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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Is It Weird?

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Author Topic: Is It Weird?
Member # 37484

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My situation is a bit complicated. Iím a 24 year old male and have never had sex with anyone before. I was in some relationships in the past but they ended up without sexual intercourse. Actually it wasnít my choice, just didnít happen and there are no problems with my desire. When I talk to some of my friends they think Iím kidding because lots of them had their first sex when they were 17-18, at least most of them have had it before. It makes me feel weird and bad when I see their reactions and started to question myself about it. Also I feel depressed and underestimated sometimes and maybe it can be related to that bad feeling and desire.

I donít have any negative thoughts about sex but just want to experience that special thing with a special person for me, just donít know when it will be. On the other hand, some people think that Iíll feel more confident, relaxed, happy and experienced if I have my first sex now with someone even itís not my girlfriend etc. Is it weird and abnormal thing to be a male virgin at my age? Your help would be really appreciated.

Posts: 1 | From: m.e. | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 37371

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There really is no "right" time to have sex for the first time -- the right time is different for everyone. So, it's definitely not weird or abnormal to be a virgin at 24, or at any age for that matter. In the long run you might even be glad to have your first time at 24 or older because now you will have the benefit of maturity and perspective that you might not have had a few years ago. For example, communication is a really important part of having a good sex life and you are more prepared to be a good communicator now than you were before. And, it would not surprise me if your future partner sees your virginity as a benefit. Try not to stress about when the first time will happen ... when it arrives enjoy it (and remember to practice safer sex).
Posts: 47 | From: San Francisco, CA | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

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There is *absolutely nothing wrong* with someone not being ready for sex at any age, with any partner, or in any particular situation. When someone is initially ready for sex is going to vary from one person to another Ė which is honestly understandable considering we all lead different lives that come with separate experiences, our own needs, sexual ethics, etc. And ultimately it isnít about what your friends have done or how old they were when they chose to. Itís about you being ready and your potential partner being ready and knowing how to be safe with whatever you choose to do at any given time. For some people being ready may be at 13 or 15, for others itíll happen in their 20s, for others itíll be later than that. (And a little secret Ė first time intercourse isnít all the rave itís set up to be. Heatherís story Is THAT All There Is gives a real good reaction I think.) Iíve attached some other articles that I think you may find helpful - but just know that there's nothing abnormal about what you're describing. It should be up to you to decide when you're personally ready [Smile]

21 And Not Ready?
Sex Readiness Checklist
First Intercourse 101

"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Blue Koi
Member # 39785

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Seems like you know why you don't want to have sex yet and that you have held on to being true to yourself despite doubts that other people have been giving you, so I say throw out what they say! Don't let them bother you! I believe it is not "weird or abnormal" to be a virgin at 24, but I think that you are an exceptional case because you did not cave into other people's opinions! Congratulations. I really admire you for that. Thanks for being inspiration for everyone! There's probably someone who will read this post in your position, and he will not feel as alone knowing that you have the guts to stick to your beliefs.

"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."

Posts: 171 | From: USA/CHINA | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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