and scandalized when you see people having sex in a movie, you try to fast forward because you think I'm uncomfortable, but you're the only uncomfortable one in the room. Guess what mom, we had the conversation that covered this when I was eight years old, and I've gotten more in-depth information since then. I watch porn, in fact. Yeah, I watch porn, so this scene is nothing surprising, in fact, I've seen things much more hardcore than this. Oh, and I masturbate! All the time! And I fantasize about a man who's fifteen years older than me, because he's sexy and he likes me. And a few days ago I almost did something with him, but I decided not to because I wasn't comfortable. How's that for being mindless?
I don't care what you say about what I should and shouldn't do. Oh, don't get me wrong, your opinions matter, because they make me mad. They just don't change my decisions whatsoever.
Sorry to disappoint, but there are some things I will never tell you about. To all the adults in my life that think they know me: there are some things about me I will never tell you, things that would shock or scandalize you, things that would shame or scare you. Because I know it scares you all to think that I'm a whole person with a sex drive and desires. I know it scares you to think of men wanting me, partly because you're all so goddamned old you can hardly relate to that anymore, and partly because you all still think of me as a baby girl. I'm not little anymore. You know the funny thing? I don't want to be you all. I don't want to be an adult yet, I like being who I am. I enjoy being a teenager, being young, being new to the world. What I don't enjoy is your self-righteous, pretentious attitudes toward people like me. Write me off if you want, but you'll never really know me, never get close to me, never truly earn all the love I have to offer, if you pretend that half of me doesn't exist. What will be there instead, is hate. Hate.
Posts: 10 | From: Illinois, USA | Registered: Jun 2010
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silvertabby13, it's not as if older adults can't relate to being sexually desired, not everyone on the planet has an obsession with youth that stops them from being sexually attracted to anyone who isn't in their teens.
I looked at an adult privilege checklist written from the point of view of a child which listed, as it rightly should "I am not usually given a choice about which religion to follow." This actually isn't good enough for starters as it should also mention not being given a choice about whether to follow a religion at all, but when I looked in the comments thread there was someone saying "the religion thing is so controversial I'm trying not to think about it too hard."
Um, it doesn't MATTER if it's controversial, it remains a fact that legal minors have a right to freedom from and of religion just like anyone else.
It was also lovely to see everyone defending child rapist Roman Polanski who, poor guy, has SUFFERED TERRIBLY living freely in europe in luxury hotels and expensive houses/flats since he fled all those EEVIIIL american frigid feminist pigs who actually think drugging and raping 13 year olds is a violation of their rights. (I am well aware that there are a lot of americans who defended him and a lot of individuals from other countries that condemned his behaviour, I'm just talking about the way the case was presented in the media).
Oh, and I'm still getting over my sexual shame, so thanks a bunch adults!
-------------------- Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see. Posts: 819 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2008
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I just spent the past week with my 83-year-old grandparents. My stereotypical old, white, racist, sexist, self-righteous, anti-Semitic, radical conservative grandparents.
The first night at dinner my grandpa somehow lured me into discussing Obama's healthcare plan. Mind you I was just talking about my decision to study biomedical research versus medicine in college next year. But this is what my grandfather does. He started making all these laughably ridiculous claims (regurgitated straight from Rush Limbaugh's afternoon program) about how by this October Obama will have instated "death panels," cut doctors' and researchers' salaries so low that they and their families will go hungry, etc. Anytime I said anything against those wild accusations, he argued that I was too young, ignorant, and lacked any experience on which to base my opinions. The irony here is that, contrary to his belief, I am not a radical liberal, and for the most part, I haven't really formed an opinion on the direction of our country's healthcare, other than that it needs to change.
He went on to inform me how young people having an opinion is a luxury afforded to those living in a generation free of worry, and how I only have an opinion because I have never had to experience adversity in my life. True, I did not survive the Depression like my grandmother, nor did I serve in a World War like he did. But this generation has been anything but carefree. Through my personal experience, I have learned a lot about the darkness of human nature, and what genuinely terrible things of which individuals are capable. I've also learned that there are good, altruistic people out there. Most importantly though, I've begun to develop my own sense of morality. As a natural consequence of morality, I have both a logical and an emotional conception of what is right and wrong in the world, and also the tricky grey areas in between. And the application of this to any number of issues constitutes my opinion. True, it is inevitable that I (and anyone else, regardless of age) will encounter experiences throughout my life that either serve to enforce or shape that moral code, and thus my opinions. But that doesn't automatically invalidate those that I have at any given time. It just means that up until the present, I have had /different/ experiences, not fewer, not of lesser value, than anyone else. I, as any other academic, view my opinions as subject to change, and my morals to development.
So to say that I, as an 18-year-old, am not entitled to an opinion on anything of consequence is to say that one is incapable of forming a personal system of morals by the age of majority. I hope for the sake of the world that this generation has morals. And for the sake of my country that its voters do.
So no, Grandma and Grandpa, it is not okay to call the president or anyone else a nigger. Belonging to your generation does not entitle you to resist change, as is often the excuse for that sort of intolerance. No, it is not okay to insinuate that I'm asking to get raped if I wear a tank top in public just because I've got big boobs. Those attitudes were accepted once upon a time, but there's a reason they changed. There's no reason why you can't at the very least adapt.
Posts: 96 | From: USA | Registered: Jan 2010
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The one that pisses me off the most? Condescension. Especially from adults whom either aren't as smart, as knowledgeable, or simply as savvy/practical as myself. Although I've generally acted pretty stereo typically appropriate for my age through out the years, at the same time, I've always had a double helping of common sense, and the ability to display maturity and levelheadedness on the rare occasion it was needed. Plus, I'm just smarter than a lot of people I know (and dumber than a lot of people I know, but all of the smarter people seem to be pretty polite about their superior intellect, funny how that works).
Yet despite this, I have had more than my fair share of crap from people who didn't have enough common sense to fill a soda can.
1) People who haven't liked the way I talk, my manners, the way I dress, etc. Not all of them have been adults sure, but adults are a hell of a lot more annoying about it. Generally I've been treated like I didn't know how to do any of those things. Thank you very much, but I can dress appropriately to the occasion if I care to, be polite if I want, show respect if I think it's actually deserved, and ******* swear exactly when and where I please. None of these things have been in the slightest beyond my control for years.
2)People who just ignore whatever you say or do like you aren't even there. I've gotten a veritable shit storm of this doing volunteer work for the county. There are scads of groups, committees, and organizations who, 'want input from the youth in our community', but when you actually show up, and give them a piece of your mind? They just hand you some snacks and totter on their marry way completely disregarding your ideas and continuing their brainless nonsense. (Ever wonder why the government wastes so much money? I've literally seen plans to spend thousands in my town go through when everyone with half a brain under 40 knew it was doomed to fail, and even said so.) It's frustrating, and stupid. PS. The the case in which large amounts of money was wasted was a project to improve the community, the intended purpose was to provide resources for the youth. Well, the youth show up, listed what they wanted, and didn't get it.
3)Adults look down on me because of my lack of 'schooling'. This isn't limited to people whom are my superior in decrepit-ness, but it's most often found in older people, who are stuck living in the past, to some extent or another. I'm an unschooler, I never went to school of any kind until college, I just slacked off age 1-17. Now I'm going to college, and it's working out brilliantly for me, yet have had hordes of people through out the years look down on me for this. Mostly adults, either ones who thought I was mislead by my parents, and didn't know what I was on about, or ones who had it stuck in their heads that the traditional school system was the only way to do things. I've had a similar response from some people only a few years older than me. My (least)favorite was "Oh, you had to be homeschooled? My parents were going to homeschool me, but they said I was too smart not to go to school!"
No offense to anyone who has been to school, but you really missed out for those 12 years. Army men and D&D beats school any-day.
Despite all this, I've run into some pretty great adults when it comes to respecting people younger than them, and the good ones do seem to come in all age brackets. The two personality traits they seem to share are open-mindedness, and excitement for the future.
PS. It felt nice to get that rant out. I would like to add, that despite my ranting, I never really had a problem with adults much. Mostly I think because I never bothered to give a shit what they though if they weren't willing to do the same for me.
I suppose the worst thing ageism in our society has done from my point of view, is caused me to look down on adults. I, with exceptions, feel that many of them are my inferiors. I hope I don't inspire similar feelings in the youth of future generations.
-------------------- Chin up and face the future, wonders beyond your wildest dreams await us! Posts: 47 | From: Crescent city, CA. | Registered: Jul 2009
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Ah I'm so glad I took a look at this thread. I'm also glad someone has posted in here relatively recently since this thread is old. I'm so going to enjoy this thread.
To my mother, yes I know you love me. I know you try hard. I know that you speak to me out of love and concern. I also know that my grandmother, your mother, whom I love and adore and hope is kicking back in heaven with a drink and some pie, was crazy. I've done plenty of research on mental illness, both out of curiosity and a love of the mind and medicine, as well as to help myself. My aunt is bipolar and I'd be willing to bet that mom-mom had, and that you and I have a mild version, since both of us are entirely too emotional to be normal. I'm sorry, even I can tell when I'm being completely ridiculous in how I'm feeling and reacting, can you?
I know your life raising my twin sister and I was hard. I know you wish you could go back and tell yourself that it's possible and wise to keep going to school while taking care of us. I remember some of the hardships, and not realizing until I was older that we weren't having dinner at someone's house for fun, but because you didn't have any money for food. I know you've been working hard and that you're still working hard. I know you don't want me to suffer the same way you did, and that's why I'm being careful. But you know what? you don't have to nag me. As a matter of fact, I'm more likely to clean for one of my friends than for you. Wanna know why? Cuz it's not a chore over there. I'm not nagged there, I'm thanked there and told I don't have to. I don't hear the same old ancient complaint that "i have a job and work all day."
So what if you have a job? It's not my fault people won't hire me because they don't believe I can work hard. And you know what? how about you stop telling me school is my job, then complaining about yours? It is just as stressful, if not more so, than your work. You sit at a desk all day, sure you deal with people who ask or do really dumb things, but you can at least leave work and relax. I do the same thing and then have to worry about homework, projects, and that cruel child at school who destroyed my self-esteem in high school. The same one who told his mom I was stalking him, the same one you yelled at me about. Oh, and btw, quit saying all the other unnecessary bs you always say. Just say what you need to get your point across, don't add in all the other hurtful and infuriating things that don't have anything to do with the topic at hand. I can't imagine God wants you telling me that He'll take away anything in His place, permanently, implying Him to be a very petty deity indeed. Don't tell me you hope my boyfriend is worth my soul, because I don't want to give him up for the people (who you admit are wrong) who want me to break up with him before they'll baptize me to fit their opinion. Thanks for bringing up the fact repeatedly that I'm headed to hell because I'm not a baptized Christian yet, but you know what, maybe if you advocated for me, and the other people who come in with an open heart and a romantic relationship who are forced to break up before they're allowed to be baptized, we wouldn't be having this problem.
Actually, we wouldn't be having this problem if you quit letting your paranoia drive you to pester, nag, and then progress into emotionally abusive pushes to get me to be on top of my bible studies. Maybe I'd be willing to stay on top of things if I didn't feel like I'd either get drilled about "what I learned/figured out" or otherwise have the fun time learning about God and the bible ruined. We wouldn't be having this problem if you had just calmly explained to me why porn is wrong and just let it go, instead of exploding at me and forcing me to find someone in church to study with. I wasn't ready and concerned with studying then, and I've done it three times at this point. When I was ready to get dunked in the water, our fellow parishioners refused me for having a boyfriend. One I had barely started kissing at that point. And you wonder why I ignore you all now? Why i don't seem "concerned enough"? Why I'm not "taking this seriously?" oh, I must not believe I'm going to hell if this is how I'm acting! Yeah, maybe it's because all the adults around me are mixing too much of their opinions in with what God actually says. Maybe you should know that I actually care A WHOLE F-ING LOT that I'm being prevented from my salvation.
