posted
I just got a call today from my mother (who has been awsome in the last little while), she was asking me about what I am planning on doing for christmas, and I said I wanted to spend it with her, and she said thats great and I can stay there (which is cool ) But then when I asked if I would get to see the rest of my extended family she told me that thats what she had wanted to talk to me about. She said she was talking to my uncle, and I am not invited to see them anymore, that they are too ashamed of me, and of my mum too. Apparently I have ashamed the whole family and everyone is talking about it (I have no idea who would be).
I know that is all so stupid, and my first reaction was, well screw them I am ashamed of them for acting like this. But now, I guess I feel really hurt. I feel like everytime something gets better here, The next minute everything is going wrong again, and its usually my own fault. I was starting to do okay again, but right now I am feeling very Isolated and all those feelings of being dirty and discusting have come back big time today. I dont really know what to do with it all. Sometimes I just wish that I never exsisted.
Posts: 599 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
Your first reaction was right on the money, nix. That's absolutely crappy of them; I'm ashamed that such narrow-minded people can act that way towards family. I feel almost sorry for them; having such a lack of basic compassion must be awful.
It must be rough to take something like that, especially when you've made so much progress so far. But try to remember, try to tell yourself all you can, that this is THEIR problem, not yours. You didn't put malicious thoughts into their heads, you didn't make the choice to sever communication.
It's great to see that your mom is being such a great source of support and light right now, really. That's a great thing to have through a fight like yours.
Keep your chin up, Nixie. I can tell you, for one, that I'm so happy to see how you've dealt with this all; you've taken all the steps necessary to begin and maintain your recovery, while STILL finding the strength and kindness to comfort others in your situation. Hats off to you, seriously.
Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005
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I guess so. It just sucks because I really do care for them, and I do care what they think in a way because they are my family, and I am supposed to be part of that too. I knew they would be odd about all this (big catholic family on that side) but I do feel a bit lost without them all, especially at this time of year. I have started to sorta create my own family, of close friends and all, who I really love, but it still just hurts.
Posts: 599 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004
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You know, nix, after I left home because of abuses and everything else, it took YEARS for things to settle in between that family and myself. Really, we still keep a pretty profound distance.
Families who enable abuses in any way obviously have a very hard time with anyone who speaks out, refuses to be silent, refuses to enable them.
Your family is likely ashamed of themselves, and you speaking out means they have to look at that, rather than live in denial.
I'd bring this stuff to your new counselor this week: again, this is something a lot of abuse survivors have to deal with, and she'll likely have some good ideas about how to cope for you.
Me, I'd suggest working more on developing a new support network and family-of-friends. That's what worked for me anyway: family is just the people who love us -- and enact that love and care -- whether we're related by blood to them or not.
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) But then when I asked if I would get to see the rest of my extended family she told me that thats what she had wanted to talk to me about. She said she was talking to my uncle, and I am not invited to see them anymore, that they are too ashamed of me, and of my mum too. Apparently I have ashamed the whole family and everyone is talking about it (I have no idea who would be). 
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