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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » cutting is my only way (Page 1)

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Author Topic: cutting is my only way
Amy kate
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okay...

i have a serious problem with cutting, I've been cutting since i was 11 and im 13 now, and i've been in the hospital 1 time b/c of it. i really cant seem to stop. My best friend tries to stop me but it never works. she checks my arm on fridays and mondays. She's the best friend any one could ask for, but sometimes she feels like she wants too to. My dad is an ******* and needs to get the **** out of my life. i play softball and he is alllllways pressuring me. He's one of the reasons i cut..

it started when my friend and i got in a huge fight. I just didnt know what to do so i cut. I used a pocket knife and it worked pretty well. I also love blood. i really do. it's prolly just from cutting my self.

My best friend Brittany like i said talks about cutting too..but we use code names like duct tape cuz that's what i use to hide it. when ever she does it or just does a little cut i freak out. i just really dont want her to be come me you know?

we both have a sh***y life and i wish it would just go away....


**any advice is welcome!

i dunno what to do any more


-Amy Kate </3

[edited for language]

[ 05-22-2007, 12:48 PM: Message edited by: Ecofem ]

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Gumdrop Girl
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3 times in the hospital, and nobody has said anything about seeing a counselor???

you need a better outlet. therapy a much better way. talking your problems out TO A LIVE PROFESSIONAL (and not to random gits on the internet), is the healthiest solution.

A good counselor can help you work towards letting out those negative feelings and give you positive alternatives to cutting.

So the question is, do oyu have any intention of quitting? if oyu do, you should tell a trusted adult (your mom, a teacher, guidance counselor at school). Yeah, it's tough to bring yourself to tell someone, but you need to so they can direct you to real help.

As it is, your "friend" isn't helping your get better. Instead, your friend is only making it easier for you to cut. She is helping you hurting yourself. That's not help.

Get real help. Talk to an adult.

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Amy kate
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Thanks,

i talked to my sister who is 21. i mainly live with her so i thought it would be a start. i didnt really say anything i just showed her my arm. she just said "so that's why you were in the hospital."

that was a typo. i've only been in the hospital 1 times. but still no one said anything. no one tells any one anything in my family.

my other friend taylor(16) came over today. she found out from Brittany that i was cutting again. she took everything. my pocket knife, safty pins, tweasers, everything. i was really pissed off at first but then i realized that it's prolly for the best.

like you said do i have any intention on stopping? it's my comfort zone. i really want to stop but i can't. my sister said she is considering sending me to one of those boarding school things where you go when you **** up this bad. So.. thanks again. im really glad i found this = ]!

love
Amy Kate

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trixieish
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Hi Amy
I know exactly how you feel, I cut too and I'm trying to stop.
You said it's your comfort zone and i get that, but maybe try something else to get whatever feelings out:
-drawing
-writing
-crying
-punching your pillows
-talking to someone
anything that will help u take your emotions out, I find running really helpful too.

I hope this will help you in some way
Good luck
Love Trixie

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Alea
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Speaking from experience, quitting cutting is one of the most difficult things that you will do in your life. Outside of the chemical dependence, cutting is a mthod of coping. Every time you cut you feel calm and in control, and the more stressful or painful your life is, the more you will cut without a specific reason (i.e., the fight that started you cutting the first time.)

Therapy is something that you need to consider, and it can be very beneficial. The thing about therapy, though, is that for it to work, you have to participate in it and want to change. That's a hard place to be as a cutter - I often felt that there was nothing wrong with self mutilation, etc. It's taken years to fully realize what I was doing to myself and that it was wrong.

As cutting is a coping method, for something that you can do on your own, I suggest looking into alternate methods of coping. Meditation is something that I found helpful. Be aware that there is a certain amount of chemical dependence on the endorphins your body releases when in pain - that's what causes the "rush" when you cut. Stopping cutting is every bit as hard as quitting a drug (it's been compared in recent literature to the addictiveness of cocaine) so be aware that quitting WILL require effort on your part. That's an effort that no one but you can make.

Best wishes, and my prayers will be with you.

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Obscurity is the refuge of the incompetent.

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Heather
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Might you also address what is shitty about your life?

Because, in case it isn't obvious, taking steps to alleviate the stresses making you WANT to cut can be a very, very big help.