You know what else? I have sex with my boyfriend now. I enjoy it. Not because my hormones and emotions are "controlling" me or I'm letting them run too much of my behavior, but because I actually love my boyfriend and enjoy making love to him and because he loves me and enjoys making love to me. Maybe it's because you actually taught me really well what is involved in such a relationship, why the Bible is correct in saying it is wise to be married first, and I understand all that. And you know what? I'm being a whole hell of a lot smarter about my sexuality than you or my father were. You have twins, he has six other kids, whom I love and cherish and would never wish away. I think I have plenty of examples of why I should be careful in how I handle this highly special matter. You don't have to like it, I never expected you to, but you know what I'M the one who started our physical relationship, not him. It was after very careful and intense consideration, both of the values I was raised with and adhere to as well as the boy I am happily and contentedly sharing my body with. He has never done anything to push me or disrespect me in any way. I am not "consumed" with him, he is my significant other and I don't live with him, hence the reason I love talking to him. Yeah you don't "talk to your husband as much?" who's fault is that? not mine, besides, you go home to my dear stepfather every damn day. every single one. leave me alone.
Also, don't call me foolish, don't call him foolish, don't say how much you love him and care about him and then go and tell me that he is untrustworthy. And I don't care if you think I'll be with him for the rest of my life. For all you know God has a perfect plan for our lives, that include a better marriage than yours, and between one and three kids. For all you know he'll be a successful graphic designer, and we'll both be published authors. Don't ridicule my relationship, don't ridicule my decisions, don't imply that my love is shallow or immature or that I don't know what I'm doing. Besides, how can you know except to learn? At least I can communicate with my boyfriend, at least he cleans, at least he takes stock of what I ask and why I ask it. At least he is willing to stop playing a game for two seconds and pay attention to me when I ask him. Better than your husband. My bf has his flaws for sure, for instance, he has a difficult time expressing his anger and therefore abuses inanimate objects, but he's never laid a hand on me, he always respects me and he's respectful to you too, even though he knows the bs you say to me and say about him. And you know what, I know that somethings don't come out until you live with a person and are married, but telling me about two of our family members being abused by their husbands as an example? I'm pretty sure that's way extreme and completely and utterly unnecessary.
Oh, and while we're on the subject of respect for my feelings, let's jump back to high school. Oh how lovely that load of bricks were. Man, I really hate my school you know that? I'm so glad I went there because I have friends whom I love and who love me, but none of us came away from there completely healthy. Besides the fact that school was intense, which you readily admitted, I got depressed in the middle of it. Why? because of my ex, who is a coward and a victim, who is codependent and manipulative. Yeah, I got sucked into it and we both massively screwed up, but did you make it better? no, your overemotional reaction and tendency to say way more than you need to get your point across, things that are rarely helpful, useful, or encouraging, got in the way. I lost my self-esteem, I lost my drive for school and never fully recovered it. Did you believe I was depressed? no, for the same reason anyone with depression is ignored, cuz I was good at hiding it and because I could still have some fun. Yes, the capacity to be happy doesn't actually disappear when you're depressed! Go figure! Oh, and having suicidal thoughts because of depression and low self-esteem doesn't actually make any commentary on your ability to be a good mother. So, that time, the one and only time, where I was brave enough in the therapist's office to tell you about it, you didn't have to go off on me as soon as we LEFT about how i was being ridiculous and if I was feeling that lousy then I should stop being lazy and change what I was feeling badly about (fyi, it's REALLY hard to make even positive changes that are greatly desired if a person is depressed. you can't think your way out of it, that's what therapy is for, and why it takes a while to work). Yeah, thanks for helping with that one. That's also why I didn't tell you about the intense suicidal feelings I had when I was at the far away college and why I didn't tell you sooner that I wanted to come home. Your reaction to things is just too unpredictable, and even if I can predict what your general reaction might be, specifics and how intense it'll be is always up for grabs.
So, my mother, who I sincerely love and value. Shut up. I know what I do wrong, I know I don't know everything, I am not, do not and never have thought of you as being stupid, slow, or the village idiot. I know you have more experience. I know you've been a teenager before. I know I'm still and always will be your child. I wouldn't change that either. But you know what? I am capable of and do make smart decisions, like finding a way to get condoms with no help from you whatsoever. Like picking a damn good person to share my virginity with. Your smart-*** comment that I can't possibly be his first sexual partner meant nothing to me, because he was honest enough with me to tell me that. Even though he was terrified of my reaction, even though it was several months before our physical relationship started, even though one of those partners was a mutual friend (who had a boyfriend at the time, one that was also a mutual friend), he still told me. I already knew long long before that infuriating and insulting conversation about sex that we had. I am not trying to play games, pull the wool over your eyes, get over on you, or otherwise manipulate you. I just don't find it worth my sanity, even though I hate lying to you and it's really annoying trying to circumvent you, to try and explain something to you that goes against what you believe to be best or right.
And please, get used to the idea that I'm growing up. Please get used to the idea that I'm asserting my adulthood. Please get used to the idea that I'm going to make my own decisions, regardless of whether you like them or not. It's not like I stepped into any of this lightly. Please also give me and my relationship the respect it deserves, allow me the ability to talk to you freely about where I'm going and what I'm doing. And about who or what is entering my body. The relationship I have with my boyfriend is not immature, it has depth, love, mutual respect, and boundaries. It has excellent communication and commitment. Nothing about it is based purely on hormones or emotions, there is rationality in it, and intelligent decisions. I am not in the clouds or lacking wisdom in how I am handling it. I'm sure I'll make mistakes, but I'd make a mistake in any relationship. Sex was not one of them. Please, please, please, I want to be able to have an open and honest relationship with you. I also want to have a deeper relationship with my boyfriend. I want the freedoms that come with the responsibilities. You can't keep them from me, I will claim them regardless.
To all adults who do this, quit only calling us adults when you want us to do something. Oh, that is something that I despise from the depths of my being. Those of us over 18 get: "you're an adult now, start thinking/acting/planning like one." "be responsible, you're an adult now." "you're an adult, quit asking me things." but we only get that last one for something THEY don't care about or don't mind. If it's something they don't like or agree with, or if they don't want us asserting ourselves as adults, we're children again and being disrespectful. Stop with the double-standard!! And you wonder why we ignore you, argue with you, blow you off, lie to you, and sneak around. It's because there's no point in talking with you if your opinion is the only one that really matters!
Now, on to my stepfather. Please, for the love of all things beautiful and holy, shut your trap! I am so sick and tired of your arrogant, ignorant, selfish personality. I am tired of you talking down to me and telling me all about how "stupid" I'm being in your attempt to "keep it real" and not "sugarcoat" things. There's a massive, chasm-sized difference between being "real," "blunt," and "straightforward," and just being downright mean. You are mean. You lack compassion You don't say encouraging things to me, though to another adult it may sound like it. You've told my boyfriend you don't believe in me and think that I'm just lazy and trying to "get over" but that you're not falling for it. That my mother is just too sentimental and is unable to be appropriately hard on us, so you're gonna do that for her. How could you say something like that, to my boyfriend no less? It's a good thing I have friends who believe in me, that their encouragement is real and genuine, that they are willing to step up and push me forward even when I'm reluctant. and thank God that they can be calm and see the options when my brain is too swamped with depression and negative emotions to see anyway out. Maybe my brain would be a little different if you were more like my biological father. He has the ability to be calm, blunt and COMPASSIONATE. You must've missed that class. Oh, and telling me how you work all day, yeah, I already went through that one, newsflash, my life isn't one big dance through the meadows singing songs with my animal friends. You'd know that if you could pull your head out of your messed up childhood and stop comparing me and my boyfriend to yourself. Just because you and your screwed up friends were terrible boyfriends at my age doesn't make all boys the same as you, so I would kindly appreciate if you would stop talking to me and my boyfriend like he's some sort of demon.
Your insulting comments at our little "family meeting" about sex basically made me shut my ears to any chance of negotiating about my sex life. Insinuating that I'm foolish for trusting that my boyfriend isn't cheating on me, as though all young men are nymphos with no capacity to commit, is a bad move if you want me to talk to you. And blowing me off when I tell you that he is not cheating on me and never would since he has been cheated on multiple times in his past relationships as though it means nothing will prompt me to never tell you anything. Since you obviously have no concern for the true state of my emotional well-being, only what your opinions about everything, including that well-being, are, there's no point in listening to anything you have to say. Very few things you say to me are valid, because you refuse to drop your own way of viewing the world and taking in my unique perspective or even fully and thoroughly listening to what I have to say. You don't actually care what I have to say, you already have everything "figured out" and you're not gonna "be fooled" whatever that means.
Btw, I didn't know that I wasn't in the real world. I didn't know that the hardships, both emotional and mental, that teenagers go through were neither real nor valid. I didn't know that just because my life wasn't as steeped in hardships, poverty or foolishness as yours that my life was a peachy box of roses and that all my complaints were null and void because they're not as "bad" as yours were. I didn't realize that being in a better situation meant that I have no "real" reason to be depressed or upset. I didn't know that not having any "real" responsibilities meant I was in a world of butterflies and bliss. If only that were true. Stop telling me, when you get in the real world things are different. Stop rationalizing your uncompassionate, mean, emotionally abusive way of thinking and talking as your way of trying to "prepare" me for the "real world."
One last thing oh stepfather of mine, get off your lazy, selfish, inconsiderate *** and help my mother for once! All your complaining about how you want a clean house, but you barely lift a finger to help. Instead, you play your stupid game all the time, hogging the tv for your shows and your game. Then you yell at me and my sister for being lazy and how we need to clean and you irritate us with your "you missed this, missed that" way of talking to us as you sit around and play your game! you tell us to take our crap upstairs, but we're the ones constantly moving your stuff and stepping on the little pieces you leave around from your job. Always talking about how you work all day and pay bills and therefore have the right to hog the tv or whatever you feel like doing. Even though your wife works harder than you and has two jobs. Even though she's also going to school at the same time. Even though she's helping her daughters go to school. Even though you don't help any of us with school or money or encourage us. Even though you like to keep your own things. Even though you blame me and my sister if anything is wrong or missing, though we rarely touch your things. Despite the fact that you often make us feel angry for choosing something or your "compliments" are really "stop being x,y,z cuz you're not fooling me and you're not trying hard enough" or just generally dismissive of us. But can you at least get up and actually do some REAL work to help keep your abode clean? and you wonder why we don't come home that often anymore, but instead stay at our grandmother's. I want you to shut your arrogant trap the most. I can deal with my mother, I have been for my whole life, but you have the privilege of being a part of our family, not the right, you've only been in it for seven paltry years. Treat us like we're the gift you've always wanted, stop complaining about living in a house of girls. Show us that you actually care about us, about our feelings and opinions. LISTEN to us, my mother included. Stop making up your mind about how something is before truly listening, expand your mind to accept another person's individual perspective and interpretation. You are superior to no one. ----------------------- That felt good. Now if only I could show them this, maybe all the adults we write about should see this thread. Not just to read ours, but to read all of them. To see how they really make us feel. To see what they do to us with their behavior. I'm sure the first thing they'd notice is the intense, angry, not-necessarily-respectful tone, but perhaps they'd see the meaning. I think they need to know how angry we are with them. Maybe they'd understand why we act in certain ways, why we're much more prone to talk to our friends than them. Maybe, it would help them change to help us. I doubt it for most adults, they're very defensive individuals, I know adults who would use this thread against us. Who would try and oppress us more with this. It shouldn't be so hard to express ourselves and receive fair treatment. All we ever get is the whole "life isn't fair" and "well I'm the adult, so I'm right" bit. It shouldn't be so hard to get our opinions to matter. We're people too, with legitimate thoughts, feelings, opinions. Our minds and experiences, our thoughts, feelings, and opinions, are just as valid and valuable, true and legitimate as yours. We're not any less able to be intelligent, reasonable, rational, loving, committed, wise, or profound just because we're young. Being non-adults doesn't make us any less worthwhile of time, attention, and respect. You demand respect from us, but refuse to give it back, then wonder why we make every effort, both reasonable and unreasonable, to separate ourselves from you.
Sorry this was so long guys. I encourage more people to post here, setting all this out is a great way to clear it from your mind!
Posts: 94 | From: Pennsylvania, USA | Registered: Aug 2010
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Yeah...I just found this board, and I really need to vent, so...here goes.
Dear Father. I'm not going to call you dad. Dad is the person who loves me and my brother and my mom. Dad is that person way back when I was a kid who took me fishing, and my friends fishing, and laughed with me.
