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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » scared of parents

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Author Topic: scared of parents
christina9
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Hi...well today is my 20th birthday and it is by far the worst one I have ever had..right now, my eyes are swollen from a night of no sleep and crying.

Yesterday morning I was getting ready for * my birthday celebration day * as my boyfriend called it , everything was going well and I had a wonderful time. He invited my friends , we went to a really expensive restaurant ( which made me feel quite uncomfterbal , because you really have to watch your manners ), all in all i had a great time.

I love my boyfriend with all my heart and I cannot live without him, he is everything to me , I have known him for 5 years and we are in a very serious relationship.

My boyfriend celebrated my bday yesterday because he knew that i would celebrate it with my parents today.

The thing is that my parents do not approve of him.Why? no he does not smoke , does not take drugs , he goes to school and has a really stable job , he is not possesive and he treats me right , he loves me and shows it everyday.Why? because of his nationality and religion...it is different from mine!..i am orthodox christian and he's indou...wow!

Now I have hidden my relationship from my parents , when they asked me to break up I told them I would..but I never did, I could not stand the idea of loosing him because of someone elses choice...Yesterday , i dont know how , my parents started having the doubt that i was with him when i was actually out with him and my friends...My mom called me and ordered me to come back home..i cried knowing something was wrong and also because it ruined my birthday night..I came back home and my mom started telling me how i cant be with him and that im a liar, my dad took my cell phone and hit me the first time with his hand and then with a broom stick...i started shaking and not crying but screaming and crying , not because it hurt , but because my heart was in pain...

Im really a daughter you would want to have..i never touched drugs in my entire life not even a cigarette!, i go to school and study hard , i work , im very nice and open to people , i never judge....the only thing thats wrong with me , is who i love....and they make me feel like im a bad person when deep inside i know im not....I dont know what to do , I really need help , I cant talk to them and I will never break up with my bf...they cant force me to love someone else just because of a nationality , am i right?...plz help (sorry for the long text)

Posts: 111 | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
joz_12345
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ok sounds like your parents are totally over reacting they should just be happy for you but theres not much i can suggest unless say one of them isnt as bothered as the other then maybe they could make the other see sense or is there anyone in your family who could open there eyes for you so that they can see your happy and thats all that should matter

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Joz_12345

Posts: 19 | From: Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
christina9
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i dont have family in canada except for my parents...and it seems like both are on the same boat:(
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joz_12345
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not sure then , you need to stick up for your self you are 20 years old your a women so its your decision what you do about them

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Joz_12345

Posts: 19 | From: Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
yohopanda
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joz, obviously sticking up for herself isn't going to work in this case. They told her to break up with him, but she didn't. How is that not sticking up for herself? Everyone needs advice now and then, especially a sticky situation such as this. No need to be rude.

Anywho, This is really tough.

If your father is abusing you in anyway, you need to get away from him. There is no excuse for abusive behavior, even in the heat of the moment.

As for the situation at hand, it's very tough to go against your parents, especially if you can't at all understand their side.

No, they can't force you to do anything; you are an adult. It's the feeling of wanting to do right by your parents that is causing this tension, obviously. Not many people want to disappoint their parents.

Do you live with your parents, or are you in college residence halls/apartments? I ask because a stressful home life can result in a number of things going downhill, such as studies, relationships, and work performance. If your home life is beyond stressful, you might want to look into becoming independently housed away from your parents.

I just wanted to tell you that you are not a bad person. There is nothing wrong with loving someone who is culturally/religiously different than you. How boring would it be to only be in relations with people who were just like you!

Posts: 26 | From: California | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
christina9
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Member # 27221

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thank u so much yohopanda! I have actualy considered moving,but i think that it would seperate me from my parents even more and i really do not want to do that , plus my part time job will forsure not pay the rent:P.

I am in college also and im scared that this situation will affect my grades ,but my bf always encourages me to study and not think about it.

Yesterday after this whole fight my dad and i had a long talk and we came to the conclusion that i will never break up and that he will never accept him nor meet him...i guess its ok for now..i will have to worry later on if i one day marry my bf.

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crazymonkey
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if you one day have to marry your bf, you shouldnt have to worry about that. that is your parents' fault if they are still bitter about it to that day. there is nothing wrong with what you are doing and in this case, you are in 100% right. you are the one dating your boyfriend not your parents. isnt what they're doing called beng prejudiced?
Posts: 28 | From: Hawaii | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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