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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » more trouble than i'm worth

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Author Topic: more trouble than i'm worth
hate_sustaining_me
Neophyte
Member # 34212

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it was my fault and it's vital that i remember that and evrything that happened i need to hold tight to it i need that so i don't get careless so it doesn't happen again i need to remember my place i need to remember what i am a twelve year wound .i'll never rid myself of this because this is all i am.i might as well be dead i am so much of a embarrassment to everyone. i'm sorry i made him mad i'm sorry i cried i'm sorry i was so weak i'm sorry i wasn't much fun i'm sorry i was so small.i can feel him in my blood he's all around me inside me. but i let him in i let it happened, he said he needed me and i guess he did but i wish it just hadn't been me. idk what i'm doing anymore. i'm confused yet in a way i know exactly whats wrong. i feel the need to always be on the defence never rest never stop. to attack anyone who opposes me and i'm ruthless in hurting them. i have a problem with everyone either i will fear them or i hate them with a passion. most of the time it's just hate. i'm just being violent to everyone bt mostly to myself.how far is too far? i have so much rage in me i hold a force i can not contain. what the hell is wrong with me.

god i make no sense. i'm sorry idk

Posts: 11 | From: chamber of hysterics | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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In all honesty, when a user is so upset about something that they can't even write out what they're upset about and what they're looking for from us in a coherent way, AND you're expressing enacting violence to others, then things are way out of the realm of online help of any kind.

So, if that's the case, and you are in a state where you don't even feel you make sense to yourself, the only -- and best -- thing we could advise would be for you to seek out in-person medical attention, or a hotline suitable to what the particular source of this is (given what you posted, I am afraid I have no way of surmising what that is, at all) -- as soon as possible.

[ 06-07-2007, 10:56 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hate_sustaining_me
Neophyte
Member # 34212

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i feel confused and alone and hurt and i feel like i'm never gonna get better i'm never gonna get over this i'm never gonna heal i'll never quit cutting i feel used
Posts: 11 | From: chamber of hysterics | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hate_sustaining_me
Neophyte
Member # 34212

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i'm not tryig to be aggresive to anyone
i just find myself being thst way
i just want soem help

Posts: 11 | From: chamber of hysterics | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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And we want to help you get that help, but there is only so much we can do for you online.

Are you able to speak to an adult about this? Your parents? A teacher?

If you ever feel you're an immediate threat to yourself or anyone else, you need to get help as soon as possible, okay? It can't wait. It's important. You can call the police or 911, or have someone take you to the hospital.

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hate_sustaining_me
Neophyte
Member # 34212

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there is no one people dont like me i push them away it's easier that way. but i guees it makes it harder for times like now
it just seems that all that happened was my fault like i keep thinking what could i do what could i've not done

Posts: 11 | From: chamber of hysterics | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Lauren-
Activist
Member # 25983

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Would you like to elaborate just a little on what you're dealing with? Suicidal feelings, depression, substance abuse, grief, domestic violence? If you give us just a bit of an idea, we can find a suitable hotline with trained counselors for you to talk to.

They can help you talk about all of this, process what you're dealing with, and find you places nearby to get help.

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LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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You seem reluctant to tell the whole story here, so it's really hard for us to say much.

If you can't get help from people you know, there should be community agencies in your area that can help you. If you give us your general location (city, state/province), we can help you find something in your area.

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Nursing is a work of heart!
~ unknown

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hate_sustaining_me
Neophyte
Member # 34212

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just forget it i'm not talking to some phone i'm sorry i bothered the board
Posts: 11 | From: chamber of hysterics | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Lauren-
Activist
Member # 25983

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It's no bother at all, but you're going to have to provide us with more information if you truly want help. We're around if you change your mind.
Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hate_sustaining_me
Neophyte
Member # 34212

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i just feel responsible for letting this happen i mean if i hadn't made him so angry it wouldn't have happen it was all my fault. i could've ran to get away from him even if i was little.
Posts: 11 | From: chamber of hysterics | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hate_sustaining_me
Neophyte
Member # 34212

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i'm scared and im just kinda at a ledge here. and it's like what can i do
Posts: 11 | From: chamber of hysterics | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Lauren-
Activist
Member # 25983

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You can get in-person help as soon as possible. You don't seem to want to disclose what you're dealing with so that we can evaluate the situation, and if you're truly this upset/have abuses going on presently, you can simply walk in to the emergency department of your local hospital. If you're truly afraid for your safety or feel on-edge, please strongly consider this.

Help is available, but you have to seek it, okay? I don't understand what kind of support you want otherwise, and you're posting too vaguely for us to even begin to guess.

Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ErinK
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1371

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I'm guessing that someone abused you when you were small? Probably your father or a male relative? There are plenty of resources that we can provide to help you with that, including people you can call and talk to in person.

If that's the case, you can call the RAINN (the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) at (800) 656 - HOPE. It doesn't matter if this happened a long time ago; they can still help you. If you can tell us what state or city you live in, we can also help you find some local resources to get help.

Abuse is not your fault. You did not make this happen. What you can do now is find some people who can support you and help you heal.

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hate_sustaining_me
Neophyte
Member # 34212

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yeahb i was but your wrong it was my fault i mean i was yyoung but i was always a flirt i guess but he was just trying to free me

[ 06-11-2007, 10:20 PM: Message edited by: hate_sustaining_me ]

Posts: 11 | From: chamber of hysterics | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Lauren-
Activist
Member # 25983

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Have you considered getting some help by calling the resources we've provided you, hate_sustaining_me?
Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hate_sustaining_me
Neophyte
Member # 34212

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i can't call anyone cause i'm never alone and to actually have words coem out of my mouth saying this wouldbe horrid i can't let anyone know
Posts: 11 | From: chamber of hysterics | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Lauren-
Activist
Member # 25983

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To be honest, we're starting to doubt you DO want help as you stated. We're willing to listen, we've asked you what exactly you're dealing with (we're still not sure), offered to help you find resources in your area, and advised you to go to your nearest hospital if you feel you have no other choice.

I'm not sure what else you want, and everyone else is doubtless just as confused. If you want support and understanding, you're going to have to help us understand the situation so that we can talk further. We're going to give you the benefit of the doubt; one last time, can you tell us plainly what situation you're talking about, what you need help with, and, if you like, your zipcode so that we can find resources nearby for you to use?

I understand some of this may be difficult for you to talk about, but we really can't help without knowing more, and it's a mutual waste of time otherwise.

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September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Hate_Sustaining_Me: I'd also like to point out that you did not deserve this and most certainly did not ask for this. Just so you understand that. Small children aren't "flirts". And even if they were, that would not give an adult, much less a close relative, the right to exploit that. They're there to protect us, not prey on us. So please, don't let feeling responsible hold you back from getting help. What was done to you was wrong, and you need to talk about it and learn to deal with it so you can get your life together. Please, do make usde of the links Erin provided for you.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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