Dad isn't this man I don't recognize anymore. Just so you know, I recognize the instinctive ducking across the computer screen and clicking to another tab when a person goes past. I recognize it cause I go on these forums to scream about you! and I don't want mom to see because she still wants to keep me and brother innocent! I was not ducking across the screen to hide a dating website. And even if I was, I'M NOT MARRIED!! You took the vows, you had the kids. Now act like it! I hate going to type in "powerpets" in the address bar and "plentyoffish" comes up instead. I suppose you like the notion of fish, don't you? Sort of ironic. Jerk.
Also, you have TWO children. That boy that is so much like you that the two of you will kill each other if you're left alone? HE CAME FROM YOU!!!! HE IS YOUR SON!!!!! I feel like **** when you have me come along to go to walmart or for sodas or whatever, and you know that boy will go, but you just don't like him. You ignore him, and when you aren't ignoring him, you're trying to beat the stuffing out of him. THAT BOY IS 16!!!!!! And he's mentally around 12, he's mentally ill, it's called ASPERGER'S, if you would get your head out of the sand and pay attention to the counselor, you might be able to get along with him. If you don't want to, just go meet up with one of those women from the computer. You tried to do it before. I was ten! TEN!! When you were talking to a woman on the computer. I wanted to go tell mom, but I was naive. My daddy wouldn't do something like that! He and my mommy were in love and they always would be. Then mom started saying things about pictures she'd found on your computer when she didn't think I was around. Then she got a call at work and dragged me to granny's so her and you could have a talk. I knew what it was the instant she came to get me from the couch. I think it might have been the steam coming out of her ears. Or the tears in her eyes. Either/or, y'know? Then I heard her telling a co-worker the full story the next day. HER GAY EX-HUSBAND CALLED HER TO TELL HER!!!!!!! WTF?? You have GOT to be kidding me. That is total bull. You are horrible. I want to be able to hear Taylor Swift singing Should've Said No without wondering what my mom thinks when she hears it, or what you think. But you're so tied up in yourself, you don't even realize. I want to go back to before I was doing homework on your computer and got an IM from a woman saying that "You must be in your soft warm bed. Sorry I missed you. Sorry I'm not in your soft warm bed with you."
And guess what? Heh. I finally figured out I'm a lesbian. I've been confused for the past four years or so...not that you would notice. So I'm not the good kid after all. I'm not the predictable girl who does everything she's told, not because she wants to, but because she's scared of what will happen if she doesn't. And you know the best thing about figuring that out? I've finally gotten over my biggest fear about having a significant other-the idea that I might end up with someone like you.
PS-I will figure out what I'm doing with my life. Quit asking me every other day if I've heard anything from that place I applied at. And quit asking places if I can apply. I get it. You want me gone. I'm a huge financial burden. But don't worry. I would rather run away than deal with you much longer. Getting me my cat was the best decision you made-she's the only thing keeping me from being gone.
Dear mom. I love you. I really do. But I don't agree with so much that you say. I get that you have stress. But so do I! Why can't you understand this? Don't ignore or dismiss my stress because it isn't your stress. You're my mom! I want support. More than that, I just want a lap to curl up on and a shoulder to cry on and a mouth that doesn't say anything other than "ok." I don't want it to talk about understanding, or counselors. And when I cry from frustration or anger, don't yell at me for whining! When I have major emotional stuff, I cry. I'm crying right now. It doesn't mean I want to cry. I honestly don't cry just to make you angry. And I'd rather if it didn't make you angry...I can't switch off my emotions like a light, although I wish I could.
And my biggest peeve...adults don't deserve respect because they're adults. Adults need to earn respect, the same as everyone else. I always want to sit and question you about this, though. I always want you to tell me if Anne Frank's mother whispered to her in the Secret Annex, and told her that even if she didn't agree with what Hitler was doing, she had to respect him, because he was older than her. It's an extreme example, but Hitler was an adult also. What about for us, now? Should I respect Suddam Hussein? He's an adult. And I can't, because you'll yell at me for having an attitude. Remember those charming days when I was a kid, and I disagreed with you? And you thought it was wonderful, that I had my own opinion. Funny. Starts to sound an awful lot like a dictatorship, doesn't it? Have any opinion you want, but don't let it disagree with mine.
I want to set up a Children's Court. Adults are allowed to plead their case before a jury. A killer can have a lawyer and a jury of his peers, because of our wonderful Constitution. But when my brother thumps me on the head forty times, and I reach up, grab his wrist, and twist it, "Leave your brother alone! Go to your room!" "He was..." "I don't care!" "I ignored it for half an hour!" "I DON'T CARE!" Can I just declare families unconstitutional? Cause really, they seem like more trouble than they're worth.
Just... adults in general... give us a chance. We aren't complete idiots. We have opinions, we have thoughts and hopes and dreams. And you do your best to kill those before they can become a problem. We go to our friends because they listen. They sympathize. Try it sometime, and not patronizingly. Right now, I'm worried about how my family will pay rent. I'm worried that I won't get a job somewhere I like, and that I'll be stuck at a Burger King or Little Caesars. I'm worried that my father and brother are going to kill each other, and that my brother won't make it to his 18th birthday. I'm worried that we'll have to put my brother in a home, and I'm worried because I would be happy, and I'm worried because I would be sad. I'm worried that my life is going nowhere, and that I won't make it. And I'm worried that my parents will freak if I tell them I like girls. Now...adults...tell me my worries don't matter...that they aren't valid...replace the word brother with son, and father with husband, and my worries are just as valid as any adult. But because I'm younger, they don't matter.
Someday I want to use those same replies back. If you tell me it's not fair to not share my books, then "life isn't fair" in an angry tone. If you dare to disagree with something I said, "Quit speaking to me in that tone!" or "You don't need that attitude with me!" And then I come to my senses and realize how much trouble I'd get into, and how the adults I know would yell and scream at this upsetting of the proper hierarchy, and I give up. The posters over there, with an angry face and the words "RESISTANCE IS FUTILE" on them don't belong to the dictators...there's a gang of adults putting them up on the lightposts.
______________________
you were right. That felt really good. And my problem now is I want to give the link to the adults I know...but you're right...they'd use it against us. Obviously we can't control our emotions, therefore we can't be treated with respect.
Posts: 173 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2010
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Kawani3792, I sympathise with your situation, but could you please not claim that aspergers syndrome is a mental illness, because it isn't, there's a difference between being neuroatypical and having mental health issues (neither of which is bad, but they aren't the same). I have aspergers BTW.
-------------------- Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see. Posts: 819 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2008
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Jill- I'm sorry about that...I was just on a bit of a rant...I do know the difference, I've gone through a half-dozen books trying to understand my brother, so yes, I see your point. I was just having some issues and didn't want to go into my parents' room for the books to find the specific term, because if I get emotional, my nose lights up like Rudolph and my face turns a lovely shade of dark red. It's very noticeable and embarrassing.
I wasn't trying to offend anyone, and again, I'm very sorry about using the wrong term.
(Nice siggy...I'd warn my parents, but they'd take my door off its hinges so that there's no worries)
Posts: 173 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2010
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So, I'm back to post again. This rant I'm about to post is from yesterday, conveniently saved in an online journal for easy copy and paste. There's more updated info in a thread I have in the Support Group forum, for anyone who's interested.
I'm tired of being disrespected, but having respect demanded from me. I'm tired of being minimized or dismissed, while expected to perform at my best. If I was at my best, I'd do work that way, so don't minimize what I've told you I'm feeling. And you wonder why I don't talk to you? Mommy, I'm so tired of getting ranted at. I know that sometimes I don't hear myself and can be disrespectful, but it certainly isn't as much as you claim it is. Half the time you really are hearing things. Are you just looking for a fight? Or is it because in my attempt to answer your questions, while you keep flinging questions and statements at me, that we keep interrupting each other, that you find offensive? I stop talking to let you finish asking so I can answer, but you start up again when I'm trying to answer! How can I answer you if you give me no time to answer? But I'm being offensive by "interrupting" you? Maybe if you actually listened to me and let me answer, before you start posing contradictory or impossible questions, you'd get your answers! And btw, stop asking trap questions, things I can't really answer because either way it'll either offend you or you'll blow it off like I'm just saying what you want to hear anyway. And I can't say I have no answer or don't know, because that just makes you angry and silence infuriates you. Yet you're offended when I tell you it's impossible or pointless to talk to you. Stop saying "I'm not one of your friends" as though me and my friends argue like this. I'm sorry, my friends actually respect me, LISTEN WITHOUT JUDGMENT, let me finish my damned sentences, and don't accuse me with their pre-conceived notions, erroneous assumptions, and inaccurate accusations. And if they DO have a bad assumption, they actually let me refute them. You do none of these things. Trying to refute you is like trying to count the stars, pointless and highly time-consuming. You decide in your mind what I'm thinking, why I'm "thinking" that way, and the reasons behind why I do or do not do something, and that's the only interpretation that's right. But you corner me to answer your "questions" and when I try and tell you you're wrong, you blow up at me saying this is why you can't talk to me cuz I never want to admit when I'm wrong or that I'm just mad you're pointing out my "flaws" to me. I'm very aware of my flaws actually, I don't need you shoving the real ones and the perceived ones in my face. And you wonder why I have no self esteem. So, stop telling me you're not one of my friends, because I know that and honestly if you were my age you wouldn't be a friend of mine, I keep friends who respect me and they get the consideration in turn. We all listen to each other and respect and love each other. We don't randomly accuse, attack, or guilt each other. Therefore I don't usually have any reason to be sharp with them or argue. Now, I'm tired of hearing your stories of love and sacrifice in the midst of a verbal lashing. That's a guilt trip, pure and simple. Telling me about your love and sacrifice as a type of "encouragement" after you've yelled at me and gone on your long tangents where you tell me all the reasons I'm lazy, ungrateful, selfish or horrible in some way, is basically abuse, used to make me feel loved while pushing me to do what you want. Not cool at all, I only want to hear about your sacrifice when I can appreciate it. And remember this one thing too: I DIDN'T ASK TO BE BORN. I'm grateful for being alive, but keep in mind I had no choice in the matter to come into the world or be with you or cause you great pain, sacrifice and suffering. I didn't demand these things from you, I didn't ask you to do them. Though make no mistake I AM VERY GLAD AND INTENSELY APPRECIATE YOU DOING THEM FOR ME. By no means should you think I'm not grateful. Don't you even dare let that cross your mind. I'm just tired of you using your sacrifices as a weapon to "motivate" me. And for heaven's sake stop doing that with God too! I know what He's done for me, I've known my whole life. I do appreciate and love Him for it, for the sacrifice and the love and mercy and grace, whether you think I do or not. But you're wrecking my relationship with Him and my desire to have one! Badgering about church and baptism, prayer and reading, guilting me and making me feel either horrible or like you're just spewing whatever you think of me and how I feel about God (again, pre-conceived notions and inaccurate assumptions and accusations!) just separates me from you and a desire to go to church. Why should I be inclined to listen to you when you make it seem like work? Not even the good, awesome work that ALL relationships require, but just grudging work, the sort that makes people resentful and angry? I want my relationship with God to be on His terms not yours, I want to have a happy relationship with Him, I want to feel as though my relationship will be lovely and strong, even when it's hard or while I'm suffering. I want it to be worth it, not making me wonder if He actually cares, or that I have to earn it, or be resentful of Him for placing or allowing burdens or giving me hard but useful work. In the meantime you make it seem like God is a petty being! Your whole spiel that He isn't against removing something that's in His place in my life, and do it permanently, with specific and malicious implications to Joshua, followed up by "I hope he's worth it, I hope he's worth going to Hell for, I hope he's worth your soul" is completely against anything that could possibly be accounted for in the Bible. God may be a jealous God, but He is not a malicious one. And your constant "reminders" that I'm currently in a position to go to Hell, is abusive. I know all about Hell, I was raised in the church remember? I do actually care, I care a whole f***ing lot. I want to be in Heaven with God, cuz He's only the most awesome person in existence. But I do believe your fellow parishioners, who ended up being religious in their pursuit of righteousness, only cut me off from baptism. I just wonder what I'd be like had I been allowed, but now it doesn't matter, because despite all protests to the contrary I am having a loving, lovely, committed, whole-hearted, caring, respectful relationship with my boyfriend that includes making love, whether you like it or not. And despite all attempts to block our physical relationship, which is a lot safer, emotionally and physically, than most, if not all, of yours was, we are doing it pretty regularly. I'm not stupid or foolish, I'm making better decisions than you were, because YOU TAUGHT ME how to do so. sorry that I'm actually using that knowledge. Speaking of decision-making. I'm still angry about the double standards with my age. Calling me an adult only when it suits you, when it's convenient, or for something you approve of or don't care about, but telling me "you're not grown yet" when it's something you don't like or when I try and stand up for myself as an adult is beyond unfair. I cannot communicate with you if every time I try to defend myself against you, refute you in some way, I'm shut down and further yelled at for being "disrespectful." I'm sorry, but to get respect you have to give it, why do i have to earn respect while you get off scott-free being disrespectful but receiving it? Why are you allowed to ignore me, blow me off, dismiss or minimize me and my feelings, while shoving your thoughts and opinions about me and everything concerning me as well as yourself and your feelings about me, and why I did or did not do/say something and how something hurt or offended you, but I can't respond in kind? How oppressive.
