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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Is sex overrated or is it just me?

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Author Topic: Is sex overrated or is it just me?
sher2007
Neophyte
Member # 34025

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The reason why I ask this question is because I have several SO-CALLED FRIENDS who keep telling me that I need to get laid. Not only that, but it is as if they are so worried about whehter or not I am having sex with someone because every guy that I meet or talk to, they always want to know if me and him did anything or why I did not do anything with him. Really, I can careless what they think because I am not going to sleep with someone just because my SO-CALLED friends think I need to. The thing that annoys me the most is the fact that these people act as if I should sleep with every guy I meet just because they feel the need to sleep with anybody and everybody. I don't feel the need to sleep with anybody or everybody in order for them to have anything to do with me. To me, there is more to life than just getting laid. Also, there is also more to having fun other than getting laid or doing something sexual.
Posts: 6 | From: Kansas City | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Sex you don't want to have for you and the partner you're with is pretty much always beyond even just overrated, it's dehumanizing for everyone.

Is sex that's wanted, by both parties, FOR both parties overrated? Well, that depends on what that sex was like, what those people's expectations were, etc. When sex is what two people want, and they really connect and enjoy each other, then no, it tends to be pretty darn nice, and sometimes pretty darn awesome. But whether wanted sex is overrated or not is a nonissue here because you aren't expressing a desire to have sex with someone.

But I think you've already identified what the issue is here: sounds like your peer group is looking to you to sort of justify their own choices, and that's never fair for anyone to do to anyone else, with anything. If THEY are only having sex with others because of peer pressures or expectations, it's likely it's not the best sex ever, and so they may well not feel so great about it. But any of that is their stuff to manage, not yours.

Since it sounds like you're pretty confident and clear in your own wants and needs, and not about to cater to someone else's, I am a bit unlclear on what you're asking for hep with, though. Do you need in help in telling them to lay off (no pun intended) you? Or perhaps in expanding your social circle so that you have some friends who aren't pulling this with you?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sher2007
Neophyte
Member # 34025

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I sometimes feel as if I do not fit the norm whatever that is because just about everyone I know is having sex and they are so worried about why I am not. Sometimes, I also think that there is something wrong with me because I am not having sex just like everyone else. Believe me I tell them that I don't feel the need to sleep with anybody for them to keep having anything to do with me. The thing is that they do not understand me, it is as if I am talking to a brick wall when I explain this to them. Not only that, but I tell them not to worry about it. They do not understand that either. Then again, why should I have to justify why I make certain choices regarding my sex life? Also, this kind of issue with my so-called friends makes want to put them down for their sexual choices but that does not solve anything. Really, I just need other opinions to see why I think the way I do.
Posts: 6 | From: Kansas City | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, it sounds to me like you might need to expand your circle of friends then to include friends who do NOT pressure you to make their choices for yourself.

Even if (and it's unlikely, really) every possible friend you could have is sexually active, that doesn't mean every one of those people will behave the way your current friends are about it.

I don't know what you're looking for per why you think the way you do, because the way you're thinking is healthy and sensible. There's no big mysterious why per why someone would only want to have sex with a partner FOR them and their partner and WHEN they do strongly feel that desire. I think the bigger why to look for here might be why your social circle is so suceptible to peer pressures about it and so inclined to exert them.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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