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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » I need help

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Author Topic: I need help
DolphinStar
Neophyte
Member # 26003

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I am so confused. I am a cutter. I can't stop. I made it three weeks and just broke down and did it last night. I feel like such a loser. My parents aren't very supportive and i don't usually like to discuss this stuff with anyone. I opened up to someone at work and she told me i could talk to her anytime. I feel ashamed and i hate myself. Even though dad did what he did to me last night i still broke down and cut and in the past three weeks even though he did what he did i didn't cut. I don't know how to stop i am trying really really hard. I feel like everybody hates me and i don't have a person i can trust. I don't know what i can do. Does anyone have any suggestions?
DolphinStar

Posts: 7 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mylilbit6
Activist
Member # 25535

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First off I want to let you know you are not loser because you cut. I was a cutter for a long time. I have since been trying to stop. I have bad days as well and someone made a point to let me know that just because i mess up one day doesn't mean that i am a failure or a loser. Neither are you. You had three good weeks were you didn't cut. That means a lot. But to stop cutting you need to find something to replace it. I started to going to the gym to relieve some frustration. I also have started to journal about the things that make me want to cut. Try to take it one day at a time. I am not sure what your dad does to you but have you talked to anyone about it? Maybe you should. I hope this helps at least a little. You are not a loser and your shouldn't be ashamed of yourself. Like I said you made it three weeks that is a big thing.
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DolphinStar
Neophyte
Member # 26003

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I really appriciate what you told me. I am having a hard time finding alternatives. My parents don't care if i cut. They are cutting my options low. Everyday they go through my room. I am not allowed to have anything written down meaning feelings. I am hated by my entire family and it is so frustrating. My aunt told me she wants me to come over to her house cut myself infront of her so she can watch me bleed to death. It is so mean and hurtful. I want to prove them worng but i can't. I am to stupid. I was seeing a therapist and she told me i was cured.
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nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

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Hey,

I am a cutter too, I know it is very very hard to stop. To be honest, And I know you probably dont want to hear it, But if your father is hurting you and your family hurting you saying those things, you really need to get the hell out of that house, and go somewhere safe. What they are doing is wrong, you DONT deserve any of that, and dont ever feel bad about yourself because of what those people are doing. That is their fault and not yours and the best thing you can do, is get out of there. Do you think you could go and stay with a friends family for a while if you dont feel comfortable calling the services? You wont be able to feel better and the cutting wont get better if you are doing this with no support and with them constantly putting you down like that. I hope you stay far away from that aunt too. You are not stupid, not at all. I understand how hard it is to stop cutting, I have bad days too, but then eventually the good days will out weigh the bad. But you need to get yourself out of that environment and get some real support. Take care, and I hope I didnt offend you by any of my comments.

Nixie


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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Nixie is right: it sounds like you are living in an environment which is simply not herapeutic, in which you're really set up to fail. It's no wonder you can't stop, babe.

Do you have any living alternatives? Extended family who ARE supportive?

And, has there been any physical abuse in your home?


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DolphinStar
Neophyte
Member # 26003

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I don't feel comfortable telling anyone. My parents have told all my family and old friends i use to have that i am bad and they don't talk to me anymore. I have no place to go. I feel so alone. I did mention what is going on to someone i work with. The only advice she offers is for me to get out. How can i leave if i don't have anywhere to go. I am a intern at a shelter for abused women and their kids. I can't stay there cuz i work there. All the shelters are linked together. I feel so lost. I want to be able to tell people my feelings becuase i can't tell my feelings at home or i am knocked down. I have to be strong. I am doing my best to be strong. I feel very weak and helpless. I am sorry i don't mean to shoot down suggestions. I am really trying. I am also in college so i am trying to get out. I Graduate this year. Hopefully. I am not allowed to do homework so i am struggling with some of my classes. I don't understand why doing homework is wrong then why do teachers give it. I need guidence i don't understand.
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DolphinStar
Neophyte
Member # 26003

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It is improtant they don't know anything about what i am going through. I am not one to tell the shelter any of that the person that knows is the job i work at Walmart.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, it sounds like it might be worth considering ceasing your internship at the shelter for the time being if you can stay there.

Or, why not live on campus where you go to school?

Who isn't allowing you to do your homework?


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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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It's probably also worth asking why it is so imperative no one knows what's going on at the shelter.

Would you advsise the women there to be secretive about their cirses? If so, you'd be giving them very destructive and dangerous advice.


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DolphinStar
Neophyte
Member # 26003

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I never get personally involved in clients life styles. I always tell them it is there choice if they go back or not. I dont' tell them about my situations. Yes my parents are the ones who wont let me do my homework. They take my backpack away when i get home. They take it with them if they leave. It is kind of frustrating. I don't want to give up my internship. If i give up on that then i won't be able to graduate. I really want to graduate. It will help me get out i think. I don't know. I am sorry.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You know, here's the thing: you have to actually DO something in a situation like this.

Your household situation sounds potentially abusive, and certainly not a good environment for healing. And flatly: if you're almost finished with college, you are WELL above an age where not only can you be independent, it's probably a really good idea for you to be so. While I won't condone things like your aunt has said, it's not atypical for parents to be resentful when their adult children are still under their roof.

You say you have a part-time job. So, you could get a roomate via campus services without that much trouble. lest you think I'm talking out my bum, know I was paying my own rent AND tution from high school on, having grown up low-income. So, it's doable. Not only is it doable, even being independent is likely to be therapeutic for you, on top of getting you out of that house.

(I wasn't suggesting you talk to the women there about your issues who are clients, for the record: rather, those in charge.)

I'd suggest you step up, find a new living situation pronto, personally. If that seems totally undoable, that you talk to the women who run the shelter you work at and ask them for creative ideas. And if you're willing to do none of these things, the fact of the matter is that you're setting yourself up to fail.


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DolphinStar
Neophyte
Member # 26003

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I am sorry. I don't mean to be a bother. I am afraid to move out. I don't know who will protect my family from him. How will i pay for school, car payment, and car insurance, and plus living expenses.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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... you family from whom?

And whomever it is, what protection can you offer them?

How do you pay for those things? You work. If you have a new car with a hefty payment, you trade it in for a used car that's perfectly serviceable. If you only have another semester to pay for school, I don't see why you'd be paying anything extra: are your parents paying now? if so, what are their contingecies? To boot, you can also always apply for more financial aid, work study, scholarships, etc.

Sure, it means working your duff off, but again, it's doable, and it's for a limited time. I did it with no financial help from family, completely on my own and loads of other people do.


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DolphinStar
Neophyte
Member # 26003

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I am going to try, This is going to be very hard. It is going to take lots of courage and extra feeling of loneliness. Will this work out even though i am under my parents insurance. I still have the fear of leaving this. I don't know what it is like out there. I only know the things that are going on right now in the present. It just seems frightening. Right now i at least get food roof under my head i am getting education my internship. people at work know they tell me not to tell anybody what he did and they tell me to get out but they dont' know how to help me get out they gave me their phone numbers but i dunno. Well whatever guess i am sol and if my end comes oh well, I really wish it would end just end no more worries or fears. maybe it will oh well
Posts: 7 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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