Donate Now
Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » spina bifida and sex isnt possible

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: spina bifida and sex isnt possible
disappointed
Neophyte
Member # 38130

Icon 1 posted      Profile for disappointed     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I am 27 and have spina bifida and also confined to a wheelchair

I can maintain an erection with injections but even hours later of attempted masturbation and even 5 attempts of sex but they all failed because I didnt ejaculate

so obviously sex is still not possible because if the ejaculation problem sex is still not possible and its disappointing me.

I was wondering if there any other people with spina bifida males out there that have this problem and how have you fixed the problem so you can have sex and if you couldnt fix it how did you tell your girl friend that sex wasn't possible with you.

Posts: 2 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Stephanie_1     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
One of the most important things I think for you to note right now is a change in mindset and tactics would be helpful. It’s not uncommon for any person at any time and for any reason just not to be able to orgasm. And you may ask … What if I just CAN'T orgasm? Then you just can't right now, and that's totally okay. Sex isn't about orgasm, it's really about pleasure. Honestly, it’s very difficult to experience pleasure when you’re more worried about the end product than what’s happening in the here and now.

That in mind – it’s not uncommon to find that men and women alike with Spina Bifida find that they may be less able to experience orgasms. This certainly doesn’t mean that you can’t have a healthy and happy sexual relationship- through masturbation or with a partner. In preparation for this possibility, it might be a good idea to talk this through with your partner. If this is an issue, then you should both try to hone in on the sensations themselves and not orgasm.

It’s also important to note that orgasms have a tendency to be a little gun shy. If you’re trying to focus just on them then they will tend to hide. But as long as you’re focused on making sex feel good rather than the end result – and of course have an open and honest relationship where you can talk about sex and exactly what each of you need – then you’re set.

--------------------
"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3426 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I want to be sure, too, you are remembering that sex is a whole body experience, not just genital -- and that it also is not just intercourse. People with disabilities can often still have some kinds of sex, even if intercourse is difficult, challenging or impossible.

One book I'd strongly suggest is "The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability." It's a FANTASTIC resource, and includes things like helps for talking to partners and coming up with solutions and kinds of sex that do specifically work for you both together. You might also want to ask your doctor to help connect you with some other resources, like a sex specialist for you, a support group for you and your partner, etc.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67925 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
disappointed
Neophyte
Member # 38130

Icon 1 posted      Profile for disappointed     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
sorry for the late response

I have tried other things other than sexual intercourse and they very pleasureable but led know where,I end up just giving up and leaving because I didnt get what I wanted out of it which is an ejaculation at the end

I guess this all stems from the fact that I want to have children one day and that dream was just squashed.I refuse to go through those fertility treatments or adopt.

I did read that book you were talking about but like every other website I have been it only gave me sugar coated answers on how to avoid sexual intercourse.

but thank you for your help.

Posts: 2 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bernzomatic
Neophyte
Member # 37917

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Bernzomatic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Totally try the Disaboom forums, http://www.disaboom.com/forums/588.aspx

It's a community for folks with conditions like your spina bifida, spinal cord injures and stuff, there's GREAT advice in the posts and there are folks in relationships who explain their solutions if you ask. And since most everyone posting is either disabled or in love with (or trying to seduce!) someone who's disabled there's a really down to earth attitude.

Posts: 12 | From: USA | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I just want to make sure that there is no perception of endorsed tokenism in this thread.

In other words, the idea that making a fetish out of someone's disability, size, race, etc. and presenting it as acceptance, if and when that's happening, is something we'd be on board with at Scarleteen.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67925 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3