Oh stepfather dearest, how i despise you. You're selfish, self-absorbed, lazy, and a hypocrite. You boss us around, saying we need to clean, keep things out the livingroom and dining room. Meantime your crap is EVERYWHERE. You consume space. We're not your maids, if you want your house to be clean you have to make an active effort to keep it that way. At this point we don't even want your help actually cleaning, since you generally are just bossing people around anyway while doing little actual work. Your cleaning skills are shoddy at best, it still amazes me how you have the nerve to comment on ours. And btw, I'm sick of you taking advantage of my mother and being unappreciative of her. She is an excellent wife to you, but you dare complain when she asks you to get off your video game or to help with something? You DARE to tell her about how YOU work hard? You DARE to tell her how your oh so stressed and tired and need to play your childish game for hours? And then hog the tv and what is played on it after you've gotten off that damn XBox? You really think you work harder than her? You really think you're the only one deserving of a break, a release, a relaxer, a couple hours with the tv to yourself? You think you work so hard as to be exempt from helping her when she asked? You insult her you vain beast! She who works TWO jobs, who has done so several times in her life, who has been a single mother of two for years, who's going to school while both her children do the same, you dare insult this beautiful and brave woman? You dare to speak about your "long day" and therefore minimize her hard work and contributions? How dare you speak that way to her! Who the hell do you think you are? who the **** do you really think you are? You ARE NOT SPECIAL. And I'm tired of you and your opinions. Your opinions are insulting, especially since you're so arrogant about them. Oh yes, you "know what I'm up to", you "won't be fooled", you "aren't gonna let us pull the wool over your eyes like mommy". Again, you insult my mother's intelligence. She should be accusing you of treating her like the village idiot, not us, since my sister and I have NEVER thought she was stupid or treated her that way or acted with that thought in our heads. And btw mom, that repeated feeling of yours is really really hurtful, we never have thought of you as stupid. Ever. We were never that sort of teenager or child. As for you dear stepfather, stuff it. I don't like you, I don't value your opinions because they're ALWAYS biased, ALWAYS the product of pre-conceived notions, inaccurate accusations, and annoying *** assumptions. You're a jerk, you're an *******. I'm tired of you talking like you know everything and any refutations are pointless because you "know" and are incapable of being "fooled". Like, seriously? Whatever. And you need to learn some f***ing compassion. Oh yes, you don't "sugarcoat things" you "say it how you see it", no you say shit cruelly, you don't express your opinions properly at all. I say things how I see it, but I know how to do it with some frigging compassion. It might not always come out nice, it might not be said the best way, but it's way better than yours. You just say shit with no consideration for another's feelings, it's all about you and what you see, which sure as shit ain't always right.
I'm tired of the two of you talking about my boyfriend. I'm tired of everyone talking about my boyfriend. In truth, our relationship is none of your business, it isn't anyone's business. I share because I like sharing, I enjoy telling people about the loving relationship I have with him. I don't need anyone judging it, commenting negatively on it, or trying to break it up or otherwise undermine it. and quite a few people have made attempts at the life of my relationship and I don't appreciate it. I certainly don't appreciate you people telling me all sorts of bad things. You know I sometimes have very distressing thoughts, "what if I don't love him?" Do you realize how damaging to my self-esteem it is to have those thoughts? I know that's completely ludicrous! I know I love him, but you have spoken so much doubt to me, constantly telling me things similar to "how will God bring your husband to you if you have him?" that those horrible lies still crop up in my head. I'm still angry about you accusing my boyfriend of cheating, implying that I'm a cheater or may want to be one, implying that we're uncommitted; that was so far beyond what you have a right to say, which is essentially nothing. Who are you to judge my relationship just because I like sex, or because he's not a christian as you define it, or because I'm not faithful as you define it? Recall that you are not inside my mind and as much as you like to claim, you DO NOT know me better than I know myself. So get out from my *** crack, which is probably the only place mommy knows better than I know myself, and out my face which is the only thing Kirk really knows. and i guess my feet, since I like walking the house barefoot. And none of you know Joshua as well as I do, so stop undermining my faith in myself and in my relationship. I know that he loves me, I have an idea of how much he does, all I know is it's a whole hell of a lot. Yet I am now filled with fear that he may leave me, for the reasons you've put in my head, for the frustrations you've put us through, for being so broken and dysfunctional inside... Even though he's constantly trying to help me and love me and get your words out of my head, despite that we've made a whole year through your hellfire, despite that he knows I'm not healthy in my mind, despite that I have almost no faith in myself and am so afraid of the future because of you. I still fear. Why are you all so threatened by it? I don't understand why you can't be happy about it, why you have to tell me all the bad things about myself that might eventually drive him away. Why do you say these things to me? Why do you try and make him seem untrustworthy, like he's just an uncaring boy that's all penis and no brains or feelings? He's so incredibly offended by you all, but he constantly holds his tongue and speaks respectfully to you all. He's more offended at how you treat and speak to me than how you double talk him. Always trying to tell him you care and love him, but then turn around and say the shit you do, though Kirk only puts up a front around mommy, he's let Josh know exactly what ill feelings he has. Why do you keep trying to claim that God is displeased with us? He created love and sex as a beautiful gift for the expression of that love. However, you do know that's not the be-all-end-all of any relationship? Why do you keep talking about hell to me, like I'm just diving in? Why is it that you seek to frighten me into submission? Why do you aim to create such dysfunction and despair that I not only obey you but do not seek the happiness you wish me to only taste at marriage? Why can't I have that happiness now? What about marriage makes it the only possible way to have deep love, happiness, care, and devotion? Why do you aim to keep me in line, growing only where you want me to, learning only what you desire, doing only things you approve of until what you feel is the opportune time? You do know I am a human, not some tame animal, and that even animals have feelings, desires and rights? Even they have minds and thoughts and souls, they may be simplistic, they may not work like ours, but they exist.
You're starting to make me not care, to discard your opinions as being prejudiced, unfair, oppressive, unfounded, arrogant, fearful, rude, disrespectful, and cruel. Why should I listen to you when you don't listen to me? Even with school it's really only your opinion that matters, the only thing that's ever been mine is what I want to major in. I've been pushed around so much, forced to speed up or continue when I wanted a break, needed a break, harassed and badgered about so many things, that I have little faith in myself. I don't know what I want to do, when I want to do it. I can't tell you how I'm feeling because you'll pounce defensively on anything you don't like or disagree with or will blow me off if it's something you don't find particularly important or pressing or serious. You don't listen to me, you hear me and then judge me. Nothing is truly open with you. What do I need to do to make you take me seriously? To listen and not just hear, to just LISTEN and not judge? Attempt my life? Do I really need to do something drastic to get it through that I need you to shut the F*** UP. Even then I probably wouldn't get through, or it would be like "why didn't you say something sooner?" Like I could trust you so easily? I can barely guess a reaction to things. You know I wouldn't lie so much to you if I could trust a calm reaction? But whatever, I'm done ranting for now. I'm just tired of having it pent up, it's all destroying me and breaking me apart. This is all only coming out cuz I've become depressed again, which is a serious medical illness btw, not something I can just think happy thoughts and be rid of. It isn't a product of laziness or lack of relationship with God. I've been suicidal several times, seriously suicidal. If you knew what I really went through at alfred, if you took this seriously at all, you'd have taken me to a doctor right away when you brought me home. I can't imagine having this convo with you about my depression. I've tried having a more...nonchalant conversation with you, but again, I faced minimization. You claimed I was fine because "most of how you're feeling is just your age". Oh really? You must not know any healthy teenagers/young adults at all, like AT ALL. I have healthy friends and a healthy boyfriend, they don't think or feel like this, my friends with formally diagnosed issues think and feel like this. And I'm sure I'd face the dreaded question "what do you have to be depressed about?" I doubt you'd even grasp the depth and severity of my problems. You'd see less than what's there, or you'd be defensive, or dismissive, or any number of useless and discouraging feelings or thoughts. Or maybe you'd actually listen, but I get the feeling that's unlikely even with a doctor or someone of the like insisting. Even then I'm sure your husband would continue to blame me, like how he told Joshua very plainly that he thought me lazy and didn't believe in me. What sort of person does that? Thinks that? That I'm making up excuses, that my depression is an excuse? And tells my boyfriend these things no less? Whatever, I swear you won't pay attention until I do something drastic. You should be taking care of josh and thanking him, cuz of him and my friends I haven't tried anything. Though I'm sorely tempted, and I mean so badly....i just want the pain to stop...it stops for a while, when I am with josh or my friends, but it's always there waiting and it comes back quickly. sometimes it doesn't even leave when I'm with them, sometimes it's just a little salve instead of a painkiller. just stop talking, stop thinking, just listen!
Posts: 94 | From: Pennsylvania, USA | Registered: Aug 2010
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people haven't posted on this in a while, but i feel like i just have to...
for my LOVELY mother: you think you can control everything that has ever made me happy, and you have taken it all away... HOW THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT FOR ME TO LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU IF YOU TAKE AWAY EVERYTHING THAT I'VE EVER HELD VALUABLE TO MYSELF?!?!?!? how could you make my boyfriend break up with me? how can you tell me that what i do is DEVIANT?! i'm you're daughter. and you say that the things i do are unnatural.
i'm trying hard in school and you act like all i do is think about my social life.. HELL. i dsont even have one anymore because of school. i lost my boyfriend. i lost myfriends. and sometimes it was because of YOU. and it just kills me inside to see that i'm starting to lose it all.
you pretend that you understand what your children are going through, but in truth, you have NO ******* CLUE. (sorry for the profanity) you're so selfish, and pretend that you give your all to us. i hurt my knee, and the first thing you say is "are you giving this shit to me again?" like, wtf? did you think i was lying? WHY THE HELL WOULD I DO THAT. no wonder joe got so sick of you; so mad at you! you cannot handle us. you cannot understand. you called me a whore and pretendd that it was all okay because i realized that you were just really mad. well, idgaf. you still called me a whore. you still caused me and him to break up.
how can i obey you, if i have absolutely NO respect for you at all? i don't understand what you want from me anymore. and then you keep on bringing up jose's new girlfriend like it doesnt kill me inside. and i just.. i dont even know what to say anymore. i give up on you. i just give up.
wow. that felt good.
Posts: 11 | From: US | Registered: Jul 2010
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Just because I'm 17 doesn't mean I don't know a few things. I would never make anything up to be dramatic and I'm not that kind of person, but since I'm a teenager you just assume I'm doing it for attention, it doesn't matter that you are supposed to know me and help me and be my support. So shove it.
Posts: 15 | From: ohio | Registered: Nov 2010
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I wrote this poem about the way adults often treat born homosapiens under 18:
Maybe after the next evolution, or when the rapture comes I'll change and see better than I now can see Better luck next life eh? I'm going to keep on seeing things in the way that's comfortable for me And make sure you keep being denied All the things I get to do and have and be That are your and my rights I don't have to change, not even one thought But I'll make sure you change Into me Only you won't get to make the mistake of finding happiness for a while That I did Back when I was younger I'll tell you about it one day When you see it my way
-------------------- Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see. Posts: 819 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2008
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This is a homework assignment for my midterm of my english class, and I would this about me...
I saw someone getting discriminated against because of the books he reads, the friends he has, his religious beliefs, and because he writes poetry. His discrimination usually happens on a daily basis, and, typically, for no reason at all. People call him, “gay”, and/or “stupid”, and for what reason? He is not any of those, yet people think he is because of the things he does.
He has told a select few friends about his dilemmas, and they help him a lot through it all, and he couldn’t be happier to have his friends with him, to help support him, when he truly needs someone to be there for him and he’s really thankful to have his friends. He is discriminated against because of his friends, most of them being girls; they call him “gay” because he has only a few guy friends.
