I am 23 and have a 4yr old son. His father was my first love my first everything. We broke up two years ago but continued to be intimate every now and then. He was my Everything and I would of never put no man before him and still wont because I am in love with him. Problem is I dont think he loves me though. He treats me so bad and I dont know how to deal with it. I am a good person to everyone. I cant talk to my family about my feelings even though I need to. I feel like this is my last resort because nothing right now is going good in my life. I have been thinking about "Suicide" but when I think if my son. I freeze. My baby needs me but he needs me to be healthy b4 anything else. I feel like I need time away. My son might have a fit though because he are inseperable. But... I need to get better it feels like I am dying inside. One minute I am okay but when reality hits that I am lonely I get angry, upset, and sad all together then cry.
I am a Darn good mother and cant picture my life without my son but how can I be a mother to him and NOT love myself?
I have soooo much things going on in my life that I feel worthless.
I have zero confidence, low self esteem, I hate looking at myself in the mirror, I hate the person I am because I have allowed myself to be walked all over on.
I need Counseling can I please have some recommendations. I am too scared to talk to my family doctor.
Posts: 6 | From: brooklyn | Registered: Jul 2006
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Hi Ebony. I'm sorry to hear that things are so rough on you right now. I think it's an excellent move to be seeking counseling, and that'll be a great start in helping you process all you've gone through.
Could you perhaps call your health insurance company and ask about coverage for mental health visits, including whether or not you need a referral from your primary provider? They can likely point you in the right direction as to therapists/counselors near you that will accept your coverage.
If money or insurance is an issue, I really can't best the resources Ecofem listed in your last thread ( here.) Those places can likely help you find counselling and support groups.
You could also consider contacting the YWCA in Brooklyn to see what they offer childcare wise. They may be willing to work something out given your situation.
I know everything's overwhelming right now, but you're making the best decision for you and your son by being active about it. Hang in there, and we're around if you need support along the way.
Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005
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Ok first of all, do NOT consider suicide. It is not fair to your 4 year old son if he were to grow up without his mother. Also, you mentioned you have a family. No matter what way you feel now, you matter to them!! You are an important part of their lives and you would hurt them so badly if you took your own life!! You could not even imagine the reprocussions on your family if you were to not be there anymore. No matter what, there IS a way through this. There IS a silver lining to every dark cloud. DONT give up!!
Second, there is nothing wrong with feeling this way. (just hear me out) In the cycle of life many people experience symptoms of depression. If you are serious enough to contemplate suicide, you need to talk to a doctor. If you're scared to talk to a family doctor or someone familiar because you think you'll be judged, go make an appointment with a psycologist/therapist. You need to talk to a professional to help you through your problems. I dont know how you feel about taking anti-depression medication, but if they would actually work for you, it is an option.
If you REALLY dont want to go the route of medication/doctors the only other suggestion I could make is religion. I dont know if you subscribe to a particular faith or if you have any preconceived notions of religion, but I have heard that God helps people when they are in desperate situatons. Not all church-goers are judgemental and will look down on you! Thats actually the opposite of what they are supposed to do. I dont live in brooklyn, so I cant really suggest any good places to go, sorry.
Just remember, you are never alone, you are worth something, people love you!!!! Just keep fighting, you'll get through it
Posts: 3 | From: So Cal | Registered: Feb 2007
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[Dream of me- just so you know, we really try to remain impartial with respect to religion here, so it's not really cool to advocate someone joining a religious group to solve a problem, especially when you're not sure if they follow that religion in the first place.]
i have to stick up for dream of me here..she was only giving suggestions not pressure to religion and its ridiculous for you to assume otherwise.. for all you know dream of me could be atheist...
She certainly didn't mean any harm, but just as we don't support someone making assumptions about someone's preference sexually (for example, suggesting a female get a boyfriend to solve an emotional problem, when not only is that not a fix, it goes by the assumption the user is attracted to men in the first place), we aren't supportive of making assumptions otherwise, as kind as they may be intended.
If dream of me had phrased it as possibly looking into talking to a clergymember for support, it might have been different, but imposing spirituality as a solution, especially a certain denomination (she did by particularly mentioning God) is not particularly helpful.
(And just a note? There's really no need to dig up old threads, which probably have no use to the OP anymore, to nitpick a response versus bumping the discussion with something useful, okay? I know you're new here, so don't sweat it. )
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