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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Crushed...

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Member # 37553

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 year and 8 months (exactly today) and I was doing my biology homework and it was about STD's and stuff and it said to prevent it by checking your partners sexual history. Well, i began to think about it and we have never really talked about it before, I mean i knew he had sex with his high school girlfriend and I am still a virgin but thats about it. So, I decided I would ask him about it, not worrying but just to make sure, if it wasn't just that 1 he would have told me right? WRONG! I asked him and he told me there was 1 other girl 1 other heart dropped how could he have kept this from me for so long? I am so torn up inside, it took me so long to get over the fact that he wasn't a virgin and I wouldn't be his first but now I wont even be his second. This means so much to me and he says he regrets it and he is sorry for not telling me and if he could take everything back he would. I know he means it and I really love him but I feel like he has been leading me on this whole time to make me believe there was only 1. I lost so much trust and respect for him i dont know what to do.I dont know how to move pass this. I dont think anything will ever be the same...
Please help! Any Advice??

Posts: 7 | From: ohio | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Have you seen this yet?

It's written for a male user, but the advice I gave him is what I'd basically tell anyone on these issues.

Too, while a partner being dishonest is never really excusable, if you two haven't ever really talked about history until this late in the game, it might have felt difficult for him to put it out there (though it should be noted that knowing history isn't actually a protection against STIs: only safer sex practices accomplish that). As well, if you gave the impression that already, his having another partner before you was a problem -- and that's tricky, since it's a problem he has no power to fix -- he might also have felt less able to be honest with you. If a partner makes clear or gives the impression that something in our past just isn't okay with them, knowing we can't change our past, it can be a pretty rough thing to deal with.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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