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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Prom...

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Author Topic: Prom...
Member # 9745

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Okay, so for the last two years I have gone to prom at my HS. This year, I am a Senior and *OoooOOOooH Senior Prom*, apparently I'm "supposed" to go because it's a "right of passage" and something I "will regret if I don't go".

Earlier this school year, I was the one convinving everyone else to go to prom. It took a while, but I got everyone hooked on the idea. Then suddenly.... It hit me. I don't want to go. I don't even know why I was so psyched to go. Actually, maybe I do: I might have been trying to overcome the bad memories.

I really have not enjoyed my school because I have been trashed by a lot of the kids in my grade. It has never ended, throughout the entire four years. And I just can't wait to get the heck out of there. I try not to get too too involved with anyone at school anymore, and I'm trying not to get involved with my school any more than necessary.

As a sophomore, prom was great... I went with friends from the class above mine, which I LOVED! Those friends have since graduated. Last year, my Junior prom, was kind of horrible. I was psyched to go because I love to dance and look pretty, but within about a day of the event all of those horrible people in my grade were trashing me in their online journals. I have not viewed an online journal site since, and I probably never will again. To this day it still hurts that they did this to me.

Now of course I am going to go to the Senior prom at the HS in my town-- This one I actually consider to be MY SENIOR PROM. I have many wonderful friends at this school. However, I attend a private school.

Prom at my school just isn't weighing up to be very desirable to me. Granted, I HAVE made some great friends this year, but the bitter thoughts surrounding school for me push me back so hard... Plus, I would have to drive three hours from my home to get there... Plus it's $75 a ticket.... Plus, it's with all of these kids I hate for being so mean to me.

Would ditching prom *really* be so bad?? I have been pondering the thought, both outloud and to myself. Others have thrown out ideas for "alterna-proms" of sorts. I just don't see a couple of hours of one night of a person's life as being so crucial as everyone claims it to be. Maybe if I actually liked my school I would be more inclined to go!

Thoughts/ stories/ advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! =)

"It's something
but in the end is right
i hope you had the
time of your life"

Posts: 150 | From: !USA! | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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I didn't go to prom. I hated high school and going to prom, when none of my friends were going, was the last thing i wanted.

I didn't want to go, so i didn't go. And not for one second have i ever regretted it. It was the right decision for me.

If you're looking for a celebration of sorts, make it something exclusive for you and your friends. Instead of $75 on something you're not really sure you want to do, put it towards dinner at a fancy restaurant or something you DO want to do.

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 2340

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I did go to my senior prom, but it was completely so my boyfriend could get into our post prom party. It's this big thing that's put on by the junior class parents, and is waaay more fun than prom. That being said, I completely agree with Smurf. If you don't want to go, then don't go! Spend the money on something else!

I can't say for sure, becasue I obviously don't know you, but my guess is that 5 years down the road, no one (including yourself) will care if you went to prom or not.

Posts: 286 | From: Ames, IA | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
oOo Lea oOo
Member # 26647

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I agree with Mag and Smurf in that you shouldn't go if you don't want to.

I, however, attended my senior prom, only because I had absolutely nothing else to do and the senior ticket was free. I had a horrible time. My friends did, too. So ended up leaving and hanging out at the billiards.

And just for the sake of saying we did something "special" our senior year. . we stayed up all that night planning a super, "kick ***" senior trip to Myrtle Beach for their "Senior Week" activities. Had a blast.

So, if you don't want to go, don't go. Its that simple. What you might regret later is that you spent $75 dollars and the gas/time getting there and had a horrible time with some really disrespective people.

but my guess is that 5 years down the road, no one (including yourself) will care if you went to prom or not.
I definitely agree! [Wink] Good luck!

And I say thank you for the scars
And the guilt and the pain
Every tear I've never cried
Has sealed your fate.
Did you take me for a fool
or were you just too blind to see
that every effort made has failed
and there is no destroying me?

Posts: 366 | From: West Virginia | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 27369

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Babygirl88, I know almost exactly how you feel. I'll spare you the gory details, but let's just say I was teased so much and for so long that I ended up changing school districts.

Skipping prom isn't really a big deal. I didn't go to my junior prom last year, and I'm not going to my senior prom this year. I've talked with friends who are in college, and they tell me that once you graduate, high school is practically erased. Nobody cares that you were on Varsity lacrosse at American High (or whatever). In fact, they expressly told one of my friends at freshmen orientation that you shouldn't wear your high school tee-shirts, sports jackets, etc.

I guess teenagers (myself included) have a tendancy to blow things (like prom) way out of proportion because high school is the only world we really know. We can't comprehend that high school and all its trimmings is not going to be important someday, because right now, high school etc is our whole world.

Yeah, people will probably spend the next day or two talking about prom, but when there are so many interesting things to talk about, it's easy to change the subject.

Spend the money on something else.

I dunno. Philosophy of an 18-year-old, I guess.

Origami Jane

Posts: 129 | From: Mid-Atlantic US | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Laplace's Demon
Member # 28127

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Don't go. It's overrated anyway, and if you don't want to go, you shouldn't. I think it's one of those things that you'll only enjoy if you really want it to be enjoyable. The music probably sucks anyway.