During the past couple of months, he’s read books on Buddhism, and has adopted Buddhist practices. At home, his parents make him go to church, and think he’s weird for converting to Buddhism, when living in a Christian home. And although it’s guaranteed by the Constitution “Freedom of religion”, apparently his parents can make him go to church because the government can’t interfere with families.
He’s currently reading the book Tricks by Ellen Hopkins. And his family calls them “girl books” and him “gay” for reading them, but because the main characters are girls, but in ¬Tricks, and ¬Impulse, by the same author, these books contain main characters that are both female and male, while her other books, have some secondary characters that are also male. I don’t see why they would do this to him, but I think it’s wrong, because books have never been “gender specific” and guys can read books written by girls that feature girl characters just like girls can read books written by guys that feature guy characters. I see no difference, between the two, and the discrimination he receives due to the books he reads is wrong, and unneeded.
The guy is also discriminated against because he enjoys writing poetry. His parents think that writing poetry is a “feminine” thing to do, when really it’s not, because throughout history, we’ve had many great male poets, such as Shakespeare, and Hughes, among others. He writes about love, feelings, and personal experiences within his poems, and also writes some for his friends. He also tries to write about all the people in his poems and about the common experiences for teenagers. He goes day by day wearing different masks to hide his emotions, emotions he rarely shows to the public, but it’s hard to mask them all the time. In the Scarlet Letter Hawthorne expresses this quite well, “No man can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting puzzled as to which is the true one.” (Hawthorne, 187).
Lastly, I’d personally like to thank him, because recently, he has turned to someone, and has meetings with the social worker. After a couple of years of putting up with this, he’s finally doing something about it, things have been getting better for him, however, there is still some discriminating going on, but is, in some cases, of lesser degrees. And I’m glad that he’s starting to seek out help, and I can only hope that this will finally be put to an end.
I hope that things will continue to get better and that he knows that I’ll always be here for him, as a friend, because... this is me, and my story.
Here's a poem I wrote called "Pushover":
Pushover
By: Tyler
People take your things to tease, torment, and cause you pain.
They say hurtful things, you want to speak up and deny their claims, but what's the point with no one to blame.
At points you want to runaway, forget this past from which you came.
Everyone's a giant and you feel so small, in a world where you don't belong.
Everyone expects highly of you, but that's the guidelines they chose to set, not what you think is best.
You want to speak up and yell 'No!' but that would only bring a fight to swell.
When you fight you get hit and yelled at, your mind's telling you "Don't fight back."
You want to call DCFS and report abuse, but something's telling you not, even though in your heart you know you must.
I've ran away last year, May 5th. and ya sure it was cold, and I had to sleep outside, but ya know what, I felt free, free from YOU and the HURT YOU cause me! And ya know what else, you always say that I can't make it with a 2.5 GPA, well wanna know why it's like this, because of you you've always said "you'll never make it" and over the weekend when I talked to you about taking a CNA class my senior year, you said no, and that is "wasn't right". Well, many guys are becoming nurses, and I like to help people, and if I can't become a surgeon, a nurse will do just fine... and also, when I turn 18 over the summer, I'll most likely move out, and live with a friend, idk, but my friends certainly care about me a whole lot more than YOU do. JUST STOP F***ING MESSING WITH ME, SAYING I'M THE PROBLEM CHILD!
what about my brother and sister, you like them so much more because they never sexted, looked at porn! And my sister got a 4 year college scholarship, and you'll praise them and what do I get... NOTHING!
Wel ya know what I'm going to be the best man I can be, and I'm going to be a better parent than you'll ever be, cause I'll actually listen to them, and NOT make fun of them, and I'll always be there for them, and not be a lazy fat *** that just watches tv after he comes ome from work. and I'll treat myt wife with respect and actually help her too when she needs help form me. So...
**** YOU, IT'S MY LIFE NOT YOUR'S AND I'M GOING TO LIVE IT THE WAY I WANT TO!
posted
Please stop telling me constantly that I'm a lazy, selfish little witch or any variation on that theme. It is SO unnecessary and hurtful. When telling me that having a job would give me a dose of reality please consider that when YOU choose to send me a school where 3 hours of homework a night is expected, as well as spending 6 hours a day at the school, under most people's definitions that IS a full time job. On that theme, I don't particularly want to go to Uni, however in order "not to waste my private school education and my life, because its the only way I will be able to do anything worthwhile," I guess that I'll probably be obliged to.
quote: Something that has always rubbed me the wrong way was the phrase, and (coincidentally, one of my parents' favorites):
"Wait until you get out into the real world."
YES that annoys me SO much! Would you like to tell me where I've been living then? A happy world where everyone is kind and friendly, where I have not the slightest worry or responsibility, where I can laze around all day and never realise how lucky I am? Another one is "You are going to come back to Earth with a bang when you leave home." I tell you what, I can't wait. If fact I'm sorely tempted to go to Uni in another state or country for that very reason. Maybe I will but at least I will learn my own lessons and learn from experience.
And please stop being so hypocritical. Eg, its ok for you speak to me rudely, order me around or call me names but its never ok for me?
And my most least favorite of phrases: "Why? Because I'm the parent." Yes that may mean it is legal for you to search my drawers, find and read my diary, take an inventory of my wallet and then ask on what stupid thing i've been spending money on, and do things that you do not allow me to do, but that does not mean it is right. Legal and right don't always equate and it seems like it certainly doesn't in your case.
I love this thread
-------------------- ~~Caitlin
"Oh baby I said, It's all in our hands, Got to learn to respect, What we don't understand, We are fortunate ones, Fortunate ones, I swear." Posts: 61 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Jun 2007
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I love this, and I've come to vent some more...
Well, yesterday (Sunday) my parents decided to give up on me and my brother, and we are pretty much left to fend for ourselves.
Adn idk what to do, all they're going to do is provide us with food, clothing, and shelter...
but we have to cook/find our own food, we have to wash our clothes, and idk how to do any of that! and they also took my phone, the tv, computer, and everything under the sun away! it sucks, and sometimes I'm comtemplating on running away again, but idk what to do cause most of my friends are girls so I can't stay with them, and it's going to be really hard, and idk what to do.
Please help Posts: 175 | From: USA | Registered: Apr 2010
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(Tyler: this thread is expressly for venting, rather than for engaging in conversation and giving advice. If you want some help with this, can you jump over to one of your other threads, and we can do our best? Mind, if you are saying your parents have abandoned you and your siblings -- like, they left you food and a house but LEFT -- that's a call to make to your social worker ASAP, okay? But we can talk more about that if you like in another thread.)
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63244 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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Also, the place that adiemus linked this thread to up there?
That's the forums for the National Youth Rights Association, a FANTASTIC group I think an awful lot of you might like a whole lot in you're not already familiar with it. It's also a good place if you want another forum besides this one to hang out at, particularly for discussions about things like adultism, youth activism and your civil rights (and lack thereof).
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63244 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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hey mum...just to say actually i like who i am. i like the way i dress. i like that dad is proud of me for being me, not for doing well in school. i like my room messy and my sheets old because the room looks lived in. i like folding the corners of pages because i like books looking read. i like my opinions the way they are. i dont want to 'see when im older'. i want to be able to tell you im religous and not have you say no, like its your desicion. i like that im not close to you, because i dont like you anymore, and sometimes, i secretly wish that you and dad would brake up so i could live with him. he might be stupid, but at least hes never dull. p.s david bowie can be a role model if i want him to be, and the reason i feel weird around you? i heard you and dad, and i blame you for making me feel disturbed by it.
-------------------- I don't know where i'm going from here, but i promise it won't be boring-david bowie Posts: 3 | From: England | Registered: Dec 2010
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Just getting tired of how you constantly scream at me and the whole family. I hate how if i don't clean "your" house the exact way you prefer, that you call me every name in the book, and threaten me with being grounded if i don't do everything perfectly. I'm doing great in school right now, yet the other day you called me a loser, you blame me for things you do and im just done fighting back. I know kids are supposed to love their parents, but im on the edge of no longer careing about you.. sorry.
Posts: 127 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2010
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You want to say I don't understand the concept of parental authority? Damn right I don't understand.
I don't understand how you can do stuff because you love me and then not be bothered to care about what makes me happy. I don't understand how you can say "that's just the way it is" when I say you can change it for me. You can change my home environment. Because you know what? Of course I'm not happy. I'm not allowed to do the things that make me happy.
Punk rock makes me happy.
Fanfiction makes me happy.
Emo music makes me happy.
Fighting for the recognition of youth as equals makes me happy.
But these things aren't supposed to make me happy. I'm not supposed to read stuff on the Internet that you don't understand or approve of. When I say the only thing that I can't tolerate is intolerance, when I say you're reminding me of the bigots who cry out "oh, you're infringing upon my right to be prejudiced and take away the freedoms of others!" and you say, "oh, I don't like that either," you're right - I don't understand how you can say that and then, when I say "well then don't be so hypocritical," you can say "well, it's just the way I am." I don't understand how you can claim to acknowledge something as wrong and still accept it when you can change it. The way you treat me in this house is under your control. You can be more open-minded. You can be more tolerant. You can listen to me when I want to share what makes me happy. You can make it so I don't have to hide who I am.
Because you're right, who I am is under my control. I can be myself. I just can't show it as long as I live in your house. I can't translate who I am to what I do. I can't do what makes me happy.
posted
I wish I could show you who I am. I wish I could take off the mask that I put on as soon as you enter the room, and actually talk to you.
I wish I could show you these posts where I debate and explain and people respect me. I wish I could show you that even without knowing me, and even when most of the time all that these people know of me is my faults, that they still respect me, and some of them even care a bit, I think. I wish I could show you all my posts on that other forum, where I told complete strangers the things I can't tell you-that the test was right and I'm depressed, that I know about dad looking at/chatting with women online, that this whole life is tearing me apart-and they don't judge me. They give me hugs, and tell me things will be alright even when they have no idea. They comfort me when you can't, because you can't deal with me growing up.
I wish you would take me seriously. When I say that I want to go to a gynecologist, don't dismiss it offhandedly. Listen to me. I do have reasons, and they're valid. When I say something about wanting a cup, rather than tampons, and I use the fact that they'd cost a lot less as a backup argument, don't decide that that's my entire reasoning, or that I haven't done my research, because I have. You haven't, but I have. I wouldn't be saying these things if I hadn't.
I wish that in your mind, age didn't equal respect. I still don't see how I have to respect foolish adults, simply because they haven't stepped off a curb in front of a bus yet. I think that all people have to earn respect, which is why my twenty-year-old lesbian best friend has my respect, but my father doesn't.
It hurts that you demean everything I do, because in your mind I'm still your daughter, and that's all I'll ever be. I'm "an adult" when you want me to do something. When my brother is being a jerk, then I'm an adult, and should act like one. When I tell you that I'm hungry, then I'm an adult, and can surely figure out how to make food. But when I want to help figure out finances, then I'm a kid again. When I want to make decisions about myself, whoops, I just poofed back into a child who is obviously too young to understand what she's saying. That's how you act, you know. Like I'm a precocious ten year old, who learned some big words in school today. Like a kid who comes home and says "I'm going to be the next president!!" and everyone nods and smiles knowingly and says "Of course you will sweetheart. Here, have a cookie."
And, honestly, do you have to make stupid sex jokes? You are forty three years old. So is your husband. You constantly lament, in my hearing, that your husband doesn't want you anymore. So him pawing at "the rufflies on your new shirt, which happen to be right above your chest" really just strikes me around...9th grade maturity level. If that. It's pretty stupid, and annoying, and fairly demeaning, thank you. If you want me gone, just say so. I've been telling my friends for years that I talk too much, so tell me to shut up if I annoy you. Just tell me to get out of your room! It's dumb to goof around like that when there isn't anything going on, and it's an insult to what intelligence I have.
Posts: 173 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2010
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To all the adults out there who I see every week and just notice me as the nice, polite girl with blue hair and who *gasp* has a serious boyfriend at *15*~ Open your F***ing eyes. The world is a h*ll of a lot larger than your church, and God, if He does exist (and if He does, then when He goes and sends me to Hell, I have a few things to talk to Him about) is an egotistical, sexist...I can't even finish that sentence. I've tried to think of Him as a caring God, but I can't wrap my head around it. If He does exist, why would he let the world be so horrible? Why would he let people die painful deaths, AIDs exist, people get abused and raped and harrassed, and allow for all the suffering that takes place daily happen? Why?
