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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » really confused

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Author Topic: really confused
celery
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Member # 5594

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Okay this is really hard for me to even type. I feel completely to blame for this and feel like it could have been completely avoided.

Anyways here goes...
This past weekend I went to a bar with some of my friends, to make it short: I got really really drunk and ended up leaving with some people that I didn't even know.

I woke up the next morning and ended up falling back asleep. I was slightly half/awake and could feel one of the guys that I met the night before rubbing my leg with his foot, at first I didn't really think too much of it, but it kept getting worse and worse and I didn't know what to do I just froze. I'm just not the kind of person that can just stop someone and I never have been.

But it went so far and I feel like a moron for not doing anything. Basically he was just feeling me up as much as he could, but finally I put an end to it before it got so far that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if it went any further.

He ended up stopping, but I didn't even leave after that... I went back to sleep! I'm so stupid I don't know what I was thinking, I was completely in shock, and scared to even move. I woke up and acted like nothing happened and went home.

At first it didn't really hit me so much, but now that it's been a few days I can't stop thinking about it, and it's like i'm reliving it. I can't sleep, and I've felt physically sick to my stomach all day that I can't even eat.
I've been in a terrible mood all day, completely irratible and had a pretty bad anxiety attack today.

I'm sorry this is such a long post, but I had to get this out, I can't even tell my best friend in the whole world about it because I'm so ashamed of myself for making such idiotic decisions. I feel like the dumbest person in the world right now and that it's my fault it even happened, and that I should've done more to stop it.

I keep telling myself that I stopped it before it got too bad, but then I just get this feeling that I'm dirty and gross even though it wasn't the worst thing that could've happened to me.

Anyways, thanks for reading this and I guess no one really needs to reply I just really needed to get this out somewhere because it's been killing me inside not being able to talk to anyone about it.

[ 03-13-2006, 02:34 AM: Message edited by: celery ]

Posts: 1000 | From: Canada | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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It's understandable that you feel violated by the unwanted touching. And it's certainly hard to get up out of a situation when you're in shock or still under the influence of alcohol. You are not dirty or gross, and it's not your fault that it happened. Regardless if alcohol is involved, no one has the right to do things without your permission.

And you can and should tell your best friend about it: We're human and we need support, especially when you're having such a difficult time dealing with this. I would also recommend getting counselling; hopefully a few appointments would be enough to help process things, but not going could make it harder for you over time.

How are you feeling today?

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Ecofem
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quote:
Originally posted by celery:
This past weekend I went to a bar with some of my friends, to make it short: I got really really drunk and ended up leaving with some people that I didn't even know.

I just reread your message and this caught my eye: I don't mean to blame your friends for what happened because it's obviously not their fault either. But I'm a bit surprised that they didn't go with you or try to keep you from leaving with the strangers, assuming they saw how drunk you were?
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celery
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Well I was originally with one of my best friends but she left early before all of this happened and I was just with people that I'm friends with but not really good friends with.

I wonder why they wouldn't do anything either but I don't even remember where everyone went when they left. I Just wish my real friends were there because I know they never would let that happen to me, or let me go off with random people, ever.


By the way, I'm feeling okay, not much better than yesterday, I still feel sick, and tired from lack of sleep last night. But thanks for replying it made me feel alot better getting that off of my chest and having someone listen.

[ 03-13-2006, 10:16 AM: Message edited by: celery ]

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kitka
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"I'm just not the kind of person that can just stop someone and I never have been."

Don't ever think that way about yourself.
You definitely have a backbone. You probably feel this way because you've never been in a scary situation like that before. And that's ok.

The next time you go out, make sure that you watch how much you drink. Once you get a little buzzed, stop.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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"I'm just not the kind of person that can just stop someone and I never have been."

And per that?

How about doing yourself a favor, having recognized that in yourself, and get started on FIXING that. Really, that isn't a personality trait, wherein some folks are just screwed because they're unable to be assertive in that regard. It's a skillset, and absolutely one which you can learn.

How about getting involved in some basic self-defense training? Even physical training like that also tends to address boundary setting, and can do a lot -- even if you never need to physically protect yourself -- to help you gain some confidence in asserting yourself all around.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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