So, what's going on?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Stacii-Jayd
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i know what you mean, i have a **** life and a nasty past so i cutt and have done since i started secondary(11years old)...i'm now in year 9 (so basically i'm 14 now) and i've just manged to stop.
i also have a friend who cut, and we would check each other arms daily, we'd use pretty much anything to harm our selves, on our arms, legs and stomaches and are nasty looking now.

if you really want to stop, then you can use:
-elastic bands(ping them when u feel like cutting)
-waxing strips(this sounds stupid but i actually used this...they really do hurt)
-cold turkey (just stop-personally me and my friend couldn't do this)
- and as trixieish said, punching pillows can also help take anger out.

i know people say about talking to
basically, a counselor or something along that line, but i didn't find that help one bit, if anything, bad me worst, but as i said, different things help different people.

as for talking to people on the internet about this isn't all that bad a thing, there are websites that get you in touch with other cutters, sometimes it's a good thing.

hope things strighten out for you.

--------------------
''i'm not a slave to a god that doesn't exsits. i'm not a slave to the world that doesn't give a s****''-Marilyn Manson

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Amy kate
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let's see.. to start off.

1. My parents dont give a **** about me. that's why i live with my sister.

2. i used to get hit alot.

3. they tell me i am fat and that im ugly

4. im failing at everything that doesnt have to do with softball.

5. My x best friend ditched me for a guy who ended up jsut wanting to get in her pants and then tried to tell me he made her ditch me

6. my boyfriend used to abused me

7... im jsut no very happy any more =[


thanks for all you advice guys.
i really needed it

oh and my sister jsut called me a whore. and that i would be working on the streets by the time im 14

wonderful just what i need

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ghostie
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It seems to me like having someone professional to talk to would do you a world of good right now [Frown] you really have had a heck of a lot going wrong so no wonder you're in need of a comfort zone.
A counsellor will help you to logically work through past and present situations, and come to terms with things.
Medication may be in order too, so don't be alarmed or afraid to hear that or try it, it makes a lot of difference to so many peoples lives.
Also, I know it's really tough hearing it from people you love but..you need to try and let some horrible comments roll off your back [Frown]
I wish you the best of luck <3

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Amy kate
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thanks... but im not depressed.
i dont think medication is really needed.
im just sick of all this **** that's happening you know?

ahh.. i just. i dunno

I'm jsut me.. yeah.. just me.

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Heather
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If you're cutting, then you ARE dealing with some form of depression or anxiety: no one uses coping mechanisms when they aren't...you know, trying to cope.

Which isn't to say medication is an answer: that's usually an answer for chemical depression, rather than depression or anxiety that is situational, in other words, based on situations you're dealing with, which, given what you've said above, you clearly have going on.

But there are things you can do to get started on making some of this stuff stop.

If you live with your sister, is social services involved at all? A guidance counselor at school? You can get in touch with either to start getting some aid: to get help with your studies, to get counseling to recover from your abuses, and with your self-esteem.

So, you say you want it to stop: ready to take a first proactive step?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Amy kate
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Well, i think it's more of anxiety than anything, but that's just my personal oppinion. i hate talking to adults who think they know everything.(i.e. sometimes shrinks.) they kinda scare me.. no offence.

i think i've recoverd from the abuses. the only thing that's left are the scars.

if you look at me. you really wouldnt think im the kind of person to cut.. it doesnt fit my personality

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Heather
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Here's the thing: if you're cutting, luv, you aren't over your stuff. When we've nothing we need to cope with, we've no need for coping mechanisms, or anti-coping mechanisms, like self-harm.

There's no "type" of person who cuts, just like there's no "type" of person who is an alcohilic or a drug abuser or is eating disordered.

A guidance counselor isn't a psychologist, or "shirnk." Their job is to help you do whatebver you need to handle school You listed failing as one thing that's troubling you: this is something they can help you fix.

Here's the thing: when anyone comes for help here, they've got to be willing to help themselves. If they're not, ain't a thing we can do, and one thing we won't do - because it's seriously irresponsible -- is just enable someone harming themselves in any way.

(And before you go the "you don't get it route," believe me: I get it. I had one hell of an adolescence, and I was a cutter too, more then twenty years back.)