To my mom~ I love you, and I thank you. You've been incredibly supportive of me these last few weeks and I'm grateful. But why must you constantly say, "You need to lose weight" "Don't do this, or say that or act like this, or Nat won't *like* you any more" Um, excuse me, but that's who I am, and if he doesnt still at least try to love me when I'm slightly *itchy and tired and cramping and in a horrible mood, then obviously I wouldn't still be dating him. And *like*???? are you *ffing kidding me? We've been together for nearly 8 months. If I wasn't sure that I loved him, I wouldn't still be with him. I would never do that to him, string him on like that.
To my dad~ Screw you. You've missed most of my life (to some extent, that's the Navy's fault. But I forgive you for that. It's everythign else I'm ticked about.) You missed my show choir show so that you could *weld EXHAUST PIPES* How do you think that meakes me feel? It makes me feel like I'm worthless and that you don;t care about me. I've always been Daddy's Little Girl. Why does that have to change now? Yeah, I get that you're homophobic, hypocritical, and a country hick, but c'mon. Yeah, LGBTQ people exist. I've questioned my sexuality (not that you'll ever know) but I wonder sometimes what you would think if I told you i was questioning at one time? Would you shun me? Disown me? Flip out and yell at me? Tell me it's just a faze and that I'll get over it? Shove it, cuz I don't really care.
And, yeah, I'm on birth control and I own condoms and lube. You don't know that, and hopefully you wont until I'm 18 and you can't do anything about it. Only two more years, right? Mom said you'd flip out and say "Sex is bad" "Don't have sex" Whatever. You had sex with my mom, the woman you married, when you were 18 and she was 15. You'd been dating for 2 years at that point. So get the f*** over it and grow up. You still act like your 13, and it's annoying. I want a supportive father, not the idiot who just sees what he wants to see.
To my grandma~ Shove it. I don't want to hear your narrow-minded view or listen as you call black people "negroes" just cuz you grew up in Montana doesnt mean you can be racist. And the homophobia? Please. They exist. Get over it. And yeah, Grandma, I have blue in my hair. I wash my hair everyday. I'm short and I like black. I read books you would see as innapropriate and I know more about a lot of stuff than you ever will.
To all the people who try to convert me to Christianity~ I dont give a ****. I don;t believe in God, and I probably never will. I'm perfectly happy being an aetheist/person who belives in Fate. When/if I find a religion I like, you won't stop preaching. You'll work even harder to convert me. And it p***es me off. If I wanted to believe in Him, I would. Simple as that.
To the Irwins. I really don't like either of you. I never have. Mr. Irwin, you're loud, obnoxious, annoying, narrowminded, sexist, homophobic, hypocritcal. Mrs. Irwin, you're a bible-thumping female version of your husband, and a disgrace to feminists everywhere. I can't stand either of you, and I really hate going over to your house for the holidays. P.S., Mrs. Irwin, you're cooking sucks.
*****
I officially love this forum page I feel much better now ^.^
Posts: 25 | From: USA | Registered: Jun 2010
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I think all of you are amazing, strong and fierce.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63244 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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I write poetry to express the way I'm feeling, here are several poems that I worte describing my moods, I probably have more, but here's some.
Tomorrow's Thoughts
By: Tyler
I wake, wondering if yesterday's thoughts are real or fake.
Will my lonely soul find a mate or parish from hate.
Will I have what it takes to rise above and be great.
Will my thoughts know what tomorrow holds, no for I only know what today holds.
Truth
By: Tyler
Must I tell you the truth, of a past so dark and loose.
Will I break down and cry as if I am about to die.
Will I be strong and bear it all.
Will my heart just want to tell it all.
I will tell you the truth, and although it is long, with it we must be strong.
Speak
By: Tyler
Can you ever change the past, without going back.
Does it stay a part of you or does it slowly far from you.
Will it show it not show if you don't talk or will your emotions bear what your voice may not.
Will I isolate myself today in hopes that it may go away or will I speak tomorrow about these horrible, horrible sorrows.
Spoken
By: Tyler
I told you the truth and that was all I hope that we won't fall.
Should we fall, I won't trust this heart so full of lust.
I'm sure we'll be strong and make it though it is long.
I hope we'll last and forget our past
Lets focus on the future now and see where we'll get and how.
Pushover
By: Tyler
People take your things to tease, torment, and cause you pain.
They say hurtful things, you want to speak up and deny their claims, but what's the point with no one to blame.
At points you want to runaway, forget this past from which you came.
Everyone's a giant and you feel so small, in a world where you don't belong.
Everyone expects highly of you, but that's the guidelines they chose to set, not what you think is best.
You want to speak up and yell 'No!' but that would only bring a fight to swell.
When you fight you get hit and yelled at, your mind's telling you "Don't fight back."
You want to call DCFS and report abuse, but something's telling you not, even though in your heart you know you must.
This is my midterm I had to write for english in november.
Tyler Midterm American Lit
I saw someone getting discriminated against because of the books he reads, the friends he has, his religious beliefs, and because he writes poetry. His discrimination usually happens on a daily basis, and, typically, for no reason at all. People call him, “gay”, and/or “stupid”, and for what reason? He is not any of those, yet people think he is because of the things he does. He has told a select few friends about his dilemmas, and they help him a lot through it all, and he couldn’t be happier to have his friends with him, to help support him, when he truly needs someone to be there for him and he’s really thankful to have his friends. He is discriminated against because of his friends, most of them being girls; they call him “gay” because he has only a few guy friends. During the past couple of months, he’s read books on Buddhism, and has adopted Buddhist practices. At home, his parents make him go to church, and think he’s weird for converting to Buddhism, when living in a Christian home. And although it’s guaranteed by the Constitution “Freedom of religion”, apparently his parents can make him go to church because the government can’t interfere with families. He’s currently reading the book Tricks by Ellen Hopkins. And his family calls them “girl books” and him “gay” for reading them, but because the main characters are girls, but in -Tricks, and ¬Impulse, by the same author, these books contain main characters that are both female and male, while her other books, have some secondary characters that are also male. I don’t see why they would do this to him, but I think it’s wrong, because books have never been “gender specific” and guys can read books written by girls that feature girl characters just like girls can read books written by guys that feature guy characters. I see no difference, between the two, and the discrimination he receives due to the books he reads is wrong, and unneeded. The guy is also discriminated against because he enjoys writing poetry. His parents think that writing poetry is a “feminine” thing to do, when really it’s not, because throughout history, we’ve had many great male poets, such as Shakespeare, and Hughes, among others. He writes about love, feelings, and personal experiences within his poems, and also writes some for his friends. He also tries to write about all the people in his poems and about the common experiences for teenagers. He goes day by day wearing different masks to hide his emotions, emotions he rarely shows to the public, but it’s hard to mask them all the time. In the Scarlet Letter Hawthorne expresses this quite well, “No man can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting puzzled as to which is the true one.” (Hawthorne, 187). Lastly, I’d personally like to thank him, because recently, he has turned to someone, and has meetings with the social worker. After a couple of years of putting up with this, he’s finally doing something about it, things have been getting better for him, however, there is still some discriminating going on, but is, in some cases, of lesser degrees. And I’m glad that he’s starting to seek out help, and I can only hope that this will finally be put to an end. I hope that things will continue to get better and that he knows that I’ll always be here for him, as a friend, because... this is me, and my story. **Side note: Dear, Mrs. Teacher: I kindly ask that you please not report this, I know that as a teacher, if you happen to come across something along these lines, that you should report it. But I kindly ask that you don’t report it, because I have already done so, and I am, as mentioned above, dealing with this by talking with the social worker. I’d really appreciate it if you’d keep this between us. I choose to write about this because it has been on my mind lately, and it has to do a lot about the topics from which we had to choose from, such as numbers, 1, 5 and 10. I really just needed to tell someone, someone I could trust. And I tend to write about my feelings with in my poetry as well. If you want to talk to me about this, after class or some time, you may. I’d really appreciate it if you could just keep this between us. Thanks Mrs. Teacher**
I have leterally had it with my family, my parents took my Ipod away this morning because I didn't wake up at 5 am for wrestling practice at 6 am. And I don't even want to wrestle this year, I'm only doing to because I got forced into doing it by my parents,and to make my parents and coach happy. also I didn't sleep good last night, and I haven't slept good for the past couple of weeks and idk why?! I think I might have depression cause I've been really sad lately, and I've been having thoughts about suicide, and honestly idk what to do. :/ and my friend has a pregnancy scare so I'm helping her with this, and idk it's all becoming really stressful and idk what to do.
Well I have my road test to get my lisence tomorrow, finally, but now I'm thinking about suicide, by like driving the car into oncoming traffic or a tree or something, but still it's all hazy, and idk if it's me doing it or someone else. and if I do get my lisence, I'm going to take my friend to walmart to buy a pregnancy tests to get her tested to see if she's pregnant or not. we both hope that she's not. but I'll be there to support her.
But I can't wait til I'm 18 cause then I can do as I please without my parents permission.
Posts: 175 | From: USA | Registered: Apr 2010
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peterg: I hate to bust into this thread this way, but we need to take users talking about suicide very seriously.
Please get in touch with your social worker if you are having suicidal thoughts or, call 911 or the national suicide hotline at 1-800-SUICIDE.
Please.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63244 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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Dear teacher, you were really a pretty good teacher. I didn't like your class during seventh grade, but that was because it was history, and I never liked history very much. You taught fairly well, we did journaling at the beginning of every class, and I loved that. You could have been one of my favorite teachers. But you ruined it when you became angry at me when I corrected your spelling or when you said on the board that it was Tuesday when it was actually Wednesday. I remember you told my mom that you knew you had bad spelling, but that it "undermined your authority" when a student corrected you. I do understand your point of view. But I ended up going home at the end of the day feeling like the mud under someone's shoe because one of the teachers I actually liked criticized me for what I saw at that time, and still see, as being smart, as having an aptitude for spelling. Nobody minded my spelling when I won the county spelling bee for the third time in a row, and got eighth place in the state bee. For that matter, none of the other teachers minded. There wasn't total anarchy in math class because the teacher spelled "geometry" wrong and I pointed it out. For that matter, she thanked me. You lost more of your authority by showing that you were that sensitive to the point of muttering at me while angrily fixing the words, than was lost when I said that you messed something up. Besides, every kid in that class knew I was the weird spelling bee girl. The gosh-darn *English teacher* sent other kids to me when they needed to spell something that she didn't know. I was the school spelling person. And just because I was a student, your 'authority' suffered much more than it would have if an adult came in...like one of your colleagues did, and corrected you. There was no anger or muttering then, I noticed. Trust me. I noticed everything.
Dear teacher's husband, This is pretty petty, but you remember when you substituted for my 15-minute study hall? And I went on that site that's fully moderated, incredibly safe, was created for and by bored college students, but has morphed into a children's site, and ***ISN'T BLOCKED BY THE SCHOOL***? Yeah, you see, it's kinda rude of you to tell me to get off that site, and then when I say that the school doesn't have a problem with it, since it isn't blocked, you say that "you teenagers have ways of getting around those blocks". Uh, what? I really, really detest being lumped in with other teenagers as if we are all the same, especially the teenagers in that particular school. (some of whom were the girls who told you what site I was on in the first place. I am nothing like them) and more annoyingly, those girls were the ones on MySpace. And I know that was supposed to be blocked.
Dear amazing teacher, Thank you so, so, so much for everything you did for me. Thank you for being amazing and kind and supportive. Thank you for congratulating me and cheering when I won the spelling bee that first year (the year I was in your class) and thank you for taking me out on a teacher's salary to get a new outfit for the state bee, the first two times that I won. The third year, you were at a different school, as a principal, a position you completely deserve, but you went to the big city to watch me compete, and you literally shrieked with joy when I called you later and told you I had gotten eighth place. I had to hold the phone at arm's length, but I didn't care. Thank you for being one of the most wonderful teachers I have ever had. And thank you for talking to those high school teachers when I was in sixth grade, and getting them to let me borrow books from their personal bookcases when I had read every interesting book in the school library, even the high school only stories. You made my sixth grade year one of the best years of my schooling, and I am so grateful for your support during a time when I felt like I didn't have any friends.
