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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Relationship=Sexual assault?

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Author Topic: Relationship=Sexual assault?
Jordyn
Neophyte
Member # 34585

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My story is long. I went to a party at a boys(d) house. At that party i got drunk,and . . . an older guy,D's friend, touched me. I didnt say yes, i didnt say no, but i played it off after someone walked into the room while it was happening. That was when i got away. The rest of the night i told one friend the truth and told everyone else that it was consentual. I cut myself really bad that night and stayed at D's house. This "sexual assault" happened in D's room in his bed. I stayed the night in D's bed (no sex, i was still a virgin) After that, the next few nights, i had nightmares, had tosleep with my mom. I still have reoccurring nightmares but not so much anymore. I have this pain inside me that never goes away, ive learned to be completley normal, but i do have this pain in the back of me, and i feel like its my faulthe touched me, cause i did flirt with him, i didnt move when he sat next to me,i didnt say no,but yet i feel like i was violated or something, but at the same time i feel like i wasnt and im just making a big deal out of nothing. I feel like i have some mental illness where i need attention so i pretend that i feel violated, but i really do feel violated. Well almost two years later and D is my boyfriend, we started the relationship before the incidint in his house in his rtoom, and we started dating months later. Ive spent the night in that room, in that bed. Ive had sex in that bed, ate, read, talked, sat, watched tv in that bed in that room. One time during sex i saw the "violater" standing in the room. I think i started to hyperventalate. Its happened once more after that. and i go to his house 3 times a week, and the incident comes up in my mind and kills me at least 1 a week. But is this relationship eith D hurting me because hes so connected to it? Is it bad for me to be doing all theses things in that bed in that room? HELP!

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*My darkened world is sealed shut. Seeing your beautiful smile opens it up.*

-The Love Of My Life

Posts: 28 | From: MN | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orca
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

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Oh sweetie, it's not at all your fault that he touched you. Flirting with someone doesn't give them any rights to you or over you. You aren't making a big deal out of nothing either. You have every right to feel violated. Have you told anyone about this? Do you feel like you could?

It sounds like that room has become a trigger for you, that it brings up the memory of what happened. It might be a good idea to just step away from sexual activity for a while, maybe start inviting your boyfriend over to your house instead of going to his if that's possible. I think if you do that it may help you to separate your boyfriend from that incident.

Is therapy something you think you'd be comfortable with? Or do you think you could at least call up a hotline to help deal with some of this? If you let us know where about Minnesota you are, we can help you find some resources. You can either post that on here or use the contact us link at the bottom of the page to send us an email.

[ 03-23-2008, 03:34 AM: Message edited by: orca ]

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jordyn
Neophyte
Member # 34585

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I talked to someone at the Minnesota Sexual Assault something for a while,and that was nice, but i didnt see how it helped. Idk i think i can deal with it by myself, its been 2 years sooo . . . i just wanted to know if dating him could be effecting the way i feel or something

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*My darkened world is sealed shut. Seeing your beautiful smile opens it up.*

-The Love Of My Life

Posts: 28 | From: MN | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Jordyn, is it still this relationship that you're in, and if so, does it still have some of those dynamics, as well as you two often being in this house?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jordyn
Neophyte
Member # 34585

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Another question, I am obsessed with rape. Ever since the incident, thats what I have been like, obsessed with rape, and i lookede up where he lived and tried to find him on myspace, facebook, msn. I dont know why so do you?

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*My darkened world is sealed shut. Seeing your beautiful smile opens it up.*

-The Love Of My Life

Posts: 28 | From: MN | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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