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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » I don't know what's wrong with me

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Author Topic: I don't know what's wrong with me
bugsy182
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Member # 32374

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I am a freshman in college and, it's not going well so far.
I feel I'm not ready for this. but I was an A student in high school... it doesn't make sense. I'm on academic probation. I just dropped a class this semester because I didn't go to it, it made me feel bad.
I feel soooo alone. And so, pathetic, I can't believe I can't do 1 or 2 stupid pre-requists in order to let me do what I love/always do.
It's to the point of making me want to change my major... I want to change my major. Something I love doing (visual communication, like computer imagining) just because I can't do 1-2 classes.
And I keep crying. I feel like I can't do anything because I am too afraid.
I take anti-depressents and have for about 3 years, but I still feel down.
I feel... like I have finally lost it. I don't know. I'm just, I don't know. I can't even write essays. I feel like a failure. I don't know.

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~Becca

"You could spend your whole life preserving it, but never really doing anything with it."

Posts: 31 | From: Arizona | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dailicious
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Oh heck, sweetie, college is rough, especially when you're first starting, and I don't think it matters heads nor tails how well you did in high school - college classes are just a different story.

I took almost two years off school before just recently starting up again, and while I'm really enjoying it, I'm struggling a bit, too - even though I did well in high school, I was and still am horrible with time management, and it hits you a lot harder when the classes become so much more time consuming and important.

I also hear you about the pre-requisites; there are a couple classes I'm really not looking forward to taking, but I know I'll need to because my Major is something I really feel passionate about doing. But honestly, hon, changing your Major isn't the answer to that even if it seems like an option right now - crummy pre-requisite courses come with EVERY Major, heck, some crummy mandatory for graduation general courses can be pretty frustrating, too, but againe, they're something every college student's got to face.

It's important to understand that you're not alone and you're not screwing up by having difficulty - there are a good number of college students who go through very similar things all the time, whether they're Freshman or have been in school for a couple of years. A good friend of mine, who was on a honors-based scholarship and was a really star student in her department ended up struggling with depression and felt really isolated and unmotivated and had a lot of difficulty even going to her classes at all - she lost her scholarship, but she ended up moving and transferring school and is doing a lot better now because she got the change she needed.

Is there any way you could take some time off? Use the time to get some work experience under your belt and save up (either for yourself or to apply to school in the future), travel somewhere if you have the money or support to do so (that's what I did last year), just take some time for you and to get a bit of a breather before diving right back into school? You may find that the time off helps you gain focus and motivation to really get back into the work, and the pre-requisite classes won't be so difficult.

Also, what sort of counseling (if any) are you currently getting or may be available to you? Medication is one thing, but if you're not getting regular counseling to back that up and help you overcome any anxieties or further depression you have, it's not going to be enough to really make a difference.

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Jean
aka dailicious
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Posts: 3382 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bugsy182
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I am seeing a counselor on campus but, there's a limit to how many times I can see her per/semester. which is 8 times. So, I can't really see her every week exactly...
Back home I would have weekly sessions with a therapist... she was wonderful! The one here is kinda, 'eh. Not horrible, but not great. So, I'm gonna figure out a way to see a professional one off campus.

And I do want to take some time off and possibly get a job...but I'm not sure yet.
Thanks for the advice! It was helpful!

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~Becca

"You could spend your whole life preserving it, but never really doing anything with it."

Posts: 31 | From: Arizona | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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Why not just max out your sessions with the on campus counselor now if it's helping (or better than nothing), Becca? There are some often low-cost counselors off-campus to check out-- good luck with that! I bet the health center could give you some leads.
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LucysDiamonds
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Just wanted to tell you that you're not alone in this, at all. I'm a freshman in college too, and last semester I ended up dropping a class because I hated it, hated that I was bad at it, and couldn't bring myself to do the work or to ask the professor (or anyone else...) for help. I also struggled with depression, gained about 20 pounds, had virtually no social life... yeah. And I had the third-highest GPA in my high school's graduating class. I hear ya, girl, I hear ya.

Dailicious's advice is spot-on, too. Taking a year off might help you "find yourself," so to speak, but if that isn't an option (it wasn't for me - my parents would've gone ballistic), you've gotta just stick it out, and think positive. You can do this. And I promise, once you get past all those icky prerequisites, you'll get to take the awesome courses that remind you why you chose your major in the first place. That's what I'm looking forward to. Keep your eyes on the prize! *hugs*

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So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky
As someone told me lately
Everyone deserves the chance to fly

Posts: 365 | From: DC | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Yep, been there, too. I graduated high school at the top of my class, started college and did horribly. I was doing the major I absolutely had my heart set on, but I was failing two of the pre-requisites and couldn't get myself to even care about that. Because of that, I felt like a total and complete failure and lost my interest in the rest of my courses, as well, even the ones I'd been really looking forward to. In the end, I shopped around for a college where I could take that major with a slightly different constelation of courses and switched to that school after the first year. Now I am just about to start my last year and I'm loving it again.

College courses are completely different from high school. We're on our own a whole lot more, the structure is different and the work is so much more demanding. It's no wonder you have a hard time adjusting. And there's no point in giving up right away. But if you just cannot handle what you are doing, trying to scout out a different major or even a different school that seems like a better fit is totally okay. It doesn't mean you're failing or giving up, it just means you're trying to find the best environment for yourself to do well in.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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Hey, I just answered your other post but reread this one. I definitely see a connection between the two: college has been challenging so it's quite natural we go to things we know that comfort us. It's just figuring out how to deal with the reasons behind it.

quote:
Originally posted by bugsy182:
And so, pathetic, I can't believe I can't do 1 or 2 stupid pre-requists in order to let me do what I love/always do. It's to the point of making me want to change my major... I want to change my major. Something I love doing (visual communication, like computer imagining) just because I can't do 1-2 classes.

I've studied visual art, too, so I totally get this "stupid pre-req" thing. [Wink] A lot of art/graphics stuff today is computer-based. I mean, I love art and I could spend all day on the computer, but struggling through new graphics programs is definitely a least-favorite activity.

Last year I took seriography course for four hours a week where I spent every session (and outside class) just figuring out Photoshop (I didn't even really start to get into Freehand!) At the end of the semester, I had one completed project. (Thankfully it was just about learning basics/pedagogy-based versus end-result oriented.) These programs are tough and figuring them out has nothing to do with artistic or creative ability as much as just knowing the programs. Chances are people doing well either came in with a lot of such experience or are getting a lot of help.

I'd recommend talking to your instructor: Tell him/her you're having trouble and see what tutoring options there are, such as kind classmates or advanced majors. I'd also look into taking the classes pass/fail or even auditing them, repeating them in the summer school or next semester for credit if you need, too. Then look into a low-pressure internship where you'd be getting hands-on experience with the programs in a professional environment versus dealing with the pressure of random assignments.

I say absolutely keep your eye on this major if it's your dream. Maybe the classes are being taught really poorly (have you talked to classmates about this?) and it'd be better to wait for a different instructor. Maybe look into a different university with a program structure to your liking, or switch to a similar-yet-flexible art major.

And reach out to your classmates or other majors; some may be competitive and unfriendly, but there are some nice ones who want to help or also could use some support. After all, as you advance in the major, you'll probably be working on projects together. (My art class friendships have been some of best, discussion and camaerderie-wise!)

Hang in there, Becca! Assuming you're not under pressure to graduate asap, the longer you have to gain experience and get better with the programs/concepts, the better you'll be (and more job opps you'll have) later. [Smile] There's no rush!

Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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