Dear mom, I didn't say anything last night, even though I wanted to. It was right when you told your son that he could yell, but to give you a chance to refute his arguments. I didn't say that I was thinking "like parents, like son". I didn't say that I've told you and my father that dozens of times. I didn't say that it isn't quite fair that you feel you have the right to refute your 16 year old son's arguments, but that your 18 year old daughter must simply take what is yelled at her and then stay around and be cheery, because she'll get yelled at more if she goes to her room or cries, because she never spends time with you anymore, and she's antisocial, and what's wrong with her. I bit my tongue like I usually do, and then I scream into the blank pages of a notebook that you'll never read, because you don't want to see how I feel.
Posts: 173 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2010
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To Dear Mr. Person Who Said that He Will Help me With my Career, Provide a Great Internship:
I don't know why you acted in such an unprofessional, unfair way towards me. I was told by others that you were a great mentor, very helpful and very decided to helping young people enter this field. I don't know what happened, becuase you did not quiet treat me like that. I was told that you treat every other volunteer really well and they learn great things and have great appreciation for medicine, so I wonder what was it about me that you didn't do that as much or, rather you did other unprofessional things too?
Did you make the decision to treat me this way because of your own internal desires to do something to a young college female, or you just made the decision when you saw me?
Why ? I maybe a little short, skinny and colored, but the truth is that I am just as smart, competent as the other young people in the clinic (if not a bit more, I am an engineer you know). You have us in the clinic to work as office assistants, so u do not have to do the lay man's work: fetching patients, running paper work and errands and things like that. I understand that. That's fine.
But then, you know you had zero reason totalk to me about your sexual business, your sexual encounters and things like that. It was not Ok. You had 0 right to take me to coffee (not as a friendly mentor thing as I thought and imagined) but rather to check me out further and expose me to things like 'I have had sex so many times' etc and see if I would tag along. I think by doing this, you disrespect me, my autonomy to chose what and how I wanted to do things. More over, you simply abused your privledge as a authority/mentor figure.
You may be in your early 30s and everything, you are still someone who does not respect others. Your looks, height, higher and elite education, ability to secure highly covereted spots that are only avaliable to a few do not make it OK or do not make up your disrespect, deception of me.
I wanted the experience and learn and advance my career--but i don't want to ever be so close to you in that manner again, because you demonstrated from day zero that you could not respect ME. You may have respected or tolerated other young people (for whatever reasons) but somehow, those things didn't apply to me. I don't like that all.
I feel sad and unhappy that I LOST this opportunity but the truth is that I am happy that you did not and would never contact me again to join or work or assist in your clinic. In reality, if you had contacted me again, I would have continued to work in your office, thinking that I was getting some “great experience” but in reality, it is highly possible that you would have to continued this unprofessional behaviour to more heights; maybe using more sexual innendo, more physical and verbal explicit things. Very consciously, you would not have even looked at me and whether I was Ok with this.
I wanted to work there and etc but now i realize that there is no 'program' but rather private independent assistanceship with you. You are OK to pick and chose the people you want to work in your office, but it is not OK for you to lead them on about work opportunities, interview them and then also exploit them in ways for your own personal gain or not. I felt that you put me in a place where I was going to lose no matter what. If I didn’t go along with your suggestions/innuendoes Day 1 , you crossed me out from your office.If I did go along, you would have tested the boundaires more and even I (for example did physical stuff with you), you may have still crossed me out from the program If you wanted to keep me in the program, u would have done that to further abuse or be unpleasant towards me.
I'm glad that I reported to HR and discussed it because I know that likely it would have gotten worst over time over weeks and months. While I'm sad that I "lost" the opportunity to be your office / clinic assistant, I'm not really sad at all. actually.
I am told that the HR person, maybe your boss was present when they had the meeting with you. How was like for you to hear that? I don’t know if they ever mentioned my name or any of the details. How did you feel when you heard it? Surprised, shocked, unclear or cystal clear? How you feel knowing that you can’t walk over someone else (even who seems small and weaker and not in a good position) like that?
I am extremely outranged and angry at your behavior. It is fine if you use your own criteria to find out who you want in your office/clinic but giving someone a interview, training where you cross boundaries and then do such things. Let me tell you: You can't treat anyone in that manner.
I want to tell you and the world that I’m young now, but I am on my way. I will make a great doctor. I will. And not only will I be smart efficient professional and great with patients, I will know how to not abuse my authority. I will treat people well and give them their due respect despite their social or economic status. I am going to live a life where I am nice to people and do things consentually. I will not deceive people or lead them to believe things that are not true. I would not assume that someone is smaller or weaker in the ‘ladder’ that I can do whatever I want with them.
In the meanwhile, I will have a great internship experience where in the next few months I am going to work in the hospital in a different department and meet some amazing doctors who are nice and great and respectful. It will happen.
posted
( I just accidentally deleted a rant that I really wanted to post ugh)
I hate you. I really do. You tortured me to near death. I ended up on life support more than once and you still tell me you were a good mum? That you did nothing wrong? I spent more than 12 years being brutally abused by you before I managed to get help. And even then it was only because someone saw I couldn't use one of my arms and the bruising was so bad the whole fore arm was black. You persuaded the social workers that I was the whack job, didn't you? You made the child protection officer believe I was the deranged one, didn't you? Now no doctor, no professional believes anything I say. Every cold, flu or anything is now all made up in my head to them. You've ruined my life. I don't close my eyes because I remember how you tortured me. I don't barely talk because I have your voice ringing in my ears that you will kill me if I say anything about what things are really like at home. The one person to ever show me that there is such a thing as love; you prohibited me from talking to her about anything personal. Then you found out she's a lesbian and in your homophobic rage you forbade me to even say hi. Is it any wonder I tried to kill myself once? Twice? Thrice? Noone believes that you are what you are. I hate you for making me incompetent. I thought mothers are supposed to be maternal, loving, caring? Not beating their little daughter until she's bleeding from every orifice and more then dump her bloody near dead body in a park in the middle of winter clad in only mini shorts and a spagetty top. You're not a mother. Youre an evil monster. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I'm your daughter. I'm 16 years old now. I'm human. I still live with you because you're a manipulative cow that made everyone think I was the rotten egg. I have no money and who gives a shit about me. Out of the three people who honestly care even a little about me, one I can't even look at because I know I hurt her a lot by suddenly not even saying hi, another I can't talk to because that's your rule, the other, a child the same age as me, has only a tiny inkling as to what you're like. Stop telling me I'm the problem. Stop abusing me. Stop abusing your power. Stop pretending to the outside world that you love me when the opposite is true. Stop killing me. Just so you know: I hate you mummy.
-------------------- -x- JenBug24 -x- Posts: 43 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Jan 2011
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JenBug24, you have my deepest sympathies for your suffering, I wish I could help you somehow.
If anyone wants a hug, here's one from me: HUG.
-------------------- Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see. Posts: 819 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2008
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JenBug, I'm so very sorry you're going through this. What you're describing is very serious abuse. Would you like help getting in touch with people who can get you out of there? We can do that if you want.
-------------------- Vero Scarleteen Volunteer Help sustain sex ed and Scarleteen: donate! Posts: 1345 | From: Canada | Registered: Dec 2005
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I truly find it interesting that it takes you eighteen years to finally figure out that your relationship with me is not something to be proud of. No, in all seriousness, I find it puzzling that you had to ask my mother how to become a better father to me six months before I move out. That's the way to win my love.
Oh and remember when we talked about me going to college, thanks for being so supportive when you told me that you had no idea where I was going to get the money from because you can't help me. That really boosts a girl's self esteem.
Oh, lets not forget that you got mad at me for only applying to Florida colleges and not a single Pennsylvania college. Do I really need to tell you that I hated it there? Do I really need to remind you that I never wanted to go in the first place? Why do you think I went back on my antidepressants? Oh, but you think I shouldn't have been taking them in the first place, that I should have adapted to the move. Well, sorry, but I have depression, and I take care of it.
So, do I really have to explain to you why I left Pennsylvania? When you knew I hated it from the moment we moved. When you knew I went into a major depression the whole time we moved. Those tears weren't fake. I cried for at least five hours that night. Want to know the only reason why it was only five hours? Because I cried myself to sleep, and it's hard to cry when you're asleep.
I hate it that I can't talk to you, but I guess that's nothing new. I can't tell you what I'm thinking, because you wouldn't listen to me. I'm nineteen now, dad, I'm an adult. I don't mooch off of you, I don't live with you, I don't ask for gas money, or money to go to the doctor. I don't ask for money to repair my car, and I don't ask for money for college. So why when I ask you how much you pay for our family's medical insurance, do you throw a fit because I'm applying for food stamps for my mother and I so we can eat. Because really, it's a crime to ask for help once in a while, or at least that's what you think. But no, I can't ask you for help. Why? Because you won't help mom too. I don't buy my own food, I buy food with mom. Want to help me? Help us. But you won't, and that's ok. Just give me the information, without the lecture. You do know that I just blanked out that whole time, right?
Oh, yeah, about our conversations. Don't talk to me about how Mom abandoned you. Really. I don't want to hear it. Do you really want to know why? Because I have the same issues with you as she does. I hope that snaps you back into reality, because you really are a jerk. I don't care that work is hard. School was hard, my job was hard. Do you understand that during my senior year of high school, I was being productive more than you were? I was up at 5 in the morning so I could catch a 6:30 bus, so I could be at school at 8, just to get out at 3, and be home at 4. But no, it didn't end there, and you knew it. At 4:30, I was at work and didn't get off until 6. You? You got up at 6 leave for work at 8:30, to be at work by 9 and you were off at 5, home at 5:30. I had eleven and a half hour days, you only had nine hour days. And that's not even taking into consideration my homework.
So I'm sorry that I didn't help out. And I'm sorry that I wanted to take a nap. Who would have thought that a nap was so wrong that you would yell at my mother for allowing me to take one, and then lecturing me that I should be going to bed earlier than I do so that I wouldn't need a nap. Well news flash dad, I already told you that naps are taken into consideration for your eight hours of sleep recommended by doctors. And you know what, it's NORMAL for teenagers to not be able to fall asleep until midnight. Wow! Ever think that your daughter was NORMAL? No way!
I see that I can only go to you for help when it pertains to my computer. That's ok, I'm used to it now. But please, don't try to enter into my life after all of these years. You screwed up, I don't like dealing with you. So, I'm sorry, but I don't want to talk to you on the phone. And I sure as heck don't want to see you posting on my facebook. Do you even know how weird that is?
So, Dad, here's the news flash. I'm an adult. I don't need your help, nor do I want it. I am capable of helping my mother provide for ourselves. I am going to Planned Parenthood, I am on birth control, and I pay for it myself. I won't ask you for help, ever. I would rather take out a loan than ask you for money. And I'd rather pay for a psychologist than talk to you about my problems. Sorry, that's how life goes. If you wanted it to be different, you should have started sooner.
Dear Mom,
Don't think I left you out of this. I'm 19, I'm independent. I can go to my boyfriends when I want to, because guess what, he's independent too. I'm going to go spend the night with him, and I don't feel like telling you excuses. I'm not going to tell you that I'm going to a friend's house for the night, because that's just stupid. You know I have sex, so it's time to get over it. You know I'm being safe.
Oh, and here's a big one. Please stop telling me that my relationships aren't going to last. Just because you never really fell in love doesn't mean that I won't. I love my boyfriend, I would do anything for him. And the reason why I don't see him much is because his schedule is crazy, not that he's cheating on me. Thank you. And when he says he's spending the day with his mom instead of me, I'm fine with it. Want to know why? Because he wants to have a relationship with her, he loves her, and she loves him. He' not off with another girl when he says that his grandmother came into town, or when he texts me last minute and says that his mom needed him for the day. How do I know this? Because I trust him. I know he won't hurt me, I can feel it. He loves me, just like I love him.
I don't regret having sex with him. And I won't regret it. And here's a news flash mom, sex is enjoyable! I like it, so sue me, if I am not opposed to having sex with my boyfriend. Just because you can't stand to look at my father doesn't mean that I am going to be the same way.
