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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » self-mutilation, cant get a therapist.

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Author Topic: self-mutilation, cant get a therapist.
defied
Neophyte
Member # 36539

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so im not really sure where to post this. but this seemed like a good spot. this is honestly hard for me to write, because im not ready to give this up yet, but i think its getting out of control.

For the last 6 or 7 months i think ive been self-mutilating. i use to cut, but ive stopped that. but i cannot stop pulling my hair out. (not the hair on my head but just the hair on the rest of my body)
saturday night i had very high anxiety. so once everyone left my house, i got out one of those food hammers that you use to crush up hard food (basically a smaller hammer) & a 8 lbs. weight just started pounding on the metatarsals on my left foot. part of my foot turned black/purple & my foot was extremely bruised & swollen. i told my parents & brother that i was working out & accidentally dropped an 10 lbs. weight on my foot. they believed me, & my mom thought that it was broken. so she took me to the ER all the nurses & doctors thought it might be broken. turns out that it wasnt. which is good. i guess. but now i have a new obesession with pounding random body parts with hard things & seeing bruises on my body.

Also some days my mood just gets crazy. Not like mean. But ill just get completely silent for a few days - 2 weeks. Then I'll be back to normal.
I dont know if this is depression but for those few days to a week, ill just have high anxiety. Those are the days that i usually end up hurting myself the worst too.

I know i probably need a therapist. & i wouldnt mind talking to one actually. But the hardest part is...telling my parents. I have a feeling that theyd be crushed if i told them. I'm supposed to be the 'good' kid. The baby. I have my whole future planned out...i'll be a dancer & a pilates instructor. I have a final pilates test coming up soon & i really dont want to be a pilates instructor. It makes good money, but i just dont want to do it. But my mom would be mad. Whenever i talk about how ill probably fail the test she gets mad & says that she paid a lot of money for the class so i have to pass. I think this is one of the things that gives me the highest anxiety.
I think my mom suspects my depression during my silent periods, but afterwards i just tell her that i was extremely tired.
I can't tell any of my friends about the self-mutilation either. I cant tell anybody.
Is there a way to cope with all of this by myself?..without telling my parents that i need a therapist.

[ 01-14-2008, 02:32 AM: Message edited by: definedhearts ]

Posts: 25 | From: California | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Honey, if you are hurting yourself in this way, it's not something you'll just be able to fix by yourself. The thing about self-injury is that it's really a symptom of something else. A professional counselor can help you figure out why you are hurting yourself and then to work through that so you can stop hurting yourself.

It may be that you are suffering from some form of depression (you mention those mood swings and your 'silent periods' when you don't want to see anyone) and it might be that you're just feeling really pressured to enter a profession you're not interested in (and you know, our future and our careers are pretty important stuff, so feeling like you can't do what is best for you can be very tough).

So, what can you do? You can be honest with your parents, tell them you think you need therapy, and ask them to help you find a therapist. That's a really uncomfortable conversation to have, but in the end it's always better to be honest. If you're not ready to talk about your self-injury, you can at least explain that you've been having mood swings and feeling depressed and would like to see someone.

If you do not want to tell your parents, or think that it would not go over well at all, then you can still try to find a counselor on your own. You can search for addresses in the phone book, or you can call a local crisis hotline to ask for local resources.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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defied
Neophyte
Member # 36539

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if i was going to look for a counselor on my own, & i actually found one, would there be a way that i could pay for it on my own without needing insurance?
..im jobless at the moment.

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September
Scarleteen Volunteer
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You would have to look for places that charge on a sliding scale. Those do exist, but they can be tricky to find, especially if you're not in or near a larger city. But you can definitely ask specifically for places like that when you call around.

Of course, if you do have some savings somewhere, you can go to a regular counselor and pay out of your own pocket. It's just more expensive that way.

(Do your parents have insurance that you can use? Maybe that would be a reason to work together with your parents on this!)

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
defied
Neophyte
Member # 36539

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ok. thanks.
yeah my parents have insurance..its just really hard to tell them. i've never been able to tell anybody anything about my personal life.

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-Firefly-
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I understand how hard it can be to share personal things, definedhearts. Would it help you to show them what you wrote here, instead of actually having to say the words?

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Vero
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defied
Neophyte
Member # 36539

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Um im not sure.. Ill think about it If I do end up talking to my parents, I'll probably only tell them about my depression. Not my self-mutilation.
But if I get a counselor & tell him/her about what I've done to myself will they tell my parents anyways?

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diamonds4lucy
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A counselor can only share what you've told them if they believe you are an immediate danger to yourself or others.

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hs123
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If you are under eighteen, it's true that a counselor can only share what you've said if you are in danger, or a danger to someone else. But they can tell your parents what's going on with you... For example, if you say to your counselor, I'm depressed because of this this this and this... A counselor can tell your parents your condition--- such as she's suffering from depression... They cannot share your actual words, or exactly what you've told them--- But they have the right to update your parents about your condition.
If you are eighteen+... without consent they cannot say anything...

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defied
Neophyte
Member # 36539

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Ok. Thank you. I'm still trying to work up the courage to ask my parents for a counselor. But hopefully it's soon though.
Also, this may sound like a stupid question, but does anyone know what they'll do to help me get over self-mutilation? Do they have to send me anywhere?...i actually wouldn't mind at all.

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diamonds4lucy
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Definedhearts- What you and your therapist decide to do as treatment really depends on your particular situation. It could be anywhere from learning alternative coping skills and cognitive behavior therapy to hospitalization if needed. There's a whole spectrum of treatment options.

You've already made the first really difficult step by deciding that you have a problem, and need help. Your parents love you and only want the best for you- I know it's difficult, but approaching them and saying that you need to see a therapist is something that, while they may not show it, they want you to do. Don't worry about disappointing them.

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I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. -Douglas Adams.

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Posts: 446 | From: Seattle | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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