We may regard the present state of the universe as the effect of its past and the cause of its future.

Posts: 1 | From: Elf Tower, NM | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 11352

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It's really up to you. If you don't want to go, don't go.

Personally, I did attend my senior prom in 2001. For one, i was graduating... two, i had my date who was my boyfriend at the time who's now going to be my husband in two months and three... my friends were going as well and four... I wanted to have one last memorable dance night as a highschool memory.

I got lucky twice though. My fiance and I went to different highschools so we got to go to each other's proms in a week apart. It was really fun, and we made a lot more memories of us together as a couple and with our friends. This was 5 years ago, and i don't regret going.

So again, it's really up to you. Whatever decision you make, make sure you know you won't regret it later. So if you don't want to go and know tha tyou wont' have fun, don't go. Same thing if it's the other way around.


Posts: 369 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 22756

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You don't need to go to prom if you feel it'll be damaging to you. Here's why:

Proms operate on people's desire to be included in the whole heterosexual bonding experience.

(I'm guessing most high schools would flinch at same-sex couples, unfortunately.)

Proms were popularized as a dating event in the 1890s, where couples could publicize their relationship. Same goes for today. Although a good amount of people go stag to their proms with friends, the pressure of fitting the mold of a "couple" is still there.

I went to one sophomore formal because my parents thought it would be good for me, and I stood in the corner the whole time. (I did ask one of my older brother's friends to the senior prom when I was a junior, but he wasn't the dating type at the time. He did smile when I asked him, which was good.)

Long story short, you're right that Prom is a rite of passage. If you don't have the same support system that you did sophmore year, don't put yourself through it. Get some friends to have a massive sleepover.

More to the meat of your post - yes, high school can suck. In large part, this is because it's the most formative and intense period of socialization in this country. Combine problems of personal identity, group pressure, social expectations, the peak of puberty, and a lot of other stuff, and you get vicious results.
You're not alone in disliking high school.
For some people, it just doesn't help them develop in meaningful ways.

I was constantly teased & belittled by other girls in 10th and 11th grade. I was depressed and suicidal. I didn't know what I was feeling at the time and had no idea how to escape it - and got relief only when I moved back to NYC, in a school where kids were more open-minded.

You are MUCH healthier at your stage than I was. When you get to college, you will be passing over the horizon and looking at the New World.

[ 03-27-2006, 10:51 PM: Message edited by: kitka ]

Posts: 455 | From: New York, NY | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 28882

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my mum is now upset that i told her i dnt want to go to my prom...for many reasons. i guess if u dnt want to go then don't go, whats the point in dressing up and paying a fortune for a dress and you dnt even enjoy it.

*I died in my dreams reaching out for your hand my fatal desire*

My orientation is just another part of me, let me live, let me be, i am the same person you knew only happier.

Posts: 37 | From: scotland | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 18892

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I didn't go to my middle school "prom" because I hated almost everyone in my grade. Some friends of mine who went said they had a good time just hanging out in the corner and laughing at the popular kids. So you don't have to do the conventional prom thing to have fun at a prom.

That said, I can understand from your post that it might be totally impossible for you to have a good time at prom, because it might only remind you of how people have treated you in the past. Still, you mention you have some friends at your school... would it be worth it for you to go to prom to see them dressed up and share the experience with them?

Personally, I loved my high school, I went to my senior prom (with a same-sex date, no one cared) and had a great time. Still, I don't understand why it is such a big deal, because it's not. My friends and I got into some pretty big fights about stuff like limos and afterparties, before we realized that none of it really mattered. Prom has the potential to be fun, but think about if it will be fun for you, don't listen to the hype.

(Now my parents are upset because the pictures of me in my prom dress didn't come out and they want me to get back in my prom dress so they can re-take them. I totally do not want to do this because it's way too fake and they just want it so they can show people I clean up nice and look pretty when I want to, and they're mad that I'm refusing. It's just a dress. It's just a party. Everyone needs to stop with the hype.)

Posts: 106 | From: New York, NY, USA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 46560

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I was planning on asking the guy of my dreams to the prom with me, and was soo excited. I was talking about it with a guy friend, and suddenly he seemed down. He said "brb" and didn't come back till 30 mintues later, and said, "I'm depressed.. the girl I was going to ask is taken." So I asked him about it, and he hesitantly told me he was going to ask me to prom. I didn't really know what to say.. so just tried to keep the conversation light and cheery. I think I may have sounded a bit too hopeful.. people say that he thinks I might ask him instead, after that conversation. What do I do? Should I just ask the guy I was originally planning to ask, or my guy friend? This is my last prom before I'm moving to a new school, so I want to make it my best.. please help?

Prom Dresses 2011

Posts: 1 | From: New York ,USA | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 13388

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Hi Kaitllyn, you should definitely ask the person you really WANT to ask. I'm sorry your guy friend is pressuring you like this: he may have wanted to go with you but he could have asked himself but it'd still be up to you. Good luck! [Smile]
Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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