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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » How to prevent drifting

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Author Topic: How to prevent drifting
Member # 33642

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She's moving out of her parents' house in a month. She leaves for college 2 months after that. I'm 2 days away from finishing my first year of college. Despite being away we've somehow managed to become closer than ever this past year. Now as we're both going through even more changes there is once again this lingering threat of drifting away from one another. I feel the need to do something to make our bond even stronger. Problem is, I don't know what. I thought about maybe pursuing something sexual but decided not to even bring it up since that could potentially complicate things and the risks aren't worth it. I just need to do something to make time apart and distance apart not a problem. i cannot go more than a few days without calling her at the present time. I know I'm gonna see her everytime I come home but that's gonna change. I just don't know what to do.

I have another female friend who moved several states away last year. I haven't even seen her in almost a year. yet i feel just as close to her now as I ever. Even when we're busy and don't talk for weeks I know she's there. So, I know this can work. Should I do something to make our bond stronger? Or maybe all I need is more confidence in our relationship? Or maybe I should accept the inevitable...

But I can't do that, she's so special to me. Ya gotta hold on to someone like her. She's means so much to me!

If you're against Oral Sex than quite simply keep your mouth shut!

Posts: 23 | From: Virginia | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 25425

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It's really impossible to tell beforehand whether a friendship is the kind that will stand the test of time. I've moved around a lot in my life, and some friends I am still as close with as I was the day I left, and others I haven't heard from in years. It's just the way things go.

As far as I understand, yours is a platonic relationship? In that case, I think getting intimate now is likely to cause a whole lot of confusion that will only make it more difficult to be apart from her. Besides, is there any indication that she's like to move from a platonic friendship to a more romantic one?

What you can do is just spend the time you have with her now, and when she leaves, try your best to stay in touch. But don't try to tie her to you. She's going to start college, she'll make new friends and have new experiences and you'll have to accept that.

[ 05-01-2007, 04:29 PM: Message edited by: September ]

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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 33642

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Well, not entirely platonic. It's really kinda hard to explain our relationship. It's complicated. Let's see we've hugged,kissed (no tongues), freak danced, spooned, and cuddled. We are both very intimate and affectionate people. I've honestly done just as much with her as I have with girls I've dated. I don't know how far either of us would be willing to go and I'd rather not test the boundaries at this point. I wouldn't even make that kinda suggestion to her. Yes, I did consider such an idea but have scratched it out without so much as even mentioning it to her.

If you're against Oral Sex than quite simply keep your mouth shut!

Posts: 23 | From: Virginia | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 13388

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I agree with September about just trying to keep in touch, and then seeing how things turn out. Because your relationships seems undefined in a way that you don't seem totally ok with, I'd bring it up. Something like: "Hey, have you ever wondered what you'd call our relationship?" or "How do you think the ____ has affected our friendship?" As humans, we like being close to other people, and things like hugging and cuddling are natural and welcome and can be platonic.

In any case, communication is crucial for any relationship (friendship) to work out, so I'd try to initate more of that now (like how you'll try to stay in touch) to more likely guarantee staying in touch. Another take: Sometimes our friendships have ups and downs, based on distance and other factors; it's best to just enough things while we can and realize we can still have strong ties, even if the distance is great and contact is lesser. [Smile]

Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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