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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » feeling anger/being paranoid after rape/abuse

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Author Topic: feeling anger/being paranoid after rape/abuse
cool87
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I wanted to know if this was normal to have a phase where you feel anger after a rape/abuse and sorta like paranoia too. Like anger towards older men and feeling that the reason they come to talk to you is just because they want to sleep with you. And I'll be on the defensive or scared if they come to talk to me. Sometimes I'll walk away without saying anything.

And sometimes this make me feel disgusted or I'll be really angry towards them. Like older men dating younger girls just makes me vomit. That just disgust me a lot.

Is this common ? I guess I just want to be reassured this is normal. I know I have a counselor but I'm just not there yet with her so that's why I'm asking you guys and I hope that is okay.

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Heather
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Really, one'd hope we'd all feel angry at some point. It doesn't make sense to never be angry that someone brutalized you, you know?

And often the reason why it takes longer for anger to happen is because so many rape and sexual abuse survivors hear themselves balmed so much and internalize that.

But I do think it's sage to just watch where you're directing at, and be sure you aren't blaming a group for something an individual did. With my gang assault when I was 12, for instance, the boys involved were all of color.

But that doesn't mean I have just cause to mistrust or be angry with people of color: I have just cause to mistrust or feel angry with THOSE guys.

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cool87
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Yeah I know, it makes sense. But it's like stronger than me sometimes I guess. This is probably something that will get better over time.

Thanks !

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Heather
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I really think that that's okay, and personally 9and most experts agree) I think it's a pretty vital part of healing.

Once we're able to get angry, we're clearly starting to blame the person or situation which SHOULD be blamed, rather than ourselves, and that's healthy. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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cool87
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Yeah I agree even if I doubt, personnally, though there really is such thing as healing when it comes to talking about a rape/abuse.

[ 10-31-2007, 05:04 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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Heather
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Well, there really is, as lots of us can testify to. I mean, I get feeling like you might not get there, but doubting that anyone can isn't so sensible, since there are plenty of us sitting right here who can speak to healing.

I suggested this book for someone the other day, but in case you didn't see it, you might want to see if you can't hunt down a copy of "Strong at the Heart: How It Feels to Heal from Sexual Abuse," by Carolyn Lehman.

It might be of use to you, especially when you're still at the point where it's tough to take steps to heal, like by talking to your therapist about your abuse.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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cool87
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Why do you get a feeling like I might not get there ?

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Heather
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I didn't say that at all.

I said I understood YOU feeling like you might not.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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cool87
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Oh, sorry. Thanks for making that clear.

May I ask, while you're there, like how many years of counseling this might take ? I know it's not really good to look at it from that angle and that it might differ a lot from one person to the next but like just to get an idea...

[ 10-31-2007, 05:20 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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Heather
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Honestly, no one can answer that, because it depends so much on each person. But for a lot of folks, even just getting a START by voicing it to a counselor is a big help all by itself.

But we can safely say that if you never really start, it's kind of a moot point. [Smile]

I know for myself, if I was insured, I'd be in therapy nonstop: I'm just one of those people who finds counseling helpful even when I'm not in any sort of crisis. But I also know that even with just a few sessions with a counselor per abuse stuff when I was younger that those alone made a pretty huge difference.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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cool87
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Alright. And yeah I've started...all over again...but maybe at least this time it'll be better. I haven't actually gotten to the rape stuff yet but that's a start nonetheless. [Smile] Gotta take small steps.

Thanks !

[ 10-31-2007, 05:44 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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