I am not you. We have totally different lives, and I am going to make different decisions from you. You have equipped me with a lot of knowledge, and I am going to use that knowledge in making my decisions in life. So I'm not sorry if I disappoint you. It's something you're going to have to figure out. And I'm not going to live at home forever. As a matter of fact, I like the idea that my boyfriend has about getting a place together by the end of this year. It sounds nice. And it's not wrong for me to want that for myself. It's not wrong to want to be living with my boyfriend at 19. Sure, maybe I'll have to get a roommate, I'll deal with that when the time comes. Just because I don't plan my whole life out doesn't mean I don't have a plan.
Just because I don't do things the way you think I should doesn't mean that I'm doing them wrong. I'm doing them my way, and that's ok.
So, Mom, here's your news flash. I'm not you! Let me screw up once in a while. I'll get it figured out eventually. Just let me do it.
Posts: 46 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2011
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quote:Originally posted by blysse_norwood: JenBug, I'm so very sorry you're going through this. What you're describing is very serious abuse. Would you like help getting in touch with people who can get you out of there? We can do that if you want.
Well, I've tried social services, the police, school councillors, child protection at my school and local borough. Noone is able to help me more than say 'at this stage all that can be done is for you to see a councillor'. They didn't even put me on the CP register. If you can think of anything else I can try/do/get in contact with, I'd be super glad to give it a go. Thank you
-------------------- -x- JenBug24 -x- Posts: 43 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Jan 2011
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-------------------- "Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy Posts: 5308 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004
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Ok, so you're in an area where you likely have access to quite a few different services. One thing it doesn't sound like you've tried yet is getting in touch with any organisations that serve LGBT youth specifically - they often have some fantastic resources around helping people out of abusive situations.
The Albert Kennedy Trust looks like a good place to start, and they have links and phone numbers for a bunch of other resources you can try as well.
In addition to that organisation, there's a more general page of resources here: Support Line - Resources which you may find useful.
Phoning any of the resources listed will help you get in touch with someone who can advocate for you and help you make a report to the police or social services. I've also put a call out on our twitter feed about this, so if any of our contacts in the UK have any suggestions, I'll be sure to add them here.
-------------------- "Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy Posts: 5308 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004
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So I've heard back from a couple of people on twitter, and they've suggested contacting either PACE or GALOP, both of which are located in London.
Give those orgs a try, and if they don't have any help for you, get back to us and we'll see what else we can do, okay?
-------------------- "Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy Posts: 5308 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Karybu: So I've heard back from a couple of people on twitter, and they've suggested contacting either PACE or GALOP, both of which are located in London.
Give those orgs a try, and if they don't have any help for you, get back to us and we'll see what else we can do, okay?
Thank you! I will have a look later today.
-------------------- -x- JenBug24 -x- Posts: 43 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Jan 2011
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posted
As I walked to my father’s car, I saw a bunch of kids hanging out, sitting on the curb and in a car, with food and a Big Gulp or something on the car roof, laughing and talking. They looked like a bunch of delinquents, or like a group of friends. I smiled. I walked over and got into my father’s car. “Those must be the gems of [your high school],” he said grimly. I scowled mentally.
Because you drive a good car and you have all this life experience and you listen to classical and jazz, Pink Floyd and Beethoven, because you work at a prosperous company with a steady, high-paying job, because you disapprove of swearing and drinking, because you read Nation and you think you’ve learned to take every view, you think you’re better? You think you’re superior to these kids? You think they’re delinquents?
You know what? It ain’t these kids, wasting their lives having fun, knowing the value of friendship, who need to spend some time in an educational community service program. It’s you, wasting your life in a 9-to-5 job with a family whose lives you don’t know about, thinking about what’s wrong with the world and what should be different, sending money but never seeing how people live, who needs to spend 10 hours a week with the masses. It’s you who needs to have the experience of finding out that yeah, you are being elitist, if not how the Republicans would say. It’s you who needs to learn that they ain’t inferior at all, just different, and in a lot of good ways. It’s you who needs to spend long enough with the delinquent kids to see that they have lives, in a way the good kids don’t. You think they have no idea what they’re getting themselves into, that they’re going to have a shock when they enter the “real world” without a good education, but guess what? These are the kids that already live in the real world, who are left behind and treated by people like you like they don’t know anything when they’re faced with the reality of broken families and substance abuse and crime and taking care of elderly parents on food stamps -- yeah, those are these kids, not some romantic idea of bony little kids in poverty organization ads saying “feed us,” but these kids with some weed and a lot of profane vocabulary, and the fact that they can laugh so “ignorantly” and smile with their friends and blast some rap and snicker at you is ******* awesome. It’s win. That’s right, some bad words and teen slang right thar. They got spirit, man, and you’ve lost it.
Yeah, those gems of my high school, hallelujah, I’m a bum. I think I’d like to be them instead. But not permanently, cause god, the stuff they’ve had to deal with.
Break out of your elitist shell. Listen to Pink Floyd, Beethoven, and Lady Gaga. Stop trying to be hipster, Mom and Dad, it’s not nearly as cool as being open-minded.
-------------------- the sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead Posts: 26 | From: New Mexico | Registered: Dec 2010
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Dear all parents: stop assuming you know what's best for your kids or that you understand them better than anyone else does. Just because you think that having all your genital parts or masturbation or premarital sex or being LGTBQUIA or using contraception or STI prevention methods or having an abortion is wrong, does not mean those things are wrong. Stop thinking that because you choose not to do those things or are not those things yourself that makes it o.k. to tell/coerce/make/force any born homosapien under 18 not to do/be/have them, or punish them for doing/being/having them and don't act like the house they live in isn't just as much theirs as yours. They don't get to stop you from having sex in the house (they legally cannot) and you don't get to stop them either (and I am referring to both solo and partnered sex). If your religion is opposed to any of these things, that is irrelevant as they do not have to follow your religion, if you believe they are wrong on the basis of culture or anything else, they have no obligation to follow your unevidenced beliefs. They own their body, they are an autonomous being, and they have the right to be given science based education that informs them about their rights and their body and sexuality and science and maths and languages and literature (and they should not have their reading material narrowly restricted, whether it's Huck Finn or a book with LGBT characters that doesn't condemn them or a book that talks about sex without presenting abstinence until marriage as the only acceptable or right choice or a book that was written by an atheist that has an atheistic viewpoint or whatever else you have in mind to start a protest against), and history and geography and politics and which gives them the opportunity to do art and music and performing arts and sport.
-------------------- Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see. Posts: 819 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2008
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To some people I've interacted with recently:
Does it seriously not occur to you that maybe the reason you're having difficulty in your life is less because you're female than because every time I've seen you you've been acting like whiny, petty, catty, self-obsessed hypocrites?
Posts: 419 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2007
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(Last post was not directed at anyone on here - sorry if it was unclear.)
More recently, to some people who know who they are:
Screw you. Just screw you. Enough with the "lol his writing sux", A MAN DIED. Whether you like him or not, it's not funny.
Posts: 419 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2007
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Looks as though it's been a few months since the last post...but... I just told my dad I'm a lesbian.
So Dad,
Good to know you're disappointed. Then you say you still love me... After telling me that homosexuality was considered a disease- something that's wrong in the brain. Then you tell me they(whoever they are) fought the disease idea with calling it a lifestyle choice. Do you realize I didnt choose this? WHY THE HELL WOULD I CHOOSE TO PUT MYSELF THROUGH SUCH MISERY, DAD?!
Then you compare it to I thinknits called beastiality.... How are they the same? I know where you were going with that comment. I also heard the pure disgust in you're voice when you said it that night at dinner. Do I digust you dad? I know you're disappointed. That's all I can think about. That's why when I can sleep, it's only after I've worn myself without crying. I'm proud to be who I am and I'm just thankful that I have friends that support me because if I didn't then I wouldn't be sleeping under you're roof anymore- and no I don't mean running away from home
-------------------- Call me what you will but I think you should know, I only answer to my name. Posts: 37 | From: Memphis | Registered: Mar 2011
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posted
(Just a reminder to all of you posting here that is likely stating the obvious: if you want to come talk about any of this with any of us, you're always welcome to post about what you're posting in this thread elsewhere, too.)
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63244 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
Just found out some new stuff, and just needed to get it out.
Dear Granny, You've been not quite a friend, you put down my mother (your own daughter) and my brother, who I can hardly stand sometimes but even I know you were being rude, too many times to be a friend, but you've been my grandma for nineteen years now. And you were pretty cool, for a grandma. You gave me the change from the newspaper rack if I went along with you and rolled papers and helped deliver them. For that matter, you let me go along and roll papers and help deliver them. You learned to tolerate me reading Harry Potter, after a couple years of repeatedly explaining that I know it's fictional and I'm not going to try to use Crucio on my brother (although I might jokingly point a finger at the light switch and say "Lumos", but only when there's a cat asleep on my chest). And you stopped smoking. It took a long time, including a brief but terrible point where you kept suckers in the car and wouldn't let me have any because you needed them when you wanted to smoke. And then I found out just a few days ago that you're a bible-thumper, that you thought about replying to my friend's status, where he asked if we thought that he was going to hell for being gay. I told him exactly what I thought, that no God who is so loving would send someone to hell for loving. And you were going to post, because you had a definite opinion and I was wrong because of course, you've read the Bible, and for my friend to love men is wrong, full stop. And then, of course, I had posted a reply to a post by Scarleteen, about a camp that tries to turn gay men straight. And you asked my mom what it was about, and told her how she shouldn't be letting her daughter on a site like that. A bunch of my friends are gay. Michelle is a lesbian, and so is Hope. Even Cisi is a lesbian. Michelle is a christian, and Hope even more so. Hope is the girl who goes to church every Sunday, and Wednesdays for youth meetings, and she knows every word of the songs they sing and she sings them with all she has. She has spina bifida, easily 90% of her posts on facebook have something to do with thanking God for her being able to walk, and his wonderful intervention in her life and all he has done for her. She didn't come out to anyone until she prayed that if loving women was a sin, that he should cure her of it. And then she pointed out when she came out to everyone that humans are not to judge, that God is to judge. She is an amazing woman, and she's a lesbian. And my friend from earlier? He's gay, yeah. He's pretty fun to hang out with. He thinks Lady Gaga is awesome, but I suppose there's no accounting for taste. And I love country music, scream along to the girl-power songs, buy and dress in the frilliest, girliest clothes I can find (blue, yeah, but I don't like pink very much), and I'm a lesbian. With a bit of a crush on Michelle, actually. You are not God. He will judge me, not you. And congratulations, because you've just snipped the last bit of familial bond that made me like you. If you think I'm evil and wrong, you obviously don't care to associate with me. I'd hate to make you speak to someone so tainted, just so you could tell me how wrong I am.
off on a tangent- Dear mom/granny, Why is it when you saw that I was friends with Scarleteen, and you went to the website, you assumed I was getting interested in sex? I honestly want to know. You couldn't take the time to read anything about it, otherwise you'd see that this site is so much more than sex, it's body education, it's sexual orientation and gender identity and relationship concerns. You couldn't bring yourself to ask me, otherwise I might have told you that I've been interested in sex since I was about 12, that I've got a profile on a dating site (without real-life info or photos, of course, because I'm paranoid) as gay and single, that I have a crush on the girl who has been my best friend and big sister since I was ten, and that I might be into BDSM, I'm not totally sure. I might have told you that I found Scarleteen when I was searching for LGBTQ support, but I told you someone on that other forum told me about it. Just like anytime something happened on Scarleteen that I really wanted to mention, I either kept my mouth shut, or said someone on that other forum, the parent-safe one, said it.
I ripped out the pages of the notebook I loaned you that have my emotions trapped in them with ink on a white page. I wrote down my websites, usernames and secret words for every site I'm on, because if something happens to me, I want you to research me, go on these sites and find out who your daughter really was and what she couldn't tell you. And once again, I'm telling complete strangers things that I can't tell you, because they support me, and you got squeamish and giggled like children hearing "Penis" for the first time when I told you I'd ordered my menstrual cup. For that matter, dad, you treated it like a dirty diaper, once you realized what it was. I must say, even if it wasn't so great, it would've been worth the 35 dollars just to see how uncomfortable you got.
(Although, props to you, mom. You freaked about it, but admitted that the little cotton bag was cute. I'm proud of you. And I hate to break it to you, but no matter how far in that thing gets, I'm comfortable enough with my vagina that I'll be able to reach it to remove it. Just because you're still squeamish about yours, doesn't mean I am. I was discovering myself and finding resources to help me when I didn't even have a use for menstrual supplies)
Posts: 173 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2010
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I feel much better now ^.^
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