So, start easy: starting with schoolwork, in the list of what you've got there, is the simplest step I can see, and a helpful one: doing better there makes you feel better about yourself, helps steer life in a better direction and studying is one heck of a postive distraction.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Amy kate
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Tomorrow:

i have a doctor's appointment for a CAT scan..for my head..

then i have therapy
and then and assesment for that therapy school
then group
then.. im not sure..

but school. i dont have it tomorrow..
but i've really been trying to pull up my grades.
it's not working..
it prolly doesnt help that my boyfriend.. the one that used to abuse me is failing too.. and doesnt really help.. and i always get compared to my sister! it's really annoying!

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Heather
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Sounds like you have some good steps coming up.

When you go back to school, I;d again suggest talking to your guidance counselor: they can often help hook you up with tutors and other study helps.

(Are you still with the abusive boyfriend?)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Amy kate
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it's not that im not smart.. belive me.. im in algebra honors (and im in 8th grade) and everything else advanced that i can get. i understand all the work

i jsut dont do it

im in gifted to.

i hate doing the work.. it's a waste of my time

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Gumdrop Girl
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speaking from experience, people who hate doing the work are frustrated with tedium. they're not being challenged.

here's another reason for you to talk to your guidance counselor. ask to either be placed in a tougher class or skip up a grade. otherwise, do the work. your grades matter now and your placement in other advanced courses (like AP and IB) depend on your performance. who cares if you have an IQ of 180? if you prove to be lazy, then you don't deserve to be in honors and advanced classes.

and if you keep asking us for advice and refuse to take it, then are you really looking for advice, or validation? we give advice freely, but validation needs to be earned.

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LA County STD Hotline 1.800.758.0880
Toll free STD and clinic information, and condoms sent to your door for Los Angeles County residents.
1 in 3 sexually active people will be exposed to a STD by the time they turn 24.

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Amy kate
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im sorry... validation? im not quite sure what that means.. hahh

well.. i did take advice.. im getting councilng, for now

and i did all my projects this weekend.. so. i guess that's about all i can do now

everything just keeps getting worse..

my "boyfriend" got his permit and he was driving and got hit by a drunk driver last night. i was really upset. he's not dead but he is in criticle condition.

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Heather
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Aie, when it rains it pours, doesn't it.

Regardless of what matters are with you and your boyfeiend (you didn't really answer me before about if you're still seeing him, what the abuse sitch is), I hope that he'll be alright.

And hey: even one first weekend of accomplishing goals is a good start. Also glad to hear you've got a handle on some counseling.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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xx save me
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i'm really sorry to hear about your boyfriend.
i suffered from cutting too..well it wasn't too bad.


mine started when my "friend" called me a bxtch and it all went downhill.
i used to cut,and i used to be anorexic(but thankfully i am completely healthy again).i know your cutting is most likely much more serious than mine ever was but,
all i think about,and all i thought about,to keep myself from cutting was the friends that would miss me,the real ones,my boyfriend(who is now my ex but also a dear friend of mine),my horse,and the people i would never meet along with the things i would never get to do in life.
i'm glad to say that,i didn't need counceling,i just needed my friends' support in getting myself out of the hole i was in.
i'm also happy to know that,if i hadn't stopped i would have never met one of my best friends in the whole entire world,jake.
he tried committing suicide by putting a gun to his head.he even pulled the trigger,but thankfully,the gun jammed.but at that time i wasn't friends with him.

try to ignore what your dad says,my dad was also the reason why i cut sometimes.he's a guy,most guys(not saying all)are pretty dumb.and he's just being a jerk to you,try to shrug it off and if it helps,speak your mind to him,maybe he'll listen?

i hope it all works out for you.i send my love
<3

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Amy kate
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Boyfriend: he's my baby..(and yes heather he is the one who USED to abuse me) he went and got help and he was all depressed but he was fine until yester day. i lost my virginity to him a couple of months ago. he's 2 years older.. is that wierd?, i tell him everything, him to me(atleast i hope), and he's the only one besides Brittany that's seen me cry. last year my horse died from equine encephalitis. He was right there with me until 3 in the morning when his mom called and said he had to come home. There was nothing we could do for that pony and it was sooo said to see her suffer. I had trained her from when she was a 3 and it was sad to see her go.

