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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » It's Like A Drug.

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Author Topic: It's Like A Drug.
XArexYouxGothlicX
Activist
Member # 34055

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For me, cutting is like a drug,(just like the topic says.)I try to stop.

It's addicting.

I stopped for about three months, but I just started agian.

I mean, I could just be sitting here thinking. Now, mind you, when I think my mind travels. I could be thinking about the happiest thing in the world, then all of a sudden I want to cut.

My body and my mind needs to see the blood. To feel, and to know that I am alive. It's a coping method.

Yes, I do talk to a shrink, but sometimes that doesn't even help.

My mutter thinks that I have stopped. The sad thing is, is that she doesn't pay enough attention to me to check if there is anything wrong. We never talk.

My father, well doesn't really seem like a father. We barely talk over the phone.

I want to stop, but then I don't. I smile, through my tears, when I see the blood. I love the feeling after. When you get little bumps.

I don't tell anyone that I do it, because that is for attention. (I hate it when people do that.)

I am telling you, (whoever is reading this.)only because I am under a user name. If anyone as advice about this, please feel free to share.

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"It's just me and Da Kurlzz, we're taking over the world."

Posts: 75 | From: Belen, New Mexico | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Lauren-
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I don't understand. You're unwilling to tell anyone you do it because that's "seeking attention", and yet you're upset that your mother doesn't notice? Do you see how you contradict yourself?

In short, it seems you are seeking attention. And you know what? That's what many people who are self-harming are seeking. They ARE hurting inside, they DO want to express that, but they often lack feeling like they can effectively communicate with the people around them, so deep down hope that someone DOES notice, even if nothing is ever said.

People don't deserve to be as scrutinized as they are for "seeking attention" through self-harming; sometimes they feel it's the only way to let others know how they feel.

Is it worth talking over with your counselor about ways to bring this up to your mom and work on communicating with her? Learning to talk to others about what you're dealing with is the first step to stopping the behavior.

Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
XArexYouxGothlicX
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Member # 34055

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I can talk to my friends just fine, about anything.

Yes, I do see where I contradict myself. Let's see if I can try this again.

I understand that, yes people who do self harm are seeking attention. What happens if they never tell anyone, like I do.

That, I guess is what I am confused about.

No. I am upset with the fact that my mother doesn't pay enough attention to me to notice there is something wrong. Doesn't mean I want her to know that I am self harming.

I can't tell her something, without her either laughing at me or seeming like she doesn't want to hear it. My shrink noticed that her and I don't have the best communication that we can have.

But I feel like a can't talk to her, because of what I said earlier. I mean, yeah I want to. But I am afraid of how she will re-act if that makes any sense.

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"It's just me and Da Kurlzz, we're taking over the world."

Posts: 75 | From: Belen, New Mexico | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, none of what Lauren said is to say cutting is or must always be 100% about wanting care or attention, though it pretty much always -- any sort of self-harm is -- does involve that element. And, as she said, there's nothing wrong with feeling you need more care than you're getting when you're in need.

For some -- I know this was part of it for me in my teens, too -- it can also be about distracting oneself from emotional pain with physical pain or sensation, or mirroring the emotional pain with the physical to make it more tangible or actual.

So, you say you can talk to your friends about anything, just fine: might you pick one to talk to about this, then? Just to take the secret out of the thing so you have to deal with it a bit more, you know? Might you also consider trying to talk to your Mom to tell her what you need? If verbal talking isn't working, how about a letter?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
XArexYouxGothlicX
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Member # 34055

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I thank you guys for writing me. Um the only friend I feel I can talk to about this ... Is the friend that also cuts or use to I am not sure to which. But you see. Her and I have made a promise that we wouldn't cut anymore. I have broken it so many times. I feel guilty. And as for writing my mutter? It seems like a good idea, but I don't know if I could bring myself to do it. As I have promised her also. I am just scared.

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"It's just me and Da Kurlzz, we're taking over the world."

Posts: 75 | From: Belen, New Mexico | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

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That's often the problem with making "promises" about doing or not doing things like this. When you stumble, it can feel like you've deliberately done something bad, when really you haven't. Don't worry about broken promises, because your health and well-being is much more important than anybody getting their undies in a bunch over a promise.

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Sarah Liz

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XArexYouxGothlicX
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Again, I thank you. [Smile] This site has helped a lot. Um. Although, and I don't mean to pester. But I am and have been writing a story for a long time. It has a lot of my emotions in it. Could that be a good outlet for when I feel like self-harming? [Confused]

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"It's just me and Da Kurlzz, we're taking over the world."

Posts: 75 | From: Belen, New Mexico | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
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Certainly. If writing is something that is cathartic for you it's well worth trying the next time you feel like cutting.
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BlueGender
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Play a sport very aggresively [Big Grin]
Posts: 18 | From: WA, USA | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
XArexYouxGothlicX
Activist
Member # 34055

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Thank you. [Cool] But, BlueGender, I am not a sports person. Lawlz. I do appreciate your input though. [Big Grin] I try to write and I love it.

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"It's just me and Da Kurlzz, we're taking over the world."

Posts: 75 | From: Belen, New Mexico | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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