My dad.. omg

I dont know who to deal with him anymore

Hes always on my case(but hes a drunk so he doesnt realize it)

[ 11-26-2006, 07:30 PM: Message edited by: xoxo Amy kate ]

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Amy kate
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any one out there?

[ 11-30-2006, 05:42 PM: Message edited by: xoxo Amy kate ]

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Amy kate
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PLEASE! i need help
my boyfriend has glass in his chest and he could die from it!

ahhh i really need someone to talk to!!

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LilBlueSmurf
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You need to get your boyfriend to the doctor to get the glass removed. NOW.

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Nursing is a work of heart!
~ unknown

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Gumdrop Girl
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But because he has an abusive history, it'd be safer for you BOTH if you called the ambulance for him from your home. Don't go to him.

btw, have you considered that he's being self-destructive to make YOU feel bad, too. Some people hate themselves so much, they have to take other people down with them. Don't get taken down!

--------------------
LA County STD Hotline 1.800.758.0880
Toll free STD and clinic information, and condoms sent to your door for Los Angeles County residents.
1 in 3 sexually active people will be exposed to a STD by the time they turn 24.

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Amy kate
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thanks...
the other night..
my sister was working.. so i had to be with my parents(they dont trust me to be alone..) and my dad was yelling at me as expected.. but i was just soo sick of it and i just ran out of the house. seeing as i havent eaten or slept in a few days, after about 20 minutes of jsut running.. i hit the ground.. and apparently passed out. it scared the living **** out of my friends. and then Brittany saw that i had cut over the weekend.. but i guess thats my own fault

[ 12-05-2006, 09:38 PM: Message edited by: Gumdrop Girl ]

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Gumdrop Girl
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okay, ki'm gonna step in with the moderator voice for a minute.

it is NOT okay to romanticize cutting. cutting isn't keeping you alive, it's KILLING you. don't you see it? you passed out on the street. that's not okay!

so you need to change that signature of yours. we are not okay with you encouraging yourself or others to cut.

i gotta ask you, dearie. what are you doing for yourself? instead of falling all over yourself trying to save your boyfriend, we need for you to focus on saving yourself first.

i want you to reply by telling me what you did today to stop cutting. it can be as simple as talking to a trusted friend about your negative feelings as an alternative to cutting. or it can be something like locking up your scissors.

and update us on your progress. i want you to get the ball rolling on changing your ways, with baby steps.

--------------------
LA County STD Hotline 1.800.758.0880
Toll free STD and clinic information, and condoms sent to your door for Los Angeles County residents.
1 in 3 sexually active people will be exposed to a STD by the time they turn 24.

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Danielle A.
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Okay, I know excatly how you feel. I cut just about eceryday. I can't seem to stop. I've been to the E.R. 4 times now and I still can't stop. It all started when I was a little girl I was about 6. My mother was an alcholic and my step dad had raped me. My mother was drunk when he did it so she sat there and watched him do it, she didn't say or do anything. She just let him rape me. I then got extremely depressed and I didn't know how to cope with my depression so I began to cut myself. I cut on my upper arm, lower arm, wrists, legs, stomach and my breasts. My best friend hates it when I cut myself because every time I do it it doesn't hurt me, so I keep doing it. She says even though it doesn't hurt me it hurts her because I'm like a sister to her and she doesn't want to lose me. She tries to check me as often as possib;e but sometimes when she knows I do it she cant even bear to look at them. I don't want to dissappoint her but I can't stop. I told my sister because she is like my mother, she raised me because my mother couldnt. I tld her and she was so hurt. She means so much to me and I dont want to hurt her by cutting but I can't stop. My sister is a straight A student, she is JROTC and se loves to do sports, she is a very spunky girl..."the perfect child" says my dad. Then there is me, I don't get the best grades, but I try. I don't like the whole Army scene and I don't do as many sports as my sister. I stay in my room a lot and I read. My dad is trying to pressure me into being just like my sister, he wants me to be her and I just want to be my own person. My parents don't know I cut myself and I don't want them to know. It hurts me to know that I am hurting all of these people but I just can't stop. Its like my drug, I m addicted to it. I started when I was about 6 and I am now 14, I can't stop. Someone please help me. I need to stop. I'm killing myself and I dont want to anymore. Please help me.

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"He's everything you want, he' everything you need. But he means nothing to you and you don't know why." - Vertical Horizon

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Ecofem
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It sounds like you've gone through a lot of really difficult stuff, Danielle. Then with your dad totally unfairly comparing you to your sister, etc. It all adds up to a huge burden for you to deal with wihout much support. We can make this into a dialogue (or make that conversation with multiple people [Smile] ) over time, so I'm going to start with quick notes.

Are you seeing a counselor/therapist now or have you in past? (If you haven't, I'd say making an appointment would be the first step. If you aren't feeling up to calling, I bet your friend would be more than glad to help you call around.) A therapist could help you process things and find alternative ways to deal with all this.

I'd really consider telling your parents: they can help you get treatment. I'm glad you have such a good friend, but the secret is probably big for her to keep, too. I'm also glad you were able to confide in your sister: how does she feel about how your dad compares you? Does your dad know how much it hurts for him to pressure you to be like her? (He not even realize it, which is why bringing it up could be a key step.) Is your dad into sports and in the Army himself?

In your profile you listed "Writing, Reading, Dancing, Painting" as hobbies. You sound like a well-rounded person to me, that you're "perfect" as you are! Getting straight-A's isn't so important; not being into the Army scene is hardly a negative. Maybe your dad wants you to get more involved in stuff in general? Do you take art or dance classes? What about joining a creative writing group or art club?

So these are a few questions for starters. Finding coping strategies and stop cutting is a process over time, and it's not easy, but it's certainly do-able. You realize it's a problem and you want to stop, which is good, but you're not sure how, which is understandable. Let's see what we can come up with together.

(And welcome to Scarleteen, Danielle. )

[ 12-14-2006, 02:42 PM: Message edited by: Ecofem ]

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fallenangel7809
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The reason Its odvious that you need help with your cutting is the denial , saying you have a problem and then trying to make it seem like its not that bad - its how anyone with an addiction acts when they arnt quite ready to accept the fact that they have a problem. i recomend selfinjury.net , its an excellent site - it helped me out alot - but honestly , untill you talk to a therapist or counciler , you wont be able to figure out whats steming your cycles of self-abuse. the ball is pretty much in your court as to weather your ready to get help ~

-ammer

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the truth is , you could slit my throught and with my last breath Id appologise for bleeding on your shirt.

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katherose
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I used to cut too, but I haven't since July. (not counting one minor slip up) One thing that really helped me quit was the Recover Your Life chat rooms. When I feel like I might cut I go there to get support. It's a really great resource. http://www.recoveryourlife.com/Live_Chat/General_Chat/Support_Chat/default.aspx
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Amy kate
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Well,
i havent been home in quite a long time.
while i was away, i was sent to a school up in pennsylvania. They diagnosed me as a cutter/anorexia/belimia. the anorexia started when i went up there, i jsut wasnt happy so i didnt eat.

my best friend brittany,was sick of me hurting myself like this so she told the counsler what i was doing. they called my parents and the were fully informed of what was going on. they were told about my 2 overdoses and the cutting. all of my teachers were informed of it and my favorite teacher told me about a place that her friends daughter went to.

Heather, i finally admit that i was depressed for a long time. i guess i just didnt realize it at the time. do you have any advice for getting rid of scars? mine are really bad = [

thanks for all the help guys!

xox amy katee

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Heather
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How great that your best friend stepped up to help you out: that's often a very scary thing to do, because one tends to be very scared they'll lose their freindship in helping a friend.

Per the scars, scars really do tend to fade. I cut when I was in my teens and you'd never, ever know from looking now. In fact, within less than ten years, you really couldn't see them. (Mind, I also take care of my skin and don't lay out tanning or any such stuff.)

Cocoa butter is also a good scar treatment, as are onion-skin lotions.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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chloe489
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[Deleted because it was just a copy of the original poster's first post in the thread. chloe, if you were having trouble with the posting function and still are around, you're more than welcome to post again in this thread. [Smile] ]

[ 05-22-2007, 12:52 PM: Message edited by: Ecofem ]

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Amy kate
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why